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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be feeling a bit upset at some of my "so called" friends ???

69 replies

cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 11:44

It's my 30th birthday next week. I don't usually do a lot to celebrate my birthday, but as this is a big one, thought I would this year.

4 months ago I started organising a big party for this saturday. I invited around 140 people, including all their kids, so that there wouldn't be the issue of "can't get a babysitter" etc.

I had major problems getting people to commit, so after a month of trying to work out who was coming etc, I decided to cancel as I was due to pay the deposit on the venue which was non-refundable if I had to cancel. I thought it best as couldn't afford to lose £200 if more people let me down closer to the time.

Anyhow, I decided that instead of a party I would have a small get together at home for a few close friends. I started inviting people a few weeks ago & everyone said they could come - 4 couples, 1 single friend plus me & my DH. They all knew that it was an adults only night, so they needed to arrange babysitters.

I text everyone last week to make sure they were all still coming, and they said they were, all bar one couple who I didn't get a reply from, but didn't think for one minute they would let me down as they were the first to say they were definitely coming and the ones to organise their babysitter straight away.

Yesterday I placed a Tesco order for £116 worth of food and drink (which I couldn't really afford).

Then last night, the couple I didn't get a reply from text me to say that they weren't going to be able to make it because a family party had come up (even though they have known about the family do for a while!!!), then another of the couple said they hadn't sorted a babysitter yet so they weren't sure if they were going to make it. Then this morning, another of the couples has said that one of them can't make it as they have no babysitter, but the other will bring her mum with her instead. (It was meant to be a "young" persons night, my parents aren't even coming!!).

I just feel really and let down and am starting to wonder if I should have bothered.

AIBU ??

OP posts:
WildSeahorsesCantStandTheDM · 26/08/2009 14:34

tell

Harimosmummy · 26/08/2009 14:51

Oh, YAsoooNBU

I got upset that a couple of people cancelled on my DS's 1st birthday

I hope you have a good time.

weaselbudge · 26/08/2009 15:02

It seems to me that this sort of thing is far too common nowaways! People are so rubbish. If you arrange to meet them, they are always late because they can rely on their mobiles to send last minute texts... they never commit in case a better offer comes up. All I can say is that I think it is because people's time is so precious nowadays what with the seemingly increased stress of work and family life and they have just become really rubbish. Please try not to take it personally although i know it's difficult. FWIW i refuse to organise things like this anymore and enjoy time with hubby or just a couple of close friends instead.

Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 15:04

Thanks everyone for your kind messages !!!

yada - Wow, that sounds fab!! New York. Good luck with the saving. That will certainly be a birthday to remember.

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 26/08/2009 15:41

if it's Tesco.com for the food you can alter the order up until about 4am the day it's due to be delivered you can either cancel teh lot of cut back on quantity

hope you manage to have a fabulous day

tillyfernackerpants · 26/08/2009 16:05

yada I went to NY for my 30th, was fab

cjones I feel for you, I've had the same problem before, think you've got some good suggestions here but hope you have a lovely time anyway!

ThingOne · 26/08/2009 16:18

Sorry you've been let down. Can you not cancel most or all of the tesco delivery?

daisymaybe · 26/08/2009 16:28

It's not that hard to get a good babysitter with recommendations, we're all desperate for work as far as I can tell. Deffo would be worth the effort for an event like this. YANBU.

Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 17:02

Thanks everyone.

As for the Tesco order, I couldn't cancel as it was being delivered between 12-2 today, and only 1 couple had definitely cancelled last night, at that point there were still going to be 9 of us (still might be too), just finding it hard to get people to say if they are definitely coming or not despite having told them I need to order the food and drink etc.

So now I have a fridge full of food, beer and wine..........anyone wanna help me eat/drink it all ??

weaselbudge - Thats the point though, it was supposed to be just a few close friends! There were only going to 11 of us. Suppose it's things like this that make you realise who your friends are!

OP posts:
crazylizzy · 26/08/2009 17:43

YANBU, that's really poor quality of friendship IMO. I hope you still have a nice time all the same, remember it's not quantity, it's quality, and it's the same with friendship

For the record, the same happened to me on my hen-do many moons ago. I invited 14 of my closest friends, booked a health spa, nice meal and a night out. 11 canceled, many at last minute It cut me like a knife at the time and I still feel let down even now, years later. YANBU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 18:04

That's awful crazylizzy! Some people are just so inconsiderate, it really winds me up.

The couple who weren't sure if they could get a babysitter are now definitely not coming. They said they would text me this morning to let me know. I heard nothing so text them about half an hour ago asking if they had managed to get a sitter & got a reply saying "No, sorry looks like we can't come x" Not even "Hope you have a great night". It's soul destroying, it really is because it makes you question why people would want to let you down like that.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 18:04

P.S - Thanks for all the Happy Birthday messages !!!!

OP posts:
AliGrylls · 26/08/2009 18:16

All I can say is if that happened to me I would be furious. They should feel really ashamed of themselves. I hope you have a nice birthday without them.

Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 18:44

Thanks AliGrylls

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 26/08/2009 20:04

Happy Birthday! I'll help you celebrate

I hope you have a lovely birthday, and I'm sure your DH and kids will spoil you rotten.

YANBU by the way!

Original poster
cjones2979 · 26/08/2009 20:40

Thank you MummyDragon !!!

White, Red or Rose ???!!!

OP posts:
MummyDragon · 27/08/2009 19:00

Depends on what food you're serving!

cruelladepoppins · 27/08/2009 19:36

molly - rofl at "[old gimmer]"

[hugs] to OP - YANBU

Original poster
cjones2979 · 27/08/2009 20:08

I'm serving Chilli and Jacket Potatoes with sour cream, cheese and nacho's. Coming ??!!

Thanks cruella

OP posts:
bruces · 27/08/2009 20:09

OP why doesn't the friend who plans to bring her mum het her mum to baby sit instead?
Have you considered turning it into a lunch time celebration so that those who have baby sitting issuse can a)try and get someone to do a few hrs during the day
b)or they can bring their little ones (not ideal)but at least you might be able to have some type of celebration.
Hope you have a fab time no matter what you end up doing

MummyDragon · 27/08/2009 21:15

That food sounds ab-so-lute-ly FABULOUS, and I will have red wine with it please!

Original poster
cjones2979 · 27/08/2009 21:30

bruces - Not sure why her mum can'y babysit, except for the fact that its her BF's kids and not hers.
Definitely don't want to do a lunchtime thing as I have managed to get my mum to have my 2 DC's overnight, so don't want other peoples DC's here. Plus, I gave everyone plenty of notice to organise babysitters. Even my friend who is a single mum of 3 kids, one of whom has ADHD (amongst other conditions) and cannot be left with just anyone, has organised a babysitter, so IMO if she can sort it, anyone can.
But thanks for the suggestions. I'm sure we will have a great time anyway.

MummyDragon - Excellent! See you there.

OP posts:
Original poster
cjones2979 · 27/08/2009 21:30

*can't

OP posts:
bruces · 27/08/2009 22:55

OP totaly understand now why your so upset
and you have every reason to be!

Chica1912 · 28/08/2009 14:15

Poor you- I hope you have a fantastic night regardless of your crap friends flakiness. I'm livid with my best friend at the moment for cancelling on me tonight as she's in a gloomy mood! She knew I had only been able to go out 4 times in the last 2 years due to lack of babysitters but can't be bothered to make the effort to come out for my sake- can imagine how upsetting it is when it's such an important night for you. Crack open a bottle of champagne and enjoy your birthday with your true friends!