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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family holiday rant - but I really think this is unreasonable...

45 replies

littlepollyflinders · 02/08/2009 21:06

Just got back from family holiday with dp's family.
As they are scattered far and wide family holidays happen every two years.

Dp's sister has new fiance. Ok I could take the 'we're from different worlds and therefore he won't see what I see' thing (but lunching at MacDonalds in France??)
And the horribly controlling effect he has on her and that nasty turning her against her family that controlling (insecure) men do. It's her choice and not my place to interfere.

BUT - we all met for dinner in the evening and did a everyone pays for a whole meal thus all evening out by the end of the week thing that has always worked in the past. When it was their turn to pay they panicked about the cost of the wine - visibly shuddered when we got on to the third bottle (7 adults so not a huge amount) and wouldn't order any desserts.
The next night dp was paying and we chose the restaurant at which 'not quite' SIL orders lobster salad for starters, a whole fish between the two of them and then desserts.

That's what pissed me off.
Pretty sure IANBU...

OP posts:
Portofino · 02/08/2009 21:13

Though presumably everyone ordered what they wanted previously? And they went without dessert - not you, when they were worried about the cost? So they've dined like kings at the expense of everyone else, but as far as I can tell they still picked up the tab when it was there turn. I think YABU - but i might feel the same in similar circumstances...

Portofino · 02/08/2009 21:14

THEIR turn...

juicyjolly · 02/08/2009 21:31

Maybe they dont have the same amount of money to waste on wine that you do.

dizzydixies · 02/08/2009 21:34

its obviously not working anymore then

either stop going/split it up equally or everyone pays for their own

MsHighwater · 02/08/2009 21:34

Did they not order desserts for themselves or did they refuse to order desserts for anyone?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/08/2009 21:37

I can see where you are coming from but perhaps they don't have a lot of money?

RealityIsHavingAPartay · 02/08/2009 21:41

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Paolosgirl · 02/08/2009 21:42

Did you explain the 'rules' to them in advance of the holiday?

lockets · 02/08/2009 21:42

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lockets · 02/08/2009 21:42

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Original poster
littlepollyflinders · 02/08/2009 21:45

No one had desserts on their night.
It's not a how much they have money thing - it's a meanness thing.
Dp full of stories of his sister's careful approach to spending - until it comes to their wedding which is frankly going to be the most absurd affair you can imagine.
(let's not go there...)

OP posts:
Paolosgirl · 02/08/2009 21:58

Did they know they were to pay for a whole meal in advance, though? If they weren't sure of the rules...

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/08/2009 22:01

Nothing wrong with being careful with money.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 02/08/2009 22:03

I think it's rude to make a fuss on their turn then order the most expensive things when it's not. TBH if I were in that situation I would ask that we each contribute each time then DH and I would limit our spending every time - but then we are genuinely skint as opposed to mean.

cat64 · 02/08/2009 22:07

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juicyjolly · 02/08/2009 22:08

I agree with lockets. To much watching of each other if you ask me.
Why the hell dont you all just pay for your own bloody meal.

saggyhairyarse · 02/08/2009 22:11

I would hate that though, people that are miserly with others but order the expensive items on the menu when someone else is paying are nothing more than scabs!

Either you all need to agree to pay seperately or you all put in an agree amount at the beginning of the holiday and budget accordingly.

juicyjolly · 02/08/2009 22:16

Maybe they felt entitled in ordering lobster seeing that others were obviously ordering plenty of booze the night before.

Original poster
littlepollyflinders · 02/08/2009 23:50

There were 7 adults - we had three bottles every night...

OP posts:
5Foot5 · 03/08/2009 11:12

Three bottles between 7 adults is fairly moderate on a holiday in France...

I can see why you were annoyed but as others have mentioned - are you sure they understand the "rules" beforehand?

We have holidayed with PILs quite a bit and we always take the kitty approach for everything. Works fine for us.

nickelbabe · 03/08/2009 11:20

you would be unreasonable if they had chosen frugally for everyone's meal - if they've not got much money, they should have asked not to participate.
it was rude of them to order the expensive stuff if they couldn't afford/agree to match it on their turn.

i always refuse to do a "split the meal equally" system because i can't afford to do it (plus i'm veggie and don't drinka lot a meal other than water so my share always a lot cheaper than the average)

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 03/08/2009 11:23

Well we don't have much cash so we couldn't have afforded wine /desserts fore veryone but 9and this is a huge but) we would have not ordered them on anyone elses tab either. Therein lies the YANBU I think.

I know for sure when we'd explained my family would have said don't be so silly and bought us puds etc, but we wouldn't ever have just expected, it's not right.

But lunch wherever you want when on holiday and you're choosing is OK.

delilahbelle · 03/08/2009 11:26

Don't think YABU to feel a little put out - but there is nothing you can do about it now and saying anything would only cause bad feeling.

Make a mental note that next time you work out some other way to split the bill - and try and not let it get to you.

alypaly · 03/08/2009 11:33

we know people like that who in a pub order a gin and tonic when we pay and then when DP asks for a pint on thgeir round..ooops the bring back a half with a comment ...oh i thought u said a half hah ha ha tight buggers....learnt not to go out with scroungers anymore. Best way is to get teh round or the meal and split it how ever many ways but not down to individual meals cos that is so naff

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/08/2009 11:48

I hate it when people look down on paying for what you ordered (sorry alypaly, you may think it's naff but that's unfair). If I go out for a meal with friends I physically can't budget 25-30 quid as some of them can, so to avoid embarassment I ask to pay for what I had (more or less, not down to the penny and I always chuck in a bit extra, whatever I can afford) so I can budget as I am ordering. If that's 'naff' maybe I should never go out for dinner then?