To take a 17 year-old (gay) clubbing?

[Miyazaker]

I am friendly with a 17 year-old boy at my martial arts club. He is gay and desperate to experience a gay club. My friend (who is a lesbian) and I have agreed to take him out but I am slightly concerned about being effectively in loco parentis. He is very camp and prone to shooting his mouth off about random men in the street and will be a huge bag of testosterone once inside the club. He also hasn't yet learned the art of pacing himself with the drinks.

On the other hand, he is likely to be safer with us (mid-20s, fairly responsible adults) than if he goes out with his teenage friends. We are partly taking him out as a kindness, as being a gay teenager isn't easy, and he says his parents haven't accepted it yet. He has quite a heavy beard for his age and will probably be able to get into the clubs, especially with older people.

I have no kids and am not used to hanging out with teenage boys; the dynamic is mostly of friends, but then he will say something that reminds me just how young he is. He is only a few months off 18 but pre-Year 13 and living at home.

How would you feel if someone was socialising with your 17 year-old in this situation?

I am 22 and my best mate is a 17YO drag queen, we go pubbing and clubbing all the time but he knows not to shoot his mouth off right enough.

If you think he is responsible enough and you are comfortable with it then go for it!

Have fun

that is a good point, Miyazaker - how old are you?

It could be argued that if you and the boy were contemporaries, like mamadiva and her mate, the lines would be more blurred. Not saying mamadiva is not an adult, but they are close in age, and do this all the time together. Which I think is slightly different.

I think I would wonder about the agenda a much older adult (and at mid-20s you are much older than a 17yo) had if they wanted to take my kid clubbing.

Of course kids are sneaking into clubs etc, I know I did. But none of the adults in my life ever condoned it because they were adults.

Miyazaker all the clubs round here have a strict over 18's policy and some are only for over 21's. They check all Id to and will not let anyone under age in. In fact DD2 19has a citizens ID Card but she has found that most clubs will not except it. I would actually be furious if someone in their mid 20's took my 17 year old to a nightclub.
In fact my 17 year old does have a 20 year old friend but I know for a fact that she won't take her to a nightclub.

Agree with Op that some posters need a reality check, if they think that a 'school disco' is going to suffice for a nearly 18 year old. I was clubbing at 17. Doesn't everyone ?
But also, agree, that Op does know, that unfortunately she can not be the one to take him.
My nephew is only slightly older. His parents can not accept that he is gay. And he is so loud and obnoxious he regularly gets himself into trouble. Is this a sign of a struggling gay person ? I wonder.

I don't have an unhealthy interest in teenage boys, as a couple of posters seem to be implying! My exes are both mid/late 30s. The vast majority of my friends are 26 and 27; all are between 21 and about 40. At martial arts clubs people of all ages train - and socialise - together. It's nice; you meet a wider range of people than you would otherwise. If his mother was set on finding us, she would only have to contact the club.

The situation has come about because my friend and I go out to gay bars/clubs fairly regularly. she has also become something of a role model to this boy - she took him to Pride out of the goodness of her heart and she and her (mostly female) friends looked after him all day. He is hard work though, which is why all three of us were going to go out. She is 23 - her/his ages are analogous to mamadiva's and her friend's.

My friend and I discussed it last night and I mentioned the views of posters on here - we have decided that if we go, the ground rules will be very strict.

FWIW he has texted me to go for a drink this evening and I am debating whether to fend him off. If I do go for a quick beer, I will be quizzing him about exactly how his parents feel about him going out with the likes of me.

If he were my son I would prefer he went clubbing with some clued up older people (especially a lesbian as then the trust element would be higher) than either on his own or with some young naive gay friends.

If I were taking him I would make it very clear that copping off when you first go out is a stupid and embarrassing mistake as you inevitatbly end up with the bloke that looks out for all the young ones and take advantage.#

I spent a lot of time in the village in Manchester as many of my collegues are gay. Even in London it is a pretty small place and to have a nightmare encounter that you then get reminded of forever more is not fun.

Far better to go a few times with a few older cynics who can tell you all about the scene, who and what to look out for and how to be safe. So you don't fall for the slapper.

I would either wait until he was 18 or talk to his parents though before taking him.

lots of places round here wont accept anything other than driving license or passport, door policies are strict, chances are he wont even get in

some of the comments on this thread have made me laugh