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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To meet an old friend we all fell out with?

28 replies

chosenone · 03/08/2009 14:33

Im probably going to sound about 14 here but it is a tricky situation and am not sure whether I am BU? My friendship group ( mainly female) fell out with one of the other girls about 2 years ago! There was a disagreement over something pretty major and 2 of my friends had it out with her and felt they were then lied to! The rest of us kept out of it, the next thing we knew said girl disspeared to live wth her partner elsewhere and we lost touch/didn't speak! I sent a text about 2 months after the event and was told she'd moved on and she was happier without us, fair enough! Years later we got in touch through facebook and got on quite well catching up on kids, partners etc and it was fine. However my friendship group is not happy and although the word traitor hasn't been used, its what they're thinking. I had actually thought about meeting her for a catch up but the others are seriously not happy about this! DH thinks its fine as I was friends with this girl since school, some of the freinds are more bothererd than others! am I a traitor? am i BU? Is it taking things one step too far after all this time?

OP posts:

MamaLazarou · 03/08/2009 14:35

Can I ask what the friends originally fell out over?

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 03/08/2009 14:36

I think your friends need to grow up to be honest, you are free to contact whom ever you please. It's your life, if they can't accept this then they are not the friends you think they are.

Original poster

chosenone · 03/08/2009 14:38

They fell out over a man basically! It was a case of stop flirting with the man I fancy, then the man said he'd slept with the girl! The hurt party felt that she'd been hurt too many times by the girl as something similar happened a few years before this!

OP posts:

HecatesTwopenceworth · 03/08/2009 14:42

are they 12? Be different if she was flirting with someone in a relationship with one of them! But flirting with someone that someone else also liked but was a free agent? They need to grow up. The hurt party I mean. They had no claim on this man did they? Maybe he just didn't like them!

You can't sleep with my friend because I like you.

you can't 'claim' someone!

Pathetic, imo.

Mumcentreplus · 03/08/2009 14:44

explain more..at the moment your friends sound like they need to grow up..

tallulahbelly · 03/08/2009 14:48

They're trying to control you just like they tried to control her.

Be friends with her if you want.

They'll probably freeze you out but they aren't worth keeping in with.

If it's not this they'll exclude you sooner or later for some other sin.

heliotrope · 03/08/2009 15:21

Yup they all sound about 14!
You should meet her if you get on well and want to keep in touch. Sounds like the two of you have grown up more than the others... Unless you really feel strongly about the original issue, so strongly that you feel some kind of loyalty to the ones that originally got in the argument.

Firawla · 03/08/2009 17:31

its none of their business who you see, and the whole thing sounds quite immature. you don't need your friends permission for anything, you can do what you want!

Swedes · 03/08/2009 17:37

You need to decide whether you want to be friends with the Heathers or the girl that the Heathers fell out with. High school will be kinda hard if you fall out with the Heathers, I guess.

OrmIrian · 03/08/2009 17:39

Oh good lord! May I suggest you dump the lot? It sounds too much like hard work.

RealityIsHavingAPartay · 03/08/2009 17:46

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squeaver · 03/08/2009 17:49

You're right, it does sound like you're all 14.

BeckynSteve · 03/08/2009 17:57

Nice reference Swedes!

Chosenone - I reckon you might as well go meet up with her. You don't actaully have to tell everyone about it anyway, do you!? besides, you might meet up with her and find that you don't want to hang out much anymore anyway...

sleeplessinstretford · 03/08/2009 19:58

i had a couple of friends who fell out because one friend slept with someone that another friend had also slept with-the guy was actually a friend of mine and neither of them wanted to go out with him-first friend slept with him then a year or so later another one did-then the first said the second was a tramp for doing it.
for some reason i went along with this (cutting the second friend out altogether as it was easier) i've since apologised to friend number 2 as she's the one who causes me less problems and is most 'normal' fuck the gang off and do what you want.

mrsjammi · 03/08/2009 20:02

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JRocks · 03/08/2009 20:11

It's not up to other people to choose your friends for you!

I actually had something similar happen at school, but given that it was over 15 years ago, I am now quite friendly with the girl who everyone fell out with. Seemed a bit childish to judge someone on what they did as a teenager.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 20:15

You can be friends with whoever you want.

You don't need anyones permission.

Original poster

chosenone · 03/08/2009 20:34

wow, interesting responses! two of my group feel quite hurt that I would want to get back in contact with her and the others aren't that bothererd but seem surprised! maybe its because we've been friends for sooo long that we still have the same sort of hierarchy and pack mentality we did have at school! One friend is so much happier now we don't see the outsted one as she felt 'bullied' by her! I never knew this until recently. Its difficult rocking the boat but I do want to see the friend and feel guilty at how much I've missed in her life. Appreciate the Heathers reference!

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 03/08/2009 20:38

I don't mean to be rude, but some of the other threads are running out of exclamation marks...could we borrow some of yours?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 03/08/2009 20:40

have 2 separate friends groups

you don't have to see everyone you know at the same time

Tinfoil · 04/08/2009 04:15

Can't anyone agree to disagree, within the friendship group? Why should everyone have to have exactly the same opinions or relationships with other friends?

DandyLioness · 04/08/2009 10:43

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DandyLioness · 04/08/2009 10:50

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Original poster

chosenone · 04/08/2009 15:43

I always over use !!!! always have always will!!!! my ousted friend would understand!

OP posts:

Original poster

chosenone · 04/08/2009 15:47

plus its very probable she had a shag rather than a flirt, she has 'got off' with men other people were just about to many times, she's quite bewitching? seductive? however, my friends feel she's sneaky and manipulative and im very naive apparently!

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