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Original poster

What would you do - possible neglect

64 replies

AppleHEAD · 03/08/2009 18:50

I have a friend who is ill and yesterday her husband took their 2 children out aged 10 and 7. He wanted to train so he took them to a lake where he swims. He left them by the side of the lake by the car (with the keys) for in all about 3 hours. He checked on them each hour but couldn't see them. I am appalled and want to tell her

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 03/08/2009 18:52

how good a friend?

luckylady74 · 03/08/2009 18:54

It doesn't sound great because of the water aspect.
If they're sensible children and strong swimmers then I suppose it's like someone letting their children go to the park or beach for the afternoon - which some people would.
If you feel so strongly about telling her I would present her with it in a neutral way- just the facts and let her deal with it.

Tee2072 · 03/08/2009 18:54

How do you know he did this? What makes you think she doesn't know?

And I do not think this is neglect at all. Its letting kids take some responsibility for themselves and be independent.

Seabright · 03/08/2009 18:55

I don't know that I'd go so far as to call it neglect. Thoughtlessness, maybe.

Can the children swim? Are they independent-minded children? If yes to both, this may be normal for this family.

Maybe mention your concerns, when you friend is better, if the answer to both the questions is no.

Maybe mention it in a constructive way, offer to help out with her children while she's sick.

pamelat · 03/08/2009 18:57

My DD is only 18 months so I find it hard to see past the constant supervision side of life

I would have thought 10 is fairly grown up but not 7? Although could a 10 year old look after a 7 year old.

Were other adults around and about?

kathyis6incheshigh · 03/08/2009 18:57

I think you're overreacting. A sensible 10 year old should be fine - it's not like they were 3 and 6.

branflake81 · 03/08/2009 19:05

I agree. You're overreacting. To call this neglect is to undermine REAL cases of neglect which are far more serious.

Nancy66 · 03/08/2009 19:09

i don't think you need to do anything - can't see that he did anything wrong. Plenty of 10 year olds are out and about by themselves over the summer holidays and presumably this one was keeping an eye on his younger sibling.

pointydog · 03/08/2009 19:10

Doesn't sound that big a deal. I'm not sure why you were so unhappy with it, apple.

piscesmoon · 03/08/2009 19:18

A lot would depend on whether they were happy about it and whether they had something to do and knew where to find him if they needed him. Without knowing more about it-e.g. whether they could see him, what sort of lake, how many people were about it is impossible to make a judgement.

janeite · 03/08/2009 19:20

I think you're over-reacting tbh. It's not great parenting and I wouldn't do it but it's nothing like neglect.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 03/08/2009 19:22

Three hours is an awfully long time IMO - who has to swim or train for 3 hours? They might be one of those families who think this sort of thing is the norm - not sure it constitutes neglect but it's a miserable way for two young children to spend the afternoon.

I'd be seething if I thought DH had done something like that.

Not sure how you know this happened though - if the DCs told you, surely they'll tell your friend.

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 03/08/2009 19:24

And letting them be independent would be taking them to a park while you run around it, not leaving them in the car near open water.

terramum · 03/08/2009 19:36

I wouldn't have a problem about it assuming he knew they would be sensible not to run off or muck about too much. Normal for children from about 8 yrs to be playing out without much adult supervision round here.

How did the children feel about this? Bored? Sad? Felt abandoned?

MovingOutOfBlighty · 03/08/2009 19:45

Pretty much over reacting I'm afraid. By age 7 I was feral and knew about water safety. But hey, it was the 70s and generally kids were allowed out without having every single thing monitored to the nth degree. Poor sods nowadays, my own dcs included.

This thread makes me afraid at what age I will finally be allowed to let my dcs off to the shops by themselves. Is 8 ok? 9? 12? FGS when!!
I know whatever age I choose there will be someone ready to condemn me for letting them out too early/ too late.

MovingOutOfBlighty · 03/08/2009 19:48

And again, 3 hours is not that long if he is checking every hour. We used to quite happily get booted out and return for meals. Have things changed so very much or are we over paranoid and throw around the, frankly disgraceful, use of neglect too much?

mrsjammi · 03/08/2009 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AppleHEAD · 03/08/2009 20:23

Thanks. I guess I just felt sorry for them, no one was around. It wasn't the water aspect so much as the fact that it is totally deserted and I guess I was concerned someone could have halmed them. I know it's a long shot but I just felt it seemed risky. I agree children need independence and to experience life but I wonder if it was a risk too far. Thanks again it's good to see things from other perspectives - I have just had a baby so not sure all the hormones make me entirely rational.

OP posts:
FlamingoBingo · 03/08/2009 20:25

How do you know he did that?

OurLadyOfPerpetualSupper · 03/08/2009 21:37

Sorry I mis-read - thought you said IN the car, not by it.

Don't think I'd do it, although my DCs have been going to our local shop and park by themselves since 7 or 8 - but not for 3 hours.

But if he was checking them hourly and it's a familiar place to them that's just an example of families doing things differently, not necessarily badly.

Momdeguerre · 03/08/2009 21:48

Does not sound like neglect to me. Can't imagine his kids were thrilled by the prospect of being sat in a car for hours but maybe he left them with stuff to do?

Who knows?!?

Just sounds a bit selfish to me.

SolidGoldBrass · 03/08/2009 21:53

How do you know all this? If you were close enough to see the DC by the lake why didn't you go over and chat to them or play with them or offer to take them for a walk or something?

LynetteScavo · 03/08/2009 22:01

My C's would have a wild time by a lake for 3 hours - i'm presuming there were sticks and trees- they wouldn't have been bored at all.

Swimming in a lake for 3 hours is just odd - or did he get out and run too?

largeginandtonic · 03/08/2009 22:06

I wouldn't do it. Accidents happen in seconds.

How do you know all this though?

Mumcentreplus · 03/08/2009 22:28

Neglect?..ffs ..Unusual...yes maybe...perhaps boring for the kids..but tbh everyone has to wait around sometimes..and kids have imagination I'm sure they would find something to do...Boredom or perceived boredom is not Neglect...(sighs)I need to get some Camomile Tea

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