Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think friends should childproof their house a little when I bring dd to stay?

112 replies

deaconblue · 20/08/2009 21:02

plugs with no covers, exposed wires on a lead and tonnes of tiny tiny toys laying all over the house. Their kids are 5 and 2 so I understand their house doesn't need to be as child proof as I need for my 1.3 yr old but surely the chokeable toys could have been put away? I spent the whole visit retrieving plastic coins and playmobil bits from dd's mouth.

OP posts:
IdrisTheDragon · 20/08/2009 23:39

I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old and do feel a little bad that when SIl or BIL come round with their 14 month old that our house isn't especially child proof ie there is Lego, there are no stair gates, there is general clutter that is attractive to 1 year olds. But I don't think they mind too much - might direct SIL to this thread and find out .

Original poster
deaconblue · 21/08/2009 18:45

ooh gosh wasn't expecting people to be quite so angry with my aibu. Clearly I watch dd but they have a huge house and ds was around too so I felt like I had to be in 2 places at once the whole time I was there. dd is told a zillion times a day "not in your mouth" but it makes no difference. I shall go next time expecting to not be able to sit for a moment...

OP posts:
lockets · 21/08/2009 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

BramblyHedge · 21/08/2009 18:54

I am always stressed at people's houses making sure ds2 (1yr) doesn't eat things he shouldn't or poke things he shouldn't but accept this is a part of parenting. None of our 3 sets of grandparents are remotely childproof - we recently spent 10 days at my dads with open banisters, ornaments, dvd player, no fire guard, poisonous plants etc and we survived. I moved a few objects but this was more for their protection than my ds'.

Even at my weekly 'mummy and kids' meetup, some of the homes aren't baby proof and I do rush around and don't get to chat much but I don't expect them to do anything about it.

I agree that it stressful but so is alot of parenting. Would you expect friends without kids to childproof their house as well at additional expense?

Original poster
deaconblue · 21/08/2009 19:02

mmm I certainly wouldn't expect expense but it didn't seem unreasonable to me for the miriad of tiny toys to be put out of reach. ds is 3 and loves tiny fiddly toys but we keep them in a box and he plays with them on the kitchen table so that dd can't get at them. I always used to do a quick mine sweep of potential hazards when friends with kids came over before I had any.

OP posts:
diddl · 21/08/2009 19:14

I think that on the whole YABU.
But if you´re so worried & there are little things lying about not being played with-pick them up and say that you don´t want your daughter to put themin her mouth!

StealthPolarBear · 21/08/2009 19:21

ZombieZillasBumcheek I love it when that happens
I'm convinced pretty much whatever you post in AIBU will get a yes, even if the other side of the argument got a yes 2 weeks ago!

OrmIrian · 21/08/2009 19:24

Has the op been put right then?

In which case I have nothing more to say.

Morloth · 21/08/2009 20:19

I never babyproofed for my own kid and certainly never expected anyone else to do so for us.

I think it works better to houseproof the kid rather than kidproof the house, cause then you can take them anywhere.

Don't go there until she is a bit older if you don't enjoy it.

Podrick · 21/08/2009 21:20

It is hard work going to other people's houses with a child this age and it is unreasonable for you to expect to be able to relax in this situation unfortunately

juicyjolly · 22/08/2009 01:06

Nobody is forcing you to visit this friend.
If you think it is not a suitable place to take your child then dont go.

Personally, I cant see the problem....if you want to go and visit, then why dont you pick up any small pieces as well as keeping an eye on your own child and hey ho everything should be fine and dandy. Unless of course you expect your friend to keep an eye on your child as well.

Spidermama · 22/08/2009 01:22

YAButterlyU as I think most people have probably said.

Plug covers FFS? I've got four children and I've never owned a plug cover at any stage.

I'm astonished at the selfishness of some people. She was nice to invite you round and already has her hands full with her two.

hambler · 22/08/2009 01:52

Plug covers?
They are ridiculous and YABU

plonker · 22/08/2009 02:21

I'm rather surprised that a home that has a 2yo is completely unsuitable for a 15mo old, but I do see your point re the lego and tiny toys on the floor.

I have a 2yo but she's not really a 'toucher', so we do have things lying about that I would move if a child came to visit who was a toucher. For my sake as much as theirs.

As for plug covers - no way would I expect visitors to ensure they had plug covers in when I come to visit. I wouldn't expect anyone to go to extra expense to allow me to visit, IMO that's very unreasonable, so on this I think YA definitely BU. You want plug sockets? Supply and fit your own!

