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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that it is in rather poor taste to put your child in a T-shirt that says

71 replies

smellyeli · 14/08/2009 19:42

.... 'I'm not naughty, I'm autistic'

Printed in big black letters on a red T=shirt, front and back.

If it is true and said child is indeed autistic? - I'm not sure he should be labelled so obviously. Poor taste.

If it is not true and child is merely naughty? Very poor taste, IMO.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Frasersmum123 · 14/08/2009 20:31

YABU - I have one of those T-Shirts and it makes people stop and think before they judge me or my DS. I did buy mine from the National Autistic Society and I have had very positive comments.

sunfleurs · 14/08/2009 20:35

Not poor taste. My ds is autistic. Personally I have not bought one for him because I couldn't give two hoots what people think of his behaviour. He is high functioning anyway so slips under the radar most of the time. When he does go off on one I am happy to explain and sometimes embarass any judgemental types who may be looking on.

If someone has a problem with them then I think it says more about that person than the parents or child who choose to use this t-shirt.

MaggieBeauLeo · 14/08/2009 20:36

I want one for my son. I'll buy a huge one, and carry it around in my bag, and if somebody starts tutting and staring, I'll hold it up! (my son would never let me put it on him)

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 14/08/2009 20:38

do they make them in pink?

DollyPS · 14/08/2009 20:39

I want one for my lad that says I have ADHD.

off to see if not I might get one made up as I am sick to the back teeth trying tell folks it isnt a normal tantrum he is having do they listen to they hell.

MaryBS · 14/08/2009 20:41

YABU if its true. I'm sick to death of judgy people judging my son with Asperger's, although I wouldn't get a T shirt that said that - maybe one of the others though. I'm tempted to get one for myself (I have Asperger's too)!

MaggieBeauLeo · 14/08/2009 20:43

There's a cloth bag there that'd be useful, and I am going to order it. Like somebody said, I don't want to remind myself of the fact that my son has autism every second of every day, or buy 20 t-shirts with 'i have autism, what's your excuse?' written on them.... but you never know when you're going to need it. Going to buy the bag and then I can flash it at the tuttybiddies.

sunfleurs · 14/08/2009 20:45

We have had our fair share of disgusted looks. I always explain. I am proud of my ds and won't let him be judged in that way.

I have to say though I have had some very positive experiences also like the female train guard who let us sit in first class without having to pay after I had told her (I have to explain because ds does not answer strangers) and the library assistant who wiped off all my fines because after he was diagnosed I went to pieces a bit and didn't manage to take our library books back for 3 months, just totally forgot and the guy who took ds's passport photo the other day and said really worriedly "why won't he talk to me?" I told him and he said "Ohhh, thats a relief, I thought he didn't like me or something" and then proceeded to be so gentle and matter of fact with ds.

Most people are actually really lovely once you explain.

MaryBS · 14/08/2009 20:45

There are lots of great t shirts on the CafePress website, I like this one:

shop.cafepress.co.uk/design/6568871

or this shop.cafepress.co.uk/design/12920196

or this shop.cafepress.co.uk/design/24349216

Original poster
smellyeli · 14/08/2009 20:46

Is it mostly older people who tut? The same ones who bemoan the state of the nation? Or is it other parents? Having realised I am being unreasonable and not thought it through, I'm now pretty horrified at the reactions that you get, and desperately hoping to avoid putting my foot in it yet again.......

OP posts:
5inthebed · 14/08/2009 20:49

Op already knows she IBU. Glad you're not too open minded to admit it Op. These tshirts are great for parents who are self conscious about how people perceive their DC.

I've seen a great one I want to get DS2. It says "autistic by day, deadly ninja by night"

sunfleurs · 14/08/2009 20:50

It's everyone really smellyeli. The worst is when people who you are friendly with just drop you. Funnily enough my dad was and still is the worst. He refuses point blank to believe that ds has it and is really impatient with him.

5inthebed · 14/08/2009 20:50

Op, it is usually every range of age, there is no set category. Men. women, grannies, grandads. You name them, they tut.

MaggieBeauLeo · 14/08/2009 20:51

yes smellyeli,, my son is also high functioning and doesn't look autistic, although his speech is severely delayed. BUT it is mostly older women.

The other day though, I was tutted by a woman not even 40, I was struggling at one of those self-serve scan your own shopping checkouts, my son had a bit of a wobble she made the 'obnoxious children; comment, and then leapt back into her 4x4 where her husband was waiting for her with her kids. (I'm a singlle mum. Made me so mad). Also, she HUNG BACK so that we could catch up with her before she muttered 'obnoxious children' under her breath, and THEN she strode off.

