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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in not allowing MIL to give my baby arnica?

62 replies

iamaLeafontheWind · 26/07/2009 22:03

She's a lovely MIL, but I don't eally believe in all the alternative stuff. DD is only 11 months & had bumped her head, MIL was very insistant about giving her some arnica. Both me & DH had to be quite firm about it & I think we hurt her feelings. AIBU? or overly PFB?

OP posts:
Qally · 27/07/2009 00:10

I'd never argue over homeopathy. Not worth it IMO - it either works via the placebo effect, so what harm can it do? Or it works as homeopathy, in which case, what harm can it do? Or it flat out doesn't work at all, and is totally harmless. No reason to fight with a family member over that. Hell, I didn't argue with a vet over it, because she was a brilliant conventional practitioner and that was what I cared about. She believed in them, and animals believed in her. Good enough for me.

Herbal remedies, though, I'd exercise real caution over. I mean, they presumably have active ingredients. I'd want to know the whys and wherefores, myself, before anyone administered them to my kids.

trellism · 27/07/2009 00:33

But if it doesn't get into your bloodstream, or penetrate the skin, how does it clear up a bruise which, after all, is bleeding under the skin?

Hmm. I'm going to wait till I have two bruises and then test it.

I have the memory of Arnica... at least, that's what she said she was called. What a summer...

mrshippy · 27/07/2009 00:44

Regardless of wether or not it works/is/isn't safe, you aren't comfortable with the idea and the buck stops with you. It's a good opportunity to set a precident for that kind of thing too. YANBU.

edam · 27/07/2009 08:28

Trellism

TheBolter · 27/07/2009 08:33

YABU, and a little PFB I'm afraid. Your MIL was trying to help your child.

I took arnica tablets after major surgery that left a lot of bruising. The surgeon was amazed at how quickly the bruising cleared up.

lowenergylightbulb · 27/07/2009 08:56

Yes, I'd be amazed if some tablets containing no active ingredient made something better.

SarfEast · 27/07/2009 09:36

When my LO had a cough at 9 months my mum suggested honey to soothe her throat, and failing that jam. JAM!

You just have to do what you think is right and what you are happy with...

gemmiegoatlegs · 27/07/2009 09:41

I'm sure it works just as well as the nearest placebo

Longtalljosie · 27/07/2009 09:42

As far as homeopathy goes, I'm with Mitchell and Webb

belgo · 27/07/2009 09:42

I think sometimes if we listened to our mils we might actually learn something. Arnica has very good healing properties, and honey is very good for sore throats (but is not supposed to be given to children under the age of one due to the incredibly small risk of botulism).

mrz · 27/07/2009 09:46

You are probably doing more harm if you give your child Calpol than giving them Arnica to be honest but everyone has the right to follow their own feelings about alternative remedies (they've been around much longer than the mega rich pharmaceutical companies)

belgo · 27/07/2009 09:50

MRZ - totally agree- Yes every parent has the right to follow their own feelings, but at the expense of hurting someone else's feelings especially when that person is a caring grandmother who is actually giving quite good advice.

Very good point about modern medicines possibly being more harmful.

belgo · 27/07/2009 09:51

That should have been:

'but NOT at the expense of hurting someone else's feelings especially when that person is a caring grandmother who is actually giving quite good advice.

seeker · 27/07/2009 09:58

"Wouldn't even consider giving it to a child - Calpol is a cure all for kids"

So you'd rather use paracetamol as a placebo than a sugar pill?

Sorry - but I do think that's bizarre!

belgo · 27/07/2009 10:01

it is bizarre, and whoever posted that could do with looking up the long term side effects of regular paracetamol use.

Longtalljosie · 27/07/2009 10:05

mrz - a lot of alternative therapies are manufactured by pharma companies as well. They have both ends sewn up...

pointydog · 27/07/2009 10:09

It might be worth finding out a bit about the alternative stuff so you can support your opinion with a fact or two rather than coming across to your mil as irrationally negative.

Arnica cream won't do any harm at all on a bruise.

As others have said, there's a big different between herbalism and homeopathy.

I agree that if you feel strongly about the cream, then you should be able to say you don't want it for your baby but at times it will be frustrating for others who love your baby too and cannot understand your reasoning.

seeker · 27/07/2009 10:14

Was it the cream or a pill?

If it was the cream, what were your reasons for not wanting it?

num1mum · 27/07/2009 10:14

you are the mum and ur decision is final.People will always give advice and share their tips with u,its only natural.I use arnica and used it after birth too.I swear it helped me heal quicker.I understand how u feel when people are too insistant with loving caring OTT advice tho..my mother just cant help herself.Its the way they come across as thinking they always know better,when in some cases it just isnt true.being a mum is all about a learning curve and thats why this website is fab,coz u can get different points of view n then come to your own conclusions on stuff.Im a nanny and mum.i always ask employers what they think before i make my suggestions.

WidowWadman · 27/07/2009 10:17

Belgo - I wouldn't dream of giving anything to my child just not to hurt my mother-in-law's or anyone else's feelings. It's an absolutely ridiculous idea to think administering medication, bogus or not, is ok, just to keep someone else happy.

I wouldn't give paracetamol in that case either though.

A kiss to make it better and a cold compress should be plenty enough.

There are some injuries and illnesses which simply can't be treated pharmaceutically. I would think it's not a good idea to teach your child that a pill or a cream is the answer to everything. And that's what I find so annoying about the alternative treatment industry - they mimick proper medicine by selling all these potions and pillules, and are much less inclined to let things heal by themselves and then have the cheekiness to accuse the 'big pharma' to just be about sales.

kathyis6incheshigh · 27/07/2009 10:17

Arnica cream is not always herbal, sometimes it is homeopathic, eg here

belgo · 27/07/2009 10:31

I would not call putting arnica cream on a bruise administering medicine. At worst it would have done nothing at all, at best it would have helped the bruise. Was it really worth upsetting your mil over?

WidowWadman · 27/07/2009 10:39

Why is putting on a cream not administering medicine? Just because something is not taken orally it doesn't make it any less of a treatment. Would you equally happily slap , say, a steroid creme, onto your child, because your MIL thinks it's the bees knees for a skin complaint?

purlease · 27/07/2009 10:45

seeker, the smiley face after the comment was to suggest my comment was tongue in cheek - obviously didn't work. As I also mentioned my solution would be kisses and cold compress - not medicine (homeopathic or otherwise).

seeker · 27/07/2009 10:47

But homeopathic arnica cream has absolutely no active ingredients at all - it just lubricates the rubbing of a bump! I honestly don't think its worth falling out with a loving granny over a bit of hand cream!

I'm still waiting for whoever it was said that calpol was a safer placebo than acnica pills to come and explain what she really meant.