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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So, is it reasonable to expect your dog to be allowed into a friend's house?

77 replies

HerBeatitude · 28/07/2009 12:11

Am I being unreasonable not to let my friend's dog in? I have a 100ft garden where he can go and play while she visits and he gets water out there, I won't let him in because he smells and he makes little footprints all over the floor and I can't be arsed to clean them up. She feels hard done by and thinks I should just put up with him.

Who is an unreasonable prima donna, her or me?

OP posts:
Qally · 28/07/2009 12:26

YANBU. I love my dog to bits, but this is your house. No way should you have to have someone else's dog in your home if you don't want to. They chose to get a dog. You didn't.

Original poster
HerBeatitude · 28/07/2009 12:26

Her argument is that the poor dog can't be left alone in her house all day, if she is coming for the day.

Which I do get, a dog is like a child in that sense, you can't leave them alone all the time and it does seem silly that she can't bring him with her adn go for a walk with him while we chat, but I just don't see why he should come in the house.

Am glad the consensus is that I'm not being unreasonable, she's so vociferous about it that I sometimes wonder if I'm wrong on this one...

OP posts:
wasabipeas · 28/07/2009 12:26

"I would not let someone else's dog in my house. It's their choice to have a dog, not mine"

An ex-colleague of mine used the same logic for why I couldn't bring DD into their house when she was 6 months old...

CyradisTheSeer · 28/07/2009 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Qally · 28/07/2009 12:31

Hmm, well if she is coming for the day and there's nobody to let the pooch out/give it a run in her absence, I can see her point a bit more - I wouldn't leave my dog outside all day either, tbh, whatever the weather, unless it had somewhere to curl up and sleep. They're not usually outdoor animals in this day and age. And if it's bucketing down, no way. Though I'd leave her in a car without a problem in cool weather, with her bed and some water, and as you say you can go for walks together.

mayorquimby · 28/07/2009 12:31

well that's fair enough also.it's their house after all.
you should be thankfull you found out what kind of person they are so you can then decide not to associate with them further.

flowerybeanbag · 28/07/2009 12:32

It wouldn't occur to me to bring my dog to a friend's house in the first place tbh. If we can't get to a friend's house, stay a while and get back within a reasonable amount of time to leave the dog, we get a dog sitter. We only bring him to houses of family, where we go overnight or longer anyway.

MmeLindt · 28/07/2009 12:33

How far away does she live and what kind of dog is it?

I can leave my dog for around 5 hours. I can see her point about not leaving it alone all day.

ZippysMum · 28/07/2009 12:34

YANBU.

We would never inflict our two (gorgeous) greyhounds on anyone else.

Mind you... boots might be worth it for the entertainment value. Poor Daisy

Qally · 28/07/2009 12:34

Not saying you should have the dog in your house, btw - you shouldn't - just that I can see why she might feel unable to come over all day. Odd she can't just arrange for someone to pop in and see the dog is okay, and let it stretch its legs/empty its bladder, though.

Original poster
HerBeatitude · 28/07/2009 12:34

Yes that's it Qally I do feel guilty when it's raining. The problem is, when it's raining the dog wants to go out, then in, then out, then in... etc. etc. Which is intolerable!!!!! (Call me intolerant)_

OP posts:
CyradisTheSeer · 28/07/2009 12:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TsarChasm · 28/07/2009 12:37

Yanbu at all. Not one bit. I probably wouldn't even want it in the garden either!

But aren't you worried if she's coming for the day she'll keep whinging on about poor old pooch outside and make you feel you should let it in?

It'd certainly put a crimp in the visit for me.

Qally · 28/07/2009 12:37

You aren't intolerant, it isn't your responsibility.

A dog is a tie. You have to make arrangements when you want to go away, you can't just spend all day away without considering what happens with the dog, they cost a lot and need a lot of attention. That's the price for the pleasure. But you can't go around expecting other people to pay that price for you, IMO. Her dog, her responsibility to make alternative arrangements. And usually when it's raining it's cool, so that's when a comfy rug in a car is a blessing!

stealthsquiggle · 28/07/2009 12:37

OP - I'm with you. PIL bring their dog, once we said they could, and he stays in car (with window open) when not in the garden. If it was midwinter I would let him into the garden room (think conservatory crossed with utility room) but no further.