THat hurt more, cos she was my age tbh. Most of the tuts, I just shrug them off because they are from 'biddies'

Goblinchild · 14/08/2009 20:54

I find the deadliest category is mothers of 3 to pre-teen children.
Parents of children younger than that are often too knackered and worried to put up much of a consistent barrage. Parents of teens have enough shit on their own nt plates to deal with.
Mine is able and AS, so when he explodes it's more of a shock. Added to the fact he's big and strong for his age and has been since he was 3.

Goblinchild · 14/08/2009 20:55

bugger
'mothers of three year olds, to mothers of pre teens.'

chegirl · 14/08/2009 20:58

YABVU.

Its all been said really.

My son has very severe eczema. I got so fed up with people making comments and telling me how to cure it I got him a teeshirt saying.

Yes I have eczema
Yes my mum has put something on it
No its not catching
NOW GO AWAY!

Dermatology nurse was so impressed she took a photo for a conference she was going to.

You have to understand the desperation of parents with SN (which he also has), disabilities and long term conditions.

MaryBS · 14/08/2009 21:00

I can cope with the tutting, its the narrow-mindedness of some. Like "We never had autism in our day, just naughty children". That's from my mother's generation. I went ballistic, as most people don't know I have AS too!

Frasersmum123 · 14/08/2009 21:01

Mainly older people! (Women mainly) who think kids should be seen and not heard. I have just posted on the SN board about such an encounter today.

Sunfleurs - definately true what you say. I have 'friends' who just dont bother any more, and one that I had a proper falling out with. My DS doesnt like screaming, and we were over at her house and her DD was screaming a song, trying to wind DS up, who was only 2.5 at the time. He got so upset he stated scratching his elbow and before I knew it he was bleeding, only a small amount but some got on her carpet. She was nice to my face as we left, but later she sent me a text saying not to come again as her carper was 'ruined' and I obviously couldnt control my child. I was so hurt I cried for ages because she knew all about DS and his ASD DX.

Frasersmum123 · 14/08/2009 21:05

Che - so agree with you about the eczema, I would also like one which reads 'No I havent had chicken pox' I swear, everytime I go in Tesco Express the lady that serves me (always the same lady cos its really small) asks that, then I say its ezcema, she tells me about her bad wrists and then I sympathise - its like ground-hog day every Tuesday and Friday

Either that or one which says 'there are no magic cures' as people feel they need to depart thier knowledge of everything that will make his skin better, including the Mum at school and her bloddy Aloe Vera products

saintlydamemrsturnip · 14/08/2009 21:05

smelly- in my experience it's not really the older generation. It can be, but they're just as likely to be kind as the younger.

The worst for gawping ime is teenagers. 15/16 year old girls particularly bad. Younger children tend to ask me 'why is he doing that?, why are you counting? why is he.....'

Childless men are often much better than anyone else. They just accept ds1 I find.

Literally 2 minutes after the 'you could say excuse me' comment someone approached me and asked if ds1 was autistic. She said she recognised the sounds she was making (another Mum of a boy with autism). People who have worked with autism and/or learning disabilities often approach me when we are out to have a chat, or help me out when he kicks off big time.

If people get carried away staring I now tell them not to.

MaggieBeauLeo · 14/08/2009 21:08

Frasersmum, that made me sad.

I think I have more understanding from acquaintaces, now that my son is nearly four and I can say, yes he's doing ABA at St *** (special autism school). It's like 'proof'. NOt that I need it. But .... I can say yes, they educational psychologist is REALLY pleased with him put that in your pipe and smoke it

expatinscotland · 14/08/2009 21:09

I know someone with CP who has a t-shirt that reads, 'I'm not drunk I have CP'.

She designed it herself and had it made up after she once had a seizure in the street and people just assumed she'd fallen over drunk.

She also gets questioned by coppers a lot.

sunfleurs · 14/08/2009 21:11

Frasersmum What a tw*t! Mine were two mums I was fairly friendly with. Once I told them about his diagnosis they just stopped being friendly and never invited us to do anything with them again. I felt like saying "its ok, your kids won't catch it!".

My Mum is good but my dad doesn't believe it, he says the same things as others "he is just a naughty boy, needs discipline etc". My in-laws discussed it at length, then told me they didn't believe it. So obviously this means I am making it up then? My BIL said that ds is "manipulative". I just barrage them with facts and try not to let it bother me. Everyone has an uneducated opinion though, which does my head in. I just want to say "Go and read some f*cking books on the subject, look at the NAS website, in fact just google autism or AS and then come and have a chat with me about autism and what you think it means!"

When all else fails I rudely say "forgive me if I take the opinion of ds's Developmental Paediatrician, GP, his SENCO, his SALT and his Occupational Therapist over yours won't you?"

5inthebed · 14/08/2009 21:14

FM that is so sad. I've had a few friends dump me because of DS2, a few of them with dc his age. Apparently it is catching