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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my friend should not leave her toddlers alone in the bath?

70 replies

sunshiney · 10/08/2009 20:25

My friend (of many years) is quite open about the fact that she will put her two ds's in the bath together, then go out of the bathroom to tidy the bedrooms and generally potter about. Her elder boy is 3 in October, the younger is 14 months.
She says she keeps popping in and out of the bathroom every few minutes.

I said to her I didn't think this was right, i think she's taking a big risk, especially with her younger boy. What if there was an accident she didn't hear, if it took her a few minutes to come back it could be too late.

She said she thinks it is a safe thing to do.
What says mumsnet?

Am I the only person with a mental block against leaving my toddler in the bath even for a minute?

OP posts:

AmazingBouncingFerret · 11/08/2009 07:48

Its strange this thread should appear, just yesterday I left my DS who is 2 and a half, for the first time to go and get a towel from the cupboard. It got me thinking is he old enough to be left alone for a few minutes whilst I "get things done" I probably wont leave him alone he enjoys our squirty sharks game too much!!

muddleduck · 11/08/2009 08:55

I think that it is fine.
She knows her kids and knows what to look out for. We leave the dss (2 and 4) in the bath together for ages and they have such fun. I'm not a risk-taker by nature but I've never actually heard of kids having serious accidents in the bath while unattended and I don't think I'm taking a big risk. Sure there is a small risk, but I'd say this is less risky than many other things that parents routinely do with their kids. I think that this is one of those things that people have got overly concerned about but if anyone has any hard evidence to show that I'm wrong I'd be happy to read it

CyradisTheSeer · 11/08/2009 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PrincessToadstool · 11/08/2009 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rooble · 12/08/2009 22:20

These accidents DO happen - I had a colleague (about 13 years ago admittedly, and I've never heard of similar since, so I guess statistically it could be a relatively low risk) whose two toddler children died in almost exactly these circumstances - doorbell rang while they were being bathed, and their mother nipped downstairs to answer the door. That poor woman....
Anyway, as I result I can't leave my 2YO in the bath. And I'm really not sure what age he'll be when I start to relax about it.

OrmIrian · 12/08/2009 22:27

I did this I think. Can't quite remember.

Karam · 13/08/2009 18:04

Scarlett, just because your child is not responsible enough to be left, that does not mean that other people are not responsible.

Each parent must judge the situation individually based on the maturity and personalities of their children.

I do leave my two girls in the bath together (almost 6 and 3), but they are responsible, loud and most crucially dobbers. DD1 lets me know whenever DD2 even splashes water over the side. We have very strict guidelines on what they are and are not allowed to do and that they must dob on everything untoward (which they do!). Furthermore I would never go downstairs and can get to them in the time it takes to hold a breath.

Karam · 13/08/2009 22:38

"These accidents DO happen - I had a colleague (about 13 years ago admittedly, and I've never heard of similar since, so I guess statistically it could be a relatively low risk) whose two toddler children died in almost exactly these circumstances - doorbell rang while they were being bathed, and their mother nipped downstairs to answer the door. That poor woman...."

I know what you mean, when you are affected by something then it does cloud your judgement. For example, my cousin almost died when he went to see newborn lambs and contracted a bug (which was on his clothes) that hospitalised him for well over a month and resulted in him having several months off school. As a result, I never take my children to see newborn lambs. I'm sure most other mums would think what a loon, where's the harm? and statistically I guess the odds of it happening again are quite low. But I remember it happening, and it was not nice so I won't take my children lambing - to me that is a risk too great, but I bet most people wouldn't even consider it to be a risk. Trouble is our own personal experiences can cloud our ability to judge what is or is not an acceptable risk - particularly if you have previously been adversely affected by the issue.

Dillydaydreamer · 13/08/2009 22:52

My 3.7yo is very capable and is able to swim, get in and out (really tall) so I do let her play in the bath unattended while I do things upstairs (small house so I can hear her well in every room). DD2 is only 17mths and I may nip for pj's or towel but definately not go downstairs when she is bathing.
I definately would not leave the room with 2 children that age in a bath due to the risk of rough play and drowning.

Mumcentreplus · 13/08/2009 23:27

I have left my DDs in the bath together since they were about 5 and 3 (checking frequently)they are now 7 and 5 (check less frequently but still have a quick look)...they happily play together and are pretty sensible apart from DD2 who has a taste for bath water

nappyaddict · 14/08/2009 01:27

Dillydaydreamer do you do things downstairs with the 3.7 year old? If so when did you first start doing it?

mathanxiety · 15/08/2009 00:59

No never OK. It takes only a few minutes for a child to drown, and a child can also sustain brain damage by hitting a head and falling under the water. Is it worth the chance to tidy up? Either one of the toddlers could stand up, slip and fall, bang their heads and go under. Try to get your friend to visualise her bathroom with police taking evidence photos, and asking her where exactly where she was while the children were left unattended. And one little bodybag being put in an ambulance, with child protective services on their way to pick up the other child while the matter was being investigated. This is a heavy responsibility for an older child to bear. How would a 3 or 4 year old feel if their sibling drowned while in their care? I knew a girl whose sister drowned while they were swimming and it really screwed her up.

"I know I would know about it if anyone was drowning". How much do you want to bet?

girlsyearapart · 15/08/2009 08:32

My dds are 11mo and 23 mo.I take the youngest out and wrap her up in a towel before coming back to lift her sister out. I can see part of the bath all the time and hear her talking to me. No you cannot hear someone drown. I was a lifeguard and swim instructor for ten years.
My in laws have developed an extremely irritating habit of calling round at bath and bedtime and I have had to take dripping wet and cold dds out of the bath to answer the door. I would never leave them to answer it though.

tillyfernackerpants · 15/08/2009 09:15

I've only just started leaving ds1 (3.5yr) in the bath alone while I get ds2 (8mo) dried & dressed, though this is only occasionally when dh isn't home to help.

I would never leave them in the bath alone together, even to potter about nearby, & I would never leave ds2 alone.

I guess you've pointed out the risks to her, she still thinks its ok, not sure there's much more you can do tbh.

Bumperslucious · 15/08/2009 12:36

I think being able to swim has bugger all to do with being left in the bath. Baths can be slippery, if a child falls over and can't get themselves up then then they could drown.

That said I will leave DD (2.2) for about 5 seconds while I run and get a towel or check on dinner or something but then I live in a flat so it is much easier.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/08/2009 18:05

Bumperslucious - i agree

being able to swim cant help you if you fall/slip (always have a bath mat or two with young children) whack your head and lay face down in water unconscious

limonchik · 15/08/2009 18:18

Being able to swim/used to going swimming does make things a little safer, as children would then know to hold their breath while under water. The risk with very small children is that if their heads slip under the water for any reason their natural reaction is to scream/cry out, which means taking a deep breath first but filling their lungs with water instead of air - they can drown very quickly.

For that reason I wouldn't leave any child under about 2yo alone in the bath, and would only consider leaving 2/3 yo with a very sensible sibling over 5 I think. I'd probably leave a sensible 3/4yo briefly if I could trust them not to stand up or reach for things.

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 16/08/2009 18:22

I guess it depends on how long and how far.
I leave my little one in the bath (she's nearly four) and will sit on my bed to get myself dry etc. But, in fairness, the distance between my bed and my bath is teeny, I can see DD from my bed, so it doesnt feel too risky. I wouldn't go downstairs to answer the door bell or answer the phone though, because thats where the line of sight disappears.

AramintaCane · 16/08/2009 18:41

I never did when mine were small because MIL left SIL age 2 in the bath and went to get a towel and came back to find her floating on the top unconcious. SIL survived but it is a horrible story that I was told as soon as I had a baby.

landrover · 19/08/2009 19:14

far too young

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