TrillianAstra · 28/07/2009 12:37

People do have dogs and work, dogs are fine to be left for the day. Is this 'taking dogs everywere' a recent thing? When I was younger loads of my parents' friends and family had dogs but none of them would ever bring them with them.

If she brought it uninvited she should be grateful that you're not asking 'what the hell is that doing here?'. Offering your lovely long garden to play in is more than enough.

IbblyDranus · 28/07/2009 12:39

I thought YANBU until I got to the bit about her being at your house all day - does she have to come for the entire day because of the distance involved or something?

Obviously for a couple of hours the dog should be fine at home or in your garden. I wouldn't want my dog stuck outside all day either in this weather though, unless he had a shady kennel to retreat to.

Original poster
HerBeatitude · 28/07/2009 12:43

She doesn't really, she lives about 30 miles away, so an hour's drive if the traffic's bad. But she sometimes comes for the day because her DD lives near me and she hits 2 birds with one stone as it were -sees me and her DD. She's managed to bully her Son-In-Law to accept having the dog in their house (Her DD doesn't mind, SIL did but has kind of resigned himself to it) and keeps up a constant campaign to wear down my resistance too...

(Her DIL won't put up with it at all, she's given up trying to wear her down, knows that MIL/DIL politics won't permit of that, but with me it's different.)

OP posts:
Stannie · 28/07/2009 12:48

YANBU I don't think as you have compromised - some people wouldn't even like their gardens "dirtied" by a dog.

We have three well behaved big dogs and much as we love them would never inflict them on someone else if they were not happy about them coming with us to visit - and we certainly wouldn't let them make a muddy mess in someone elses house.

I don't take them to homes where they are going to be unwelcome for whatever reason and would expect the same courtesy. E.G I have one friend who only visits me when her 2 DC's are either at school etc as they terrorise my dogs/chickens/horses which I loathe..

If she is coming for an all day visit can she not make provision for the dog (our neighbours let ours out during the day if we are gone for a long period) and in the winter/not hot weather they come with us and simply sleep in the car.

MmeLindt · 28/07/2009 12:52

I suppose leaving her dog at her DDs would be out of the question if her SIL is against the dog?

Is it a big dog?

duchesse · 28/07/2009 12:54

Not unreasonable at all. I speak as a dog owner, but would never inflict him on someone else's house unless they expressly asked him in. If we take him to someone's house he stays in the garden on a long rope to prevent escapes. If she knew you weren't that keen on him, she should have left him at home. She is BU.

jumpyjan · 28/07/2009 12:56

YANBU my MIL insists on bringing her dog with her when she comes over and it really annoys me. Its not properly house trained and has pooed and weed on the floor a few times. It also leaves dog hair everywhere which I really dont like.

Its your house - if you don't want a dog in it I do not think it is unreasonable.

katiestar · 28/07/2009 12:57

YANBU I wouldn't want a hairy smelly mutt in my house (except for DH)

gagamama · 28/07/2009 12:58

YANBU. As a dog owner, I wouldn't dream of taking my dog to someone's house uninvited. There are perhaps 4 friends where I know my dog would be absolutely welcome to come inside without having to ask, but I would still check first and offer to tie him up in the garden! Mostly if I visit someone whilst walking the dog I'll just stand outside the door and chat.

Our neighbours have a crazy boxer that given half a chance will dart into our house and run around in circles in our living room, knocking over children and furniture and treading dirt into the carpet. Infuriating. Neighbours just think it's funny.

cjones2979 · 28/07/2009 13:03

YANBU.

I am a dog owner, but would never expect to take him to a friends house, whether they have dogs themselves or not.

I would find it really kind if a friend offered for me to bring the dog, and would not be in the slightest bit offended if she said he had to stay in the garden as she didn't want him in the house. But tbh I probably wouldn't take him anyway.

Your friend is being completely unreasonable to expect to bring her dog with her, let alone expecting you to allow him into your house !!!

Stick to your guns.