Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to hate my neighbours

51 replies

drlove8 · 07/08/2009 23:31

..... because they have destroyed my daughters "garden". DD4 has special needs ... we cant use most of our garden because the neighbours use it as the local tip, and as a toilet for their two dogs.its not safe.
there is a small strip of garden at the front of the house that is usually kept really tidy .... its mine and too far from the neighbours door for them too dump their rubbish.
DD4 has a thing for flowers.... she has few words and flowers is one she will say without prompt and with understanding.
so we decided that we would grow dd4 some flowers.
Together , dd4 and i planted some flower seeds in a corner, and i put some edging down to make it seperate from the grass. Then we waited for the flowers to grow.
they started to come up and blossom.... every day DD4 would go to her wee "garden" and say flowers, she'd mabey pick one and be grining for the rest of the day.
this doesnt sound much, but is a big big thing for DD4 , she has learning difficulties/suspected autism and was so attached to her wee space.
Today , when we returned from the doctors, we found that the edging has been riped up for the second time and her flowers have been trampled on.... the rose bush that was planted has had all the branches kicked so there hanging off...... neighbours were sitting laughing when the saw dd4 scream when she saw what they did..... the daughter had a vile smirk when she saw us come up the garden path....How can anyone do this to a disabled child?

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 08/08/2009 00:13

May a cheesegrater grow in their bums.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 08/08/2009 00:14

I really would go to the police. They shouldn't be allowed to get away with this.

drlove8 · 08/08/2009 00:14

lol thunderduck! - you have made me smile !
i'll never make cheese sandwiches without giggeling again!

OP posts:
Tidey · 08/08/2009 00:18

I agree FluffyBunny. It's just so mindless, pointless and cruel. What is going on in these teenagers' heads if they laugh at a SN child's distress at her garden being ruined? Their mother should be utterly ashamed.

drlove8 · 08/08/2009 00:19

fluffy- the police wont do anything..... even if we catch them, their mum/ auntie always insists that they were in, so it couldnt have been them.... so 9 out of 10 times they dont get charged.
if the mum put down her drink for five minutes and looked after her kids , they woudnt have turned out this way....she knows it , so covering her kids misbehavour is her way of being a good mum. ....

OP posts:
FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 08/08/2009 00:20

It's criminal damage, verging on assault as it was designed to cause upset and distress. I'd go to the police.

ParkDweller · 08/08/2009 00:22

Oh DrLove, I feel so bloody furious hearing this. and Makes me feel really violent to be honest so maybe it's no bad thing that i am at the other end of the country.

It's truly disgusting that you and your family are not being protected from this kind of thing. How do the council excuse their failure to act?

I know how problems with neighbours can make you feel really under seige although i have never had anything nearly as bad as this.

I wonder if by any chance there is some local resource that you and your DD4 could use to give yourselves a break from that awful situation? -Maybe a community garden scheme? Allotments? Or at least do you know anyone else who would let your DD come round an use a corner of their garden? I know it's not the same as having it out your back door, but on the other hand it might be nice to get a bit of distance?

Thunderduck · 08/08/2009 00:22

Apologies if I've ruined cheese sandwiches for you now.

I can't understand people like that at all. Your poor dd.
How the hell can anyone do that to a child?

People like that need to be slapped hard and often. What a bunch of fuckwits.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 08/08/2009 00:25

Allotment's a really good idea. It will be away from the bastards.

Thunderduck · 08/08/2009 00:26

Yes and you could always bury them in it. They could fertilise your dd's plants.

ParkDweller · 08/08/2009 00:27

Althougth keeping up an allotment when you've got four kids... I can hardly keep a pot plant watered and i've only got two

BitOfFun · 08/08/2009 00:28

Nothing to add really, but just to say I'm sorry you're going through this - you and your dd sound lovely.

ParkDweller · 08/08/2009 00:28

Thunderduck, you have an inspired line in curses

Thunderduck · 08/08/2009 00:29

I've had a lot of practice.

drlove8 · 08/08/2009 00:36

thers not a lot i can do about this.... will defo get dd4 a window box or something instead.... perhaps she'd like the memorial garden that in the town centre.... its a tribute to lost soldiers,, but has a lot of flowers ....might take her tomorrow.then drop by b&Q and get her some ready grown flowers to plant.
thanx everyone for your posts.... proof that there are nice decent people out there too ....night everyone xxx

OP posts:
ParkDweller · 08/08/2009 00:36

There are quite a lot of organisations dedicated to therapeutic gardening i believe (eg www.dbcg.org.uk/index.htm). Is it just possible that one of them might be in your area and might be able to offer you some support? Worth a bit of a google i suppose...

ParkDweller · 08/08/2009 00:37

Good night DrLove.

Thunderduck · 08/08/2009 00:38

Goodnight. I hope your neighbours have a very sleepless night.

Tanee58 · 08/08/2009 00:42

This is appalling. If the police claim they can't do anything (which is actually them being feeble) I would say you should contact your MP - he or she should be able to put pressure on the council and police to take action. Your council must have an anti social behaviour team who can look into this. Also, if they are counci tenants and dumping rubbish etc in the garden, the council or the ALMO handling the properties on their behalf should be able to take action as they are contravening the terms of their lease. I work for an MP and we hear of cases like this, and the tendancy seems to be for councils to take the easy route. You Mustn't let them - this behaviour is vile and you and other tenants should NOT suffer. You may need to push your MP into pushing the council to do the job they are supposed to be doing - protecting their good tenants from the bad ones.

In the meantime, what about growing some indoor plants for your lovely DD? An Amaryllis in winter/spring will be fabulous and longlasting. Or a Christmas Cactus, and just about anything could be grown indoors in the summer, in pots. She could grow small sunflowers perhaps, or bougainvillea. Have a look in the indoor section of your local garden centre.

lou031205 · 08/08/2009 08:19

drlove8 I don't know if you are aware, but now LAs use Local Housing Allowance instead of Housing Benefit, so you can still private rent, and the landlord doesn't get to know that you receive financial help. You can get an idea of the help you would get by looking here for the maximum allowance for your family size & area, then www.entitledto.co.uk for the help you would get.

SixtyFootDoll · 08/08/2009 08:24

COntact your housing officer
Contact the anti social behaviuor team at the Council
Your neighbours are pigs, so sorry that you have to live next door to them.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 08/08/2009 08:26

Tanee88 is right - the council must do spmething and if they aren't get your local mp involved. Have you talked to your local councillors and invited them round to look?

If your council still take no action then as they are failing in their duties you can tell them that if in x days/weeks that action is not taken then you will submit a formal complaint about them failing in their duties.

If you decide to go down that route then don't hesitate to ask for help here with wording.

saintmaybe · 08/08/2009 10:20

And if any of their behaviour is directed at your dd because of her disability I think that's now classified as a hate crime, and both the council and police have to take it more seriously.

fatjac · 08/08/2009 10:48

I'm so sorry to hear how you have been treated. Could you get in touch with the local newspaper or your local councillor and enquire if the council or anybody with a nice flower garden or allotment would mind if your daughter came to visit their flowers?

Maybe a local garden centre could donate some for you.

scottishmummyofone · 08/08/2009 11:02

Hi, I'm scottish too. Definitely get some more CCTV but be careful. My granny (german) had nazi graffiti on her door and was told she couldn't have CCTV cameras outside (council flat) so she had them inside, pointing out the windows and this was ok I think...

Phone the police again, phone the council, phone your MP, phone your local paper, speak to other neighbours, maybe get a petition going...

for your DD