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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To Think That This is Bordering on Neglect....

78 replies

ithinkmydaughterispeppapig · 13/08/2009 11:18

My mum and I are quite concerned about my nieces and nephews, they are happy and healthy but my brother and SIL are not too worried about safety at home or out.

Basically the DC aged between 9 and 2 are allowed to play out unsupervised in the street in front of their house. The 4 year old has already had a leg broken after being knocked down by a car in their street, and when my mum visited them this week the only just 2 year old was out in the street in the on a trike. The road is quite dangerous cars parked on both sides, the road goes down a hill and then up a hill, and the residents are campaigning for speed bumps and a 20 mph limit, to slow the traffic down.

Do you think we should discuss it with them, we don't want to fall out, or should we just accept that the way the parent is different to us. The DC are otherwise cared for very well.

OP posts:

slowreadingprogress · 13/08/2009 20:12

the difference is that they can see a big car coming, but they have no idea that if that car hits them, they would die and never be alive again. No idea of how close it is going to get within a certain timeframe, etc

HTH

Original poster

ithinkmydaughterispeppapig · 13/08/2009 20:15

Thanks for all your replies, I don't think having a neigbour looking out is enough to protect a 2 year old on a busy road.

The social services were involved last time and my brother and SIL were more careful but things have started to slip again. It is only this issue, every other aspect is great, they are loved, fed, clothed etc.

Anyway this evening my mum has had a firm word with them, explaining how she feels and what the risks are. They took it quite well and understood where my mum was coming from. We will have to now wait and see what happens and decide our next step if there needs to be one.

We just don't want them to feel we are ganging up on them. It just when love then and the DC greatly and we don't want them to come to any harm.

OP posts:

katiestar · 13/08/2009 20:17

OK Job done {grin}

slowreadingprogress · 13/08/2009 20:17

good for you, and for your mum then! It's very hard to get involved but your mum has certainly done a good thing there.

expatinscotland · 13/08/2009 20:33

Good for you!

YorkshireRose · 14/08/2009 13:20

Well done to your mum, ITMDIPP. I hope it helps the situation.

jennymac · 14/08/2009 13:54

My neice and nephew are 6 and 5 and they are allowed to play out on the road. My brother and SIL live in a cul-de-sac and they are the second last house so the chances of anything happening are slim but I still won't let my dd (only 3yr right enough!) go past their gate and don't think I would even if she was older. But then I think that is a reflection of today's generation being overly paranoid about stuff that we would have been allowed to do no problem as children. Could your mum have a word with your brother? Would sound better coming from her.

YorkshireRose · 14/08/2009 14:00

Jennymac - I wasn't allowed to play in the road unsupervised when I was 2 and that was over 40 years ago. Neither were the other kids on the street and it was a quiet road in a village, no through traffic except to a farm.

I was allowed to play out in the street from about age 7, though.

So I don't accept this is about modern parents paranoia. A 2 yo just is not able to take care on a road and never has been able to!

juuule · 14/08/2009 14:06

I wasn't allowed out to play at 2yo either, YorkshireRose, and that was nearly 50y ago.

juuule · 14/08/2009 14:13

That should be out to play on the road unsupervised.

frasersmummy · 14/08/2009 15:13

I dont think its sensible to let a 2 year old play in the street unsupervised

but I really dont think its anywhere neglect either There are real cases of neglect in the uk every day.

Siblings playing happily in front of their house is not one of them

YorkshireRose · 14/08/2009 15:21

It is neglect, frasers, as they are putting their children in danger.

And as the 4yo has already been hit by a car and had a broken leg they clearly are in danger.

And is seems SS agree as they have already visited the OPs bother and SIL about this.

expatinscotland · 14/08/2009 17:00

I didn't play outside in the front of our house unsupervised until I was about 7 or 8 and that was 30 years ago.

messalina · 14/08/2009 17:16

I sympathise with your fears and would not allow my children to play in the street like that but I fear that you will permanently jeopardise your relationship with your brother and sister in law if you say anything too obvious. I see children playing in our street and I actually told some of them off (very gently) because there was a little boy (maybe aged 3) with his older sister (who must have been about 5 or 6) going DOWN the hill on a scooter when cars could not see them coming round the corner. They could easily have been seriously injured or worse if a car had rounded the corner as they were nearing the bottom of the hill. I told the big girl not to do this in the street and explained why and I haven't seen them since. No parent was anywhere to be seen. Yes, I do think this is very dangerous. Neglect is a very strong term to use though. You could send out a message by not letting your child do the same whilst at your house and explaining why. They might think twice about it afterwards, or they might just think you are uptight. But I don't see what you can do. Maybe your mother would be better placed to speak discreetly to your brother.

messalina · 14/08/2009 17:19

Ah. Hadn't read all the posts. Seems as if things are improving. Great news.

nappyaddict · 14/08/2009 17:52

My feeling is that it is ok for a 3 year old to play unsupervised in the street if they know not to go on the road or run off. My 3 year old does not know this so I can't imagine that a 2 year old would, however my friend's 3 year old does.

expatinscotland · 14/08/2009 18:25

3-year-olds, ANY 3-year-old, do not have the reasoning power to stay out of the road if say, their ball rolls into it, a friend signals them from the other side, etc.

Their minds are not those of an older child.

The street is there to be used by vehicles, and whilst vehicle users have a responsiblity to be aware of hazards that come into it and hopefully react accordingly, it's a parent's responsibility to keep their child as safe as possible.

And 3 is too young to play unsupervised.

My 3-year-old knows not to go in the road, but being a child with a child of her age's impulsive tendancies, she cannot be trusted to 100% not go into the road if she is unsupervised.

juuule · 14/08/2009 18:30

I completely agree with Expat on this.

slowreadingprogress · 14/08/2009 21:11

me too!

pania · 14/08/2009 22:25

me too.

mummiesnet · 14/08/2009 22:31

Why are they in the road in the first place?

DO they have no garden?

It just seems odd that they are fantastically looked after in every other way but this.

What is going on exactly?

JodieO · 14/08/2009 22:31

Totally agree with expat. Also, I'm sure I've read that young children don't even have the brain capability to avoid cars at a young age, so that's entirely the parents' fault. They can't judge depth properly so the car could be close but still run out as they don't realise how close it is.

AppleHEAD · 14/08/2009 22:39

As a kid I played out in the road but only after I was about 8. I don't remember enjoying it much. I can never understand why so many people seem to think it's something we have lost or you should miss. I just remember it was fun to go to other peoples houses and to play with their toys.
Are they poor parents in other areas? I think thats what makes neglect, a whole series of things. I would ask them if they are worried and say that if it were me I wouldn't do it but try not to be confrontational.

proverbial · 14/08/2009 22:41

Lots of people don't have gardens. Doesn't mean we send our kids out onto busy roads though.

mummiesnet · 14/08/2009 22:45

Yes well that's my point exactly. If these children are so fabulously well looked after in other ways then why are the parents not looking after them in this respect?

Do you think they are not as fabulous as you think they are? Or maybe that you are overblowing the being out in the road thing?

The two things you've said about them don't sit very well together for me. On the one hand fabulous, caring parents who ensure their children are well looked after and healthy and on the other parents who leave a two year old to play in the street without their supervision.

So which is it?

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