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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What would you do - possible neglect

64 replies

AppleHEAD · 03/08/2009 18:50

I have a friend who is ill and yesterday her husband took their 2 children out aged 10 and 7. He wanted to train so he took them to a lake where he swims. He left them by the side of the lake by the car (with the keys) for in all about 3 hours. He checked on them each hour but couldn't see them. I am appalled and want to tell her

OP posts:

monkeyfeathers · 04/08/2009 11:02

I'd also say that this is a massive over-reaction. It saddens me that so many people insist that 10 year olds (and 7 year olds) need to be watched and entertained constantly.

I had a similar childhood to cancantan and would dearly love my DS to be able to do the same. However, no one round here seems to want to let their kids out of their garden/house, so the best he gets is riding his bike on his own. I feel bad for him - 'adventures' are much less fun on your own.

Stayingsunnygirl · 04/08/2009 11:04

10 and 7 is old enough to be expected to behave sensibly as long as both children are staying calm - but there's the problem, in my opinion. These children are still plenty young enough to get carried away either with a daft game or in the heat of a row, and for one or other to run off and get lost or fall in the lake.

And on a practical note, leaving them with the carkeys would seem pretty daft to me too - they are definitely both young enough to lose them or to leave the car unlocked and risk it being nicked. The carkeys are literally the key to a very valuable piece of kit, and it doesn't seem fair to make them responsible for that.

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 11:06

it's neglect for 7-10 year olds to play outside and only be checked on once an hour?

I'd better turn myself in to the authorities forthwith

Morloth · 04/08/2009 11:07

We were not even allowed in the house without a very good reason from about 5 years old. I spent most of my childhood running wild and unsupervised - sometimes even around water! It was great fun and I can face pretty much anything now as an adult.

They might have been a bit bored, but being bored is not the same as being neglected.

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 11:16

how could any child be bored outside though, especially by a lake and with the keys to a joyridemobile?

I wonder if they bombed around the lake in the car when their dad wasn't looking? I probably would have done but my brothers taught me to drive at the age of 11

Morloth · 04/08/2009 11:39

That's true Mitchy, presumably there were sticks about. What more could a child need but a lake and some sticks?!

We had 4 wheelers, rode one into the pool once. Got in trouble for THAT let me tell you.

kathyis6incheshigh · 04/08/2009 11:45

A lot depends on the lake really. It could be a quarry with steep sides where falling in means likely death even if the child can swim. Or it could have gently sloping beaches where even a non-swimmer would have to try very hard to drown.

katiestar · 04/08/2009 11:46

Depends .i don't think I have enough information to come to a decision.Were they allowed to go in the lake / swim in the lake/what else was about for them to do.Were they playing 'actively' of playing on their DSs .Did they have a mobile phone.
I think its one thing playing somewhere they know ,within striking distance of home.Completely different to be in an area they don't know and nowhere to go for help if need be.
A couple of generations back a 7 yr old girl cousin of my grandma drowned.She had been for a picnic by a pond with her older siblings.they set off for home She went back on her own for a cardigan she'd left and that was the last time she was seen alive.She drowned inexplicably in pretty shallow water.

NotanOtter · 04/08/2009 11:58

imo they have not been left to their own devices to develop free play and expand their imaginations

from the ops limited info i would guess the children have been told to stay put

that ime leads to ratty bickering,boredom and arguing which are not a good cocktail

Beginning to think my 'benign neglect' to be not so 'neglectful' afterall as people think this incident ok

MitchyInge · 04/08/2009 12:15

yes but some of us are just contrary and will disagree on principle

purepurple · 04/08/2009 13:07

By the age of 10 I had been playing out on my own for several years. We used to go to the river and I had my younger siblings with me.
We only went home when we were hungry.
I remember at that age we used to call on the neighbours with babies/toddlers and offer to take them out for a while.
And they used to let us.
What I'm saying is that 10 year olds should be capable and responsible.

franklymydear · 04/08/2009 13:13

sounds great to me - far better than plugging them into a computer, tv or leaving them with a bunch of plastic toys

good parenting that man - strong independent imaginative children being made

franklymydear · 04/08/2009 13:16

"He left them by the side of the lake by the car (with the keys) for in all about 3 hours. He checked on them each hour but couldn't see them."

I read this as he parked the car by the lake, took the kids out of the car and left them to play leaving them the keys if they wanted to sit in the car - not that he left them in the car for 3 hours

I wonder what really happened - how far from the car were they allowed to roam?

KTNoo · 04/08/2009 13:33

You have to assume he knew his own children, i.e. whether they would stick to stipulated rules (e.g. not driving car!) or not. I know pretty much 100% that my dcs can be left alone to play with some boundaries about where they are not allowed etc.

I prefer the attitude of making sure they learn to swim well from a very young age than keeping them away from water.

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