Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Family holiday rant - but I really think this is unreasonable...

45 replies

littlepollyflinders · 02/08/2009 21:06

Just got back from family holiday with dp's family.
As they are scattered far and wide family holidays happen every two years.

Dp's sister has new fiance. Ok I could take the 'we're from different worlds and therefore he won't see what I see' thing (but lunching at MacDonalds in France??)
And the horribly controlling effect he has on her and that nasty turning her against her family that controlling (insecure) men do. It's her choice and not my place to interfere.

BUT - we all met for dinner in the evening and did a everyone pays for a whole meal thus all evening out by the end of the week thing that has always worked in the past. When it was their turn to pay they panicked about the cost of the wine - visibly shuddered when we got on to the third bottle (7 adults so not a huge amount) and wouldn't order any desserts.
The next night dp was paying and we chose the restaurant at which 'not quite' SIL orders lobster salad for starters, a whole fish between the two of them and then desserts.

That's what pissed me off.
Pretty sure IANBU...

OP posts:

oldraver · 03/08/2009 11:51

alyplay... are you not tempted to order them just a tonic with an "oops, theought thats what you wanted"

alypaly · 03/08/2009 11:58

I am not well off, i dont have a job at the mo and i am a single mum...so i have to budget really hard. I think it depends on your age group.... i think its fine if like my son he is at uni and the just do it individually but i have been out for meals when lots of people want to look at the bill and they literally sit there with a calculator to add up their bit( sorry no offence meant kat2907)AND THEN THEY WONT CHIP IN FOR THE TIP...it has spoilt so many meals out....if they are really good friends it all seems to even itself out over a period of time....its when people get really nit picky about the odd drink that i find wearisome.I couldnt drink any alcohol 3 years ago cos i had an infection in my pancreas but just chipped in with the bill....will make up for it some time.

oldraver · 03/08/2009 12:04

My Mum had a friend who she realised was picking up the tip SHE had left. She refused to go on holiday to the US with them as she knew she would never drag them away from the ALL YOU CAN EAT, buffets as they would take it literally and they would refuse to leave a tip

alypaly · 03/08/2009 12:14

oldraver
good idea.
Dont buy them drinks anymore,once bitten....

lizziemun · 03/08/2009 12:59

YANBU.

Although they probaly don't realise that everyone else worked out what they were doing. Did no one comment on what they did.

I would say don't go away with them again or get them to pay for their own meals when away.

I had this a month ago me and some (4) freinds went out to dinner and one complained that i had order from the 'menu' and not the 'special' so my meal was more expensive then theirs. But she had completely forgoten that they had 2 bottles of wine (and she had an extra glass) between 3 of them, they all had starters, i didn't and i only had one soft drink so infact my dinner was cheaper then hers but i still paid a 5th of the bill without complaint.

I think some people always have to complain abour something as they always think they are being hard done by.

Sarraburd · 03/08/2009 13:43

YANBU - lobster???!!!! That's taking the p1ss! I would never order the most expensive thing on the menu if I'm not paying, that's just rude.

The whole point as I understand it is that it's a way of working out the bill to be roughly the same for everyone, without having to go into dividing everything up, so this kind of behaviour is against the (implicit?) rules and screwing up the system.

Mind you, if his idea of a meal out in France is Macdonalds and she likes lobster, poor thing was probably desperate to live it up for a change

Best all round though for sake of family harmony and happy holidays to forget about it really and just make sure the rules are outlined again clearly next time.

Sarraburd · 03/08/2009 13:46

And three bottles of wine between 7, on holiday, in France, completely reasonable too in my book...

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 03/08/2009 14:42

Well no, alypaly, I don't do that! I work out roughly what mine will cost when I order, factor in a bit extra for mistakes, and chip in for the tip! That way I can eat out for about 15 quid. I have friends who will order several cocktails, starter, dessert etc, their share could be 40+, I just can't afford to carry that share on me, but luckily my friends know that!

alypaly · 03/08/2009 15:06

kat2907 I think thats fine (i think working it out roughly is great but when some people get down almost to the pence that is what annoys me... i used to do the same as you years ago as i was not really a drinker or a dessert person , but i was made to feel a bit small and it really upset me as i have always had to be careful with money and still do. I think now my boys have gone to school and the parents at the school are very rich I have had to change or not go out.

alypaly · 03/08/2009 15:07

I still go halves with my boyfriend as we dont live together and i am not exactly young

simplesusan · 03/08/2009 15:16

Always difficult.

I feel like this when we go out with a certain group of friends and they buy drinks in rounds. Their wives drink either pints or double spirits at a rate at which I cannot/do not want to drink.
I often point this out to dh that I am refusing far more drinks than he is buying for others but he just shrugs.

Only advice is to either grit your teeth and bear it or let them pay for what they eat.

GirlsAreLoud · 03/08/2009 15:16

Why didn't you say something if you weren't prepared to pay for it.

They weren't prepared to pay for more wine/dessert and said so.

You didn't.

I'm not saying I think they were right to do it, but I guess his logic is if you didn't like it you should have spoken up, just like he did.

P.S why did you go on holiday with two people you seem to dislike so much?

Tidey · 03/08/2009 15:22

Whenever I got out with my friends, we all pay for what we've had, we don't do the 'splitting the bill between the number of people' thing. There has never been any awkwardness about it, it's just what we've always done.

Having said that, it would piss me off if I was on a family holiday and that was the way things were done, if certain people deliberately ordered more when they weren't paying and made others go without when they were. So YANBU.

Zalen · 03/08/2009 17:43

Suggestion for next time if the scrounging gits DP's sister and Partner are still there.

Add a new twist to the paying for a meal thing, and draw a name out of the hat at the end of the meal, with any luck they get pulled out late in the holiday so they won't dare do the order the most expensive items when their not paying bit and can't clamp down on other peoples drinking and dessert ordering.

curiositykilled · 03/08/2009 17:53

YABU - If you have that arrangement you have to expect that some people might take advantage. If you don't want this to happen why don't you do a everyone gets a turn of picking the restaurant but we all pay for what we've had?

Mumcentreplus · 03/08/2009 18:20

YABa tadU..mainly because you agreed to it, but I understand your point they are USERS..you have to get used to it and not let it bother you or not allow yourself to be used..my sister and her DH are like this..it used to piss me right off but now I just either pay and not compare or we buy our own drinks/food..unfortunately my DH is naturally very generous so I have to keep giving him the eye because he forgets himself and starts offering

Mumcentreplus · 03/08/2009 18:23

curiosity they are family..she may not have expected them to take advantage

mumoverseas · 03/08/2009 18:34

I'm sorry but I don't understand your comment about McDonalds. What is wrong with it? We've just come back to France and have to say McD was one of the best and cheapest meals

curiositykilled · 03/08/2009 18:36

mumcentreplus That was poorly phrased, I didn't necessarily mean she should've expected that family would deliberately take advantage. More just that having that arrangement allows people to either take advantage or 'budget' in their own ways - and you can't complain about it.

You just can't have that arrangement if you aren't going to allow people to do something like this. They might have only had a limited amount for the whole holiday and been consciously trying to reduce their outgoings and too embarrassed to say. Who knows? Either way - if you have the arrangement the OP had you can't complain about what people do or don't order unless you set boundaries beforehand.

Mumcentreplus · 03/08/2009 18:57

very true curiosity..thats why I said she was a little unreasonable..but they entered into the agreement too..so I would be pissed if they refused to buy desserts or whinged when they were paying and then happily brought them when i was paying..

if they couldn't pay or had a tight budget then they should'nt have entered into the agreement either!

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread