AIBU to think my friend should not leave her toddlers alone in the bath?

[sunshiney]

My friend (of many years) is quite open about the fact that she will put her two ds's in the bath together, then go out of the bathroom to tidy the bedrooms and generally potter about. Her elder boy is 3 in October, the younger is 14 months.
She says she keeps popping in and out of the bathroom every few minutes.

I said to her I didn't think this was right, i think she's taking a big risk, especially with her younger boy. What if there was an accident she didn't hear, if it took her a few minutes to come back it could be too late.

She said she thinks it is a safe thing to do.
What says mumsnet?

Am I the only person with a mental block against leaving my toddler in the bath even for a minute?

Ditto what lockets just said.

My point scarlett is that your eldest child in the bath is just 2, my eldest is 6. A big difference.

Never. Never. NEVER. IN CASE YOU DIDN'T GET THAT NEVER. Not even just because of drowning (as if that weren't enough in itself) - at the age of 3.5 I stood up in bath while Mum was in my bedroom (I was happily chatting to her) slipped and busted out my front right tooth. One of my earliest memories and it was horrific.

There are absolutely no END of things that can go wrong in the bath. Also conjure up an image of my cousin and I in the bath about age 5 together and her trying to 'feed me medicine' (shampoo).

No way.

Absolutely would not leave a 14 month old. You can't trust the older child to supervise unless they are a lot older imo. Presumably people would not leave a 14 month old alone, therefore should not leave with an older sibling either.
When I was probably about 4 or 5 I was left in the bath with my younger brother. He slipped under silently, I had my back turned playing with some toys and didn't notice, thank God my dad came past and saw what had happened. I was just absorbed in my game, even now shudder to think of what might have happened.

I leave my 6 year old and 3 year old in the bath whilst i tody up after dinner. i live in a small flat so i can hear them the whole time. i leave the door open. i dont think i would do it if they were upstairs and i was downstairs. when i leave the room i tell them to sing so i can hear them singing or playing and like someone else said always investigate silences. i've been doing that for well over a year. my oldest is very responsible and tells me if the younger is playing up.

they are both well behaved though.

when I was 4 my then also 4 yr old cousin drowned in the bath when her mum left her for a few minutes to deal with something happening outside the house...

YANBU- the truth is lots of people do it-and it only goes horribly wrong a few times. But it does go wrong because the young children are left alone.
My 14 month old slipped whilst sitting in the bath on a bath mat (still can't work out how it happened)and WANTED to try it AGAIN! Imagine if I had left him at that point, with a four year old who might also have thought it was funny.

However whilst you are NBU if you keep on at her I doubt she'll stop- but she may start to avoid you. You have said it.

Leaving them is just not worth it. Take a book or magazine.

14 months is too young to be left alone with another child. I have 4 chidlren and am not a worrying mother, btw.

Dangerous.

When my ds was 2.5 he fell over face first in the toddler pool at local swimming baths. He was well within his depth (i.e. could touch the floor) but floundered and thrashed around and seemed unable to right himself (panic?). Obviously I was on hand so it didn't matter, but it did make me appreciate how vulnerable small children are in water.

the ages of the op said NO NEVER EVER

a child can drown in 2 inches of water

but

as children get older then yes

i would NEVER leave my dc alone at 13mths, nearly 4 and 6.5 - tbh i would prob be fired or at least given a formal warning if i did

though again i know of a mum in eldest year at school who has roughly the same age children and she will ring me when her kids are in the bath and have a natter

and she doesnt have a cordless phone as she doesnt beleive in them so she DEF isnt in the bathroom with them

i now ignore the phone if i see her number pop up if she rings about 6ish

she says that is the only time she can make a call in peace without her 12mth clinging to her and 3yr kicking her

now plonking them in front of tv and her ringing from toilet would be a better idea

Yanbu - it is very irresponsible to leave such young children unsupervised in the bath.

"My point scarlett is that your eldest child in the bath is just 2, my eldest is 6. A big difference."

Liahgen, he's 4. Think you misread.

And it is hideously unfair to expect a 4-, or even a 6-year-old to be responsible for the life of a younger sibling. I know that sounds melodramatic, but that's what it is, all those who are expecting older siblings to raise the alarm. What an unbelievable amount of trust you are naively placing in your young children.

"there is no way one could get hurt, slip under or anything without the others noticing"

They might notice, lockets, but you are imbuing them with intelligence beyond their years to assume they will react in the same way an adult would.

What is the point even risking it?

Oooh... I don't leave DD (5.2) in the bath on her own. I occasionally scurry off for a matter of seconds to get a flannel, but that's it. I do leave DS (7.2) in the bath on his own, but it's only recently that I do it. And I am always in the next room and can hear him clearly (though he's so noisy, I could probably hear him in the next-door bathroom). I would not leave them together even now, as I don't trust them not to create a rumpus of some sort...

14 months is too young to be left in bath either alone or with older sibling IMO.

Never thought I'd see a thread justifying leaving kids in the bath alone!

Please do not think that if a small child is in a bath seat they cannot drown, we had those seats and the suction on the bottom would come away and the seat would move also my dc's used to move or kick themselves free and end up with both legs in the same hole.

They are not safe.

My friends child (around a year) ended up under the water when she was sitting in one of those seats, when my friend was out of the room .

Even though you leave the younger one in the care of an older child in the bath, that older child is still a small child and you cannot say how they will react to a situation just like you can't say for certain how you will react to something until it happens.
What if they don't react in the way that you expect them to because they get scared and freeze?

Will it be their fault because they didn't look after their younger sibling?

Too many things can go wrong for the sake of a tidier house.

See my worry wouldn't be that the 14 month old is too young (I used to leave DS from about 10 months and potter about upstairs. He was always chattering and splashing and if he ever stopped I was back in there in less than 20 seconds) but would be that the 2 year old isn't old enough to behave responsibly and sensibly with the younger child. I would leave say a 4 year old with a baby but not a 2 or 3 year old.

have i read the last post right? a ten month old alone in the bath? if so then i think it's ironic your post says a 2 year old isn't behaving responsibly and sensibly with a young child...

DD6 would not be happy if i sat in the athroom with her she points out thats shs not a baby .Ds 4 i chuck in bath but potter around upstais keep checking on him

I think there is a world of difference between a 10 month old and a 14 month old with an older sibling...but I've been here before with Nappyaddict so I'm leaving the thread now