Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To feel smug??

62 replies

twinkletoescare · 20/08/2009 09:24

I think i am......

Ok so the story goes ive just recently lost 5 stone (got a couple more stone to go) and am,for the first time in years shopping in "normal" clothes shops, NOW out shopping yesterday im standing in a shop fingering through the "normal" sized clothes rails and looking over to the plus sized rails feeling really smug watching the ladies choose their big baggy cover ups.

i feel dreadfull for even thinking like this,that was me a few weeks ago.... but i cant help but feel smug!

I am BU arent i??

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 20/08/2009 10:05

Well done on the weight loss. I think I understand how you feel. When I was losing weight I remember going to a supermarket and visiting the loo - when I was washing my hands this women came up to the basin next to me and I glanced at her thinking how slim she was - and then did a double-take when I realised that I was slimmer than she was! It takes a while to get used to seeing yourself in a new way - and other people are good frame of reference. But keep it to yourself!

Pawsandclaws · 20/08/2009 10:16

Oh, you're hurting nobody unless you externalise it! So what if you have smug thoughts FGS, one person's momentary smug thought isn't going to really make any difference is it people!

Don't be so harsh on her - eg By lljkk "You may well get your comeupppance, OP, and become fat again (fatter than before, even). Do not revel in smuggery or you will live to regret it!" Nice. You don't have ishoos yourself, do you?

It's totally normal and usually temporary to think "thank god that's not me any more" and feel pleased with yourself about that.

Also, as you are recently slim, it's psychological to put distance between yourself and where you have moved from - and you are mentally doing this by "rejecting" the plus size ladies and their big baggy cover ups.

When you have adjusted to being slimmer you won't feel smug, you'll just be pleased with your new look and won't be too concerned with others' sizes.

WidowWadman · 20/08/2009 10:18

YANBU at all. I feel the same and I've only lost about 4 st with another to go.

It's not that you go an point at the fat ladies while laughing. That would be unreasonable.

But feel smug all you like. You earned it.

lljkk · 20/08/2009 10:19

I'm not having a go at you, OP! Please re-read, and note the in my last post.
"Smug" is your word choice, after all.
If it were me I would try to feel grateful.

lljkk · 20/08/2009 10:21

Oh, right, I thought "smug" always meant a bit of looking down on others. Not just satisfied with oneself. If OP only means she's pleased with herself, fair enough, of course she should be pleased with herself. I thought "smug" meant something else.

IsItMeOr · 20/08/2009 10:27

To the people made sad by the thought of this, I find Eleanor Roosevelt's quote really helpful to remember - "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

CommonNortherner · 20/08/2009 10:30

YABU in the normal sense, but obviously with your issues around food and having been severely overweight the smugness isn't really about others or how you feel about other specific people, but how you feel about yourself and your former weight and about being overweight in general. It probably shows you also have further mentally to go to accept yourself.

/internetpsychobabble

I suffered with bulimia for many years and am now over 3 stone down and have almost 7 more to go. I am currently in the most mentally healthy place I've ever been regarding weight and that's to not think of it at all, not in others and not in myself. There is the feeling that society wants you to hate yourself, to know what a worthless piece of obese scum you are draining our resources and daring to be out in the street looking all, you know... FAT. I don't think it's right to take on that attitude, especially if one has been there, but it is completely understandable on a physical and mental journey to finally feel like one of the "normal" people.

blahblahblah I have too much time on my hands.

Bathsheba · 20/08/2009 11:39

I've recently lost 7.5 stone (put what feels like 9 back as onas I'm now pg...)

I did manage to feel proud of myself without looking down on other people when I was buying clothes...it is possible to be proud without being smug.

Nancy66 · 20/08/2009 11:45

Remember you were one of those bigger women not so long ago - and, statistically, there's a 97% chance you will be again. Pride before a fall n all that...

oneopinionatedmother · 20/08/2009 12:03

is this a mumsnet thing - as soon as anyone is pleased about something that goesright, they are instantly accused of smuggery? (i like the word though) and the OP is therefore accusing herself (pre-empting others?)

I think it is best to be pleased at those things you have achieved, as pleased as possible. Time robs us of most of these achievements in the end, there is only the present time to enjoy them in. Enough things go wrong in life....best not to dwell on them. If i ever feel jealous, i remind myself that no-ones life is easy.

OP, making that mental switch in your self-image can be really hard. If being smug helps, smug away...

the image of a friend who'd shed 5 stone with lighter life turning before the mirror and tutting over the slightest ounce of misplaced flesh on her tiny size 8 frame.. I'd much rather she'd been smug.