Lego, hmmm, as I say, I see your point. I don't see what harm it is to ask the 5yo to play with the lego on the table (for example) rather than on the floor so that it's less of a danger/less stressful for you and your dd. I think that is common courtesy and something that I would do without thinking about it.

Couldn't you have just asked her to do this?

nappyaddict · 22/08/2009 02:49

DS is 3.1 Never had socket covers, cupboard locks, corner protectors, a fireguard or stair gates except for the one on DS' bedroom door and the one on the living room door (makes them into big playpens!)

We keep cleaning stuff under the kitchen sink and in a cupboard in the bathroom. We don't have a lockable alcohol cabinent or medicine cabinet but that is high up and DS isn't really a climber. Will probably get a lockable one when he is a bit older and would be capable of a) climbing up there to get it and b) able to open a medicine bottle/bottle of alcohol. (I do know of a 2 year old that managed to open a calpol bottle but DS is very uncoordinated and I doubt he'd manage it just yet)

I do make sure I always leave scissors and knives out of his reach though as a couple of times i've nearly had a heart attack cos he's been trying to cut his nails or been found in the kitchen holding a massive bread knife!!

nappyaddict · 22/08/2009 02:54

Oh and what are open banisters? Do you mean this sort of thing?

Goblinchild · 22/08/2009 07:57

My two are the oldest of all the cousins, and we've always checked out the main rooms of the house when someone with a younger child comes to stay, or even for an extended visit.
Main room and kitchen definitely. I want visitors, even if they are relatives to feel as comfortable and relaxed in my home as they can, so I make an effort. I also share supervising littlies in explorations, as do my children.

seeker · 22/08/2009 08:08

We went to stay with dp's childless aunt and uncle when dd was about 2. They told us seriously on the phone that they had thought very hard about babyproofing their house so we weren't to worry.

We arrived to discover an open plan living spacewith every shelf covered in artfully arranged antiques and nick-nacks - including a display of antique chop-sticks on a side table, just at dd's height and an open cabinet full of Dresden figurines. But they assured us that everything was fine - they had put locks on all the windows so that dd couldn't fall out and hurt herself!

holdingittogether · 22/08/2009 08:09

Agree your tots safety is your concern and I do think that as soon as your own children pass the into everything stage you do forget what it is like and maybe don't see the same hazzards.

However if a guest of mine had a tiny one and I could easily do something to make their visit easier for everyone I probably would. For example move something out of their reach. Guest has to accept they must watch little one very closely and host should be a bit mindful that there is a little one around so be careful where hot drinks are left, knives etc. A bit of thought on both sides surely? Ultimate responsibility is with parents though obviously.

2rebecca · 22/08/2009 12:20

Aren't most banisters like that though nappyaddict? Ours are. I think expecting someone to change their banisters for your visit is OTT. Now mine are older I do forget that you can't leave a drink anywhere with tiny kids as it will be knocked over. You rapidly get used to adult habits again once your kids become older.

Blondeshavemorefun · 22/08/2009 12:35

yabvu

your child, you look after and make sure no bits are in the mouth - i assume she is in sight of you and not left to wander the house

sure friend did have a quick tidy up, but with a 5yrand 2yr things do get left on floor

my dc are 6.5 nearly 4 and 14mths and obv bubby crawls and find things

i like stair gates but otherwise not bothered about stuff, apart from fire guard if real fire

not sure about trailing wires

pigletmania · 22/08/2009 13:21

YABU, your child is your responsibility! Of course they would have had to childproof their house as they have children, my 2.6 year old still puts stuff into her mouth. Therefore i doubt very much that they would have household chemicals easily within reach, or knives or sharp opjects out or within easy reach. When you go to someone elses house you do have to watch them like a hawk i am afraid, its their house. If you are really that concerned ask them to move hazardous objects out the way, i am sure that they have for their children anyway. Stop worrying and enjoy your stay.

BramblyHedge · 22/08/2009 17:06

By open banisters I meant ones which don't have vertical spindles, just two horizontal bars so a baby (or naughty toddler) could just crawl off the top floor and crash into the downstairs hall (though of course we didn't leave them alone on the top floor)

2rebecca · 22/08/2009 19:29

That sounds a silly design.

peanutbutterkid · 22/08/2009 20:06

Ain't MN great, ZombieZilla?
Must have been a bummer of a visit, OP .