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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO HAVE TOLD THE TRUTH, IN MY OPINION?

55 replies

hifi · 05/08/2009 17:50

a single friend is joining a dating agency and wanted my view on how attractive she is and how i would describe her figure. out of her list of options i said she was curvy and average looking. shes now not speaking to me because of this.
am i being unreasonable in thinking she wanted a truthful answer i gave her one and now shes offended.

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 05/08/2009 18:12

on reflection you could have said that she had a very feminine shape and lovely hair/eyes/lips/fingernails

I sympathise though because I have a friend who, sometimes, can look like an alien in drag yet thinks she is single because she is so devastatingly attractive men are intimidated - I am not making this up

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 18:15

ROFL 'alien in drag '..ok..I take that back Mitchy You're evil lady

Mumcentreplus · 05/08/2009 18:17

Does she look like Roger from American Dad with a wig?..the wickedness

SixtyFootDoll · 05/08/2009 18:19

well if she is critical of you
what goes around comes around

Curiousmama · 05/08/2009 18:26

You say very feminine and attractive. A mate of mine hasn't had a shag in years but she's just fussy.

at alien in drag.

WinkyWinkola · 05/08/2009 18:32

Is she really your friend?

Couldn't you have said she was curvy with lovely hair/eyes/smile or something? Average looking? Or was is a list ranging from very good looking to ugly?

I think you could have been kinder. What was the point of upsetting her? Mean imo.

BitOfFun · 05/08/2009 18:39

No problem with curvy, unless the site uses it as a euphemism for obese. Average is a bit , even if technically most of us are. If only because you justified it by starting from a point of young=gorgeous and then the law of diminishing returns applies. That ignores that she might be attractive for her age, which she is presumably declaring. Otherwise, by your logic, Raquel Welch is unattractive, but if a 70 yr old man was set up with her he'd be blown away.

Anyhoo, it's done now. Don't apply for the diplomatic corps any time soon...

MitchyInge · 05/08/2009 18:43

oh spooky, I very nearly typed 'is curvy a euphemism for morbid obesity' earlier

Greensleeves · 05/08/2009 18:44

also, was average the worst, or was there a "boot ugly" option?

MummyDragon · 05/08/2009 18:44

I don't want to offend you but I am very at "she has only had one shag in 7 years so i dont know how she would class herself better than average? " ...

Are you saying that you equate sexual activity with attractiveness then??

Have you told her this??

If you have, I'm not surprised she's upset.

Perhaps she's choosy? Or has low self-esteem? And needs positive support and encouragement?

I can see why you told the truth but obviously the truth was too much for her to take - perhaps the question should be, were you unreasonable not to realise that?

Original poster
hifi · 05/08/2009 18:47

there were 2 other options after average but i cant remember them.
she will say herself she has never been chatted up in 7 years, she had her beer goggles on when she had the shag.

OP posts:
skybright · 05/08/2009 18:55

I would never say to a true friend that she was average looking. It sounds like you don't like her that much anyway.

Eve4Walle · 05/08/2009 19:31

Poor woman. I'm with Sky on this one, you must have known in your hear or hearts that telling her she's curvy and average looking would hurt her.

I'm not surprised she's blanking you now. Best leave her for a bit and try again in a few years months.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 05/08/2009 20:14

Hey, "average" ain't that bad. I once asked a boyfriend if he thought I was pretty (I was about 17/18) and he said I was "unusual".

OrmIrian · 05/08/2009 20:25

What mummydragon said.

However it's all so subjective. One woman's curvy is another woman's fat. If she wants to give a realistic description she needs numbers I suppose.

dittany · 05/08/2009 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigGobMum · 05/08/2009 21:05

Old lady - reminds me of the time when someone said to my mum (about me) - "Your daughter is attractive - not pretty but attractive"!

Pan · 05/08/2009 21:05

nearest equiv.

does my bum look big in this - the answer is never,ever, and never 'yes'.

you may have been subjectively accurate but rather tactless??

kylesmybaby · 05/08/2009 21:16

''she has only had one shag in 7 years so i dont know how she would class herself better than average''

what a horrible thing to say - are you sure shes a friend. maybe she doesnt want to give herself to just anyone.

i've not had a shag in 7 years but only because im not ready or havent met the right person. of course i could go out 7 nights a week and get ''shagged'' every night but do i want to - NO !

MorrisZapp · 06/08/2009 12:45

Oh god, my friend was single for years and it was becuase men were 'intimidated by her'.

You just have to agree with your friends when they say these things. There is no other reply. And none of them will ever ever thank you if you suggest that somebody just isn't that into them.

skihorse · 06/08/2009 12:47

On these dating sites it has been proven that women WILL use average as a descriptive option - men read this as "minger". Men however will only very rarely use the option average, instead plumping for "handsome", "brad pitt" or "sex god".

I really don't think you were very nice to your friend - if you can't get kind words from your friends...

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/08/2009 12:57

Yes, I agree with skihorse - you weren't very nice really. I wouldn't dream of telling a friend they were 'average' even if they are!

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/08/2009 12:58

And another point - shaggability doesn't equate to attractiveness... I'm a right minger and also a slag

skihorse · 06/08/2009 13:40

Amen to THAT serendipitousharlot. I've more notches on my bedpost than lipsticks!

SerendipitousHarlot · 06/08/2009 13:42

skihorse Perhaps I should have said was a slag

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