Original poster

twinkletoescare · 20/08/2009 13:26

Thanks for your views eveyone.

lljkk - slightly confused, what is it im meant to be gratefull for?

Nancy66 yeah thanks for the statistics,you have given me great faith that the past 20 years of eating disorders are behind me

OP posts:

Pawsandclaws · 20/08/2009 13:33

You sound jealous Nancy66.

lljkk · 20/08/2009 14:21

I would be grateful that somehow I was able to drop the weight when so many people try but can't manage it. Same as feeling lucky, I guess.

OP chose the word smug herself.

piscesmoon · 20/08/2009 14:49

I don't think that is very helpful Nancy66-there is no reason for you to put it back on, twinkle-don't let people spoil you achivement.

WidowWadman · 20/08/2009 14:53

IIjk - what does weight loss have to do with luck?

You don't lose 4 or 5 stone by chance unless it's through losing both legs in an accident, and nobody would call that lucky.

Losing that much weight is all about self discipline and working on it.

You don't have to be grateful to anyone else but yourself for doing it.

mumsiebumsie · 20/08/2009 15:03

Just because the OP chose to admit her feeling of "smugness" before being accused of it, doesn't mean that she is justified in feeling that way. IMO the emotion is wrong and if you admit to feeling it then you should expect the fall out.

You say you've only recently began shopping in "normal" size shops - which means I'm presuming you're around a Size 16? Just think of all the Size 10 woman who look over smugly, happy in the knowledge that they don't have to filter through size 16 clothes.

As someone who has also battled an eating disorder, just because you dropped that irrelevant detail into your post doesn't mean you get let off the hook for being a bit of a wally.

moondog · 20/08/2009 15:19

YANBU at all. Bloody well done to you. You have every reason to feel proud and smug. Ignore the posters who would like to beleive that it is possible for people to overlook the fact that people are obese. They don't and it does matter. A great deal.

Be as smug as you like.

piscesmoon · 20/08/2009 17:51

I can't believe that someone can have the massive achievement of losing 5 stone, which takes tremendous self discipline,and then have people saying they can't be smug, pride comes before a fall and it will go back on!
There was a thread a while ago where someone had lost a lot of weight and was upset because people noticed and commented-they were somehow not supposed to have thought she was fat in the first place! I have only lost 2 stone and I love the compliments-5 stone is fantastic!Don't let anyone tell you differently.

MaggieBeauLeo · 20/08/2009 17:56

Perhaps it should be a litle less self-conscious????

When I was at my thinnest, I used to look at people eating chocolate or crisps not with envy or longing though, I honestly felt horrified that they could sit there willingly poisoning themselves with unnecessary sugar and fat. I realise now I was borderline eating disorder, not starving myself, I ate about 1200 cals a day, everyday! weighed myself everyday, 8 stone again, tick, phew... I even used to write it down every day too.

to the outside world I look healthy, if a little too thin perhaps. On the inside, my head was a scary place.

southeastastra · 20/08/2009 17:57

agree you're allowed to be smug! i'm smug when i pass all the smokers still puffing away outside the office.

slowreadingprogress · 20/08/2009 18:28

It's just a shame it has to be such a negative emotion towards others. Be proud of yourself of course but don't let that get tinged with the nastiness of looking at others in a negative way.

Some kindness for your fellow man will go a long way in life and I'm not directing that at you OP, as you are clearly aware the smug feeling does you no favours but others who say oh, be as smug as you like. Doesn't make you a good person.

Original poster

twinkletoescare · 20/08/2009 18:41

mumsiebumsie.... "Just think of all the Size 10 woman who look over smugly, happy in the knowledge that they don't have to filter through size 16 clothes."
I know how nice it must be for them....particually if they have had a tremendous weight loss and to feel dreadfull at feeling that smuggness.....

lijkk- you do make me chuckle! seriously do you really think i should be grateful and feel lucky?

slowreadingprogress i agree it is a shame, funny thing the human mind..

OP posts:

Mumcentreplus · 20/08/2009 18:59

I don't think smug is the best word..I would feel pleased,I would feel self respect and a sense of achievement...but not smug..because that can mean superior, conceited ..better than others..and it's hard to achieve something you have ..but do you feel better than others who have not achieved this?...no..you feel good because you have achieved this...well done btw

GirlsAreLoud · 20/08/2009 19:10

As long as you don't mind the size 8s feeling smug when they look at you

Original poster

twinkletoescare · 20/08/2009 19:17

mumcentreplus, Thank you ,thats exactly how i feel.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread