Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've taken day holiday to look after sick kids, he is having a long boozy lunch...

42 replies

seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 17:03

Am livid.
Ds2 (18mo) has swine flu and is grumpy, ds2 (4) is grumpy and teary and I expect he's going to have it too. We all stayed at home yesterday (first day of illness) but advice was that if we had no symptoms then we could go out. I said I would take a days holiday and look after the kids so that 'd'h could go to a meeting in London. Called him at 3, he could barely speak and told me he was having a liquid lunch 'networking' after the meeting. He didn't understand why I was so peed off and why I wanted to know what time he was planning on heading home - we live about 3hrs away from London...
I could scream I am so livid. That means he won't be around to help with bedtime. Won't be any comany this evening and will be no use tomoorrow morning. And in this time either me, him or Ds1 could get really ill - yip!
Just makes me mad that he doesn't think this is an issue.
Feel free to give his point of view, I feel like a whingey nagging harridan which just makes me more angry...

OP posts:
bigchris · 24/07/2009 17:07

tomorrow you should go out for a boozy lunch with some mates

if this is a one off i wouldnt mind but make lots of noise in the morning if he is hungover

hercules1 · 24/07/2009 17:08

Yanbu.

poshtottie · 24/07/2009 17:08

Have the locks changed

stuffitlllama · 24/07/2009 17:09

long business lunch yabu

getting drunk yanbu

TheCrackFox · 24/07/2009 17:17

That would piss me off actually. Go out tomorrow at 9am and leave him and the DCs to it.

Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 17:17

Thanks
Yep Stuffit its the getting really drunk and writing off this evening/tomorrow morning that is really peeing me off.
Tottie - yep, tempting but this is what really changes once you have kids isn't it... you can't lock them out because you need them to help/kids miss them... can't scream and shout at them because we live in a tiny house and kids would hear... thank god for mumsnet.
bigchris, nope not a one-off in fact last weekend we had a row because we went out for a bbq saturday night he got drunk and laid in til late sunday, got up gave the kids lunch and then went back to sleep with one of kids for a couple of hours after lunch - while I unpacked our stuff from the holiday we'd just got back from.

humph

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 24/07/2009 17:21

I was going to say lock him out but that is not a real option.

He needs to be told, when he comes home, that with sick children he needs to do the bare minimum and then come home.

Tomorrow HE has the kids while you go and get your hair/nails done and have lunch out with a girlfriend.

Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 19:40

hmmm, well its all goone a bit farcical now.
After a couple of calls to him to ask him to head home I got a call from someone who was with him in the pub to say that he had fallen over and cut his head... so I have since spent about an hour ringing round to get numbers of friedns of his in London who could help ot, finally get hold of someone, get all their details so I can get the person who he's with to put him in a cab to their house.... then about half an hour later he phones to say he's fine and he's still in the pub... so I tell him to get in a taxi... Luckily his friend is lovely and is hopfully now sorting it out while I get on with the kids, ds1 had a bit of a relapse while all this was going on and went all floppy. Luckily nurofen has perked him up and they are both quiet in bed upstairs.
What an f'ing ridiculous situation. Everytime I spoke to him he couldn't understand why I was so cross. Just gonna sit and have a cry now and calm down before I clean up this place.

OP posts:
woozlet · 24/07/2009 19:43

yanbu, sounds like something my dh would do as well

BadgersArse · 24/07/2009 19:44

how old is he?

seeker · 24/07/2009 19:46

Why does it take two of you to look after two children?

Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 19:52

Seeker, you're right - it doens't take 2 of us and I can cope just like many other people have to. It seems reasonable to me however that as he was able to just go for a drink or two and then come back home to help out/take an interest in how his ill child is then he really should have. Also that he shouldn't get so drunk that he can't take care of himself (so I have to sort out someone to look after him for the night) and that he makes a fool out of himself in front of work colleagues. But I am interested in the other side of the argument which is why I posted...

Badger - he's nearly 40.

OP posts:
tittletat · 24/07/2009 19:54

if it's a one off not that bad really.

Just have some time to yourself tomorrow.

I spent all day with 2 sick toddlers and was ill myself so you have no sympahty here sorry

Also get no respite at the w/e as DH working.

tittletat · 24/07/2009 19:55

though i would be pissed off at him getting that drunk though. bit embarrassing and pathetic at that age (well any age really)

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 24/07/2009 19:56

On the basis that he didn't have to stay past a certain time, he could have come home to be with his sick child.

Has he really fallen over and hurt his head or does he just want more time in the pub?

Hulababy · 24/07/2009 20:02

YANBU. You have been home all day with a sick child plus another young child. You could do with his support, or at least to give you a break. He is just as responsible for his children as you are. He should have come home, not gone out and got drunk.

pointydog · 24/07/2009 20:03

I wouldn't be impressed at getting blitzed and falling over while networking.

pooka · 24/07/2009 20:04

I know this isn't posted in AIBU. But as if it were, YAdefinitelyNBU. It takes no stretch of the imagination to assume that one or other of your children will be ill overnight, need medicine or soothing or whatever.

I know that you can do it on your own, and loads of people do. At the same time, why should you have to take all responsibility for your shared children? When all it would have taken for your husband to be involved and engaged would be not to get rat-arsed at lunch time given the situation.

Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:12

Thanks for support. Have just had 2 calls, one from dh to say he was round the corner from friends - I said I didn't want to talk to him until he was definitely there, he asked me why I was so upset... 2nd one from friend who confirmed his arrival and said she was going to clean up his head. Might show him this thread so that he can see why I am so upset rather than have to explain it all to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:15

Woozlet, sorry missed your comment - yep, maybe its a bloke thing - they can just switch off whereas I wouldn't be able to.

OP posts:
Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:16

tittletat - hope you all get better soon, am keeping my fingers crossed that we just get it one by one...

OP posts:
Dizzyclarebear · 24/07/2009 20:16

YABU for calling and trying to talk sense to a pissed man - of course he doesn't see it's an issue, he is drunk. Not worth your phone bill. And would you want him to put the DCs to bed hammered?

Would you like a pissed man as company tonight? I cant think of anything more irriating that a drunk middle aged man...

However, YANBU to be angry that he's not thought about his sick child and watched what he was drinking so he could be of use to you. I agree with others, a hangover is no excuse not to help tomorrow. You tell him you're going out and he can deal with the sick DC - hangovers should not get sympathy, if he whinges, throw some Nurofen at him and tell him to man-up.

Dizzyclarebear · 24/07/2009 20:19

oh, missed that he'd hurt himself - hope he's ok but maintain the 'no sympathy for drunken accidents' rule...

NigellaTufnel · 24/07/2009 20:19

YANNNNNBU

I was furious with DH last weekend as he got drunk at the cricket, was useless on Friday night and like a bear with a sore head all Saturday; grumpy and unhelpful.

It is not fair on your dc. That is the most important thing.

Original poster
seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:20

thanks dizzy. you're right, it is a complete waste of time talking to a drunk man. Unfortunately he is now staying in London and I dont expect he'll be up early so I probably won't see him until late tomorrow afternoon - but you're right, my bed will be much comfier without a stinking snoring drunk man in it

OP posts: