Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've taken day holiday to look after sick kids, he is having a long boozy lunch...

42 replies

seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 17:03

Am livid.
Ds2 (18mo) has swine flu and is grumpy, ds2 (4) is grumpy and teary and I expect he's going to have it too. We all stayed at home yesterday (first day of illness) but advice was that if we had no symptoms then we could go out. I said I would take a days holiday and look after the kids so that 'd'h could go to a meeting in London. Called him at 3, he could barely speak and told me he was having a liquid lunch 'networking' after the meeting. He didn't understand why I was so peed off and why I wanted to know what time he was planning on heading home - we live about 3hrs away from London...
I could scream I am so livid. That means he won't be around to help with bedtime. Won't be any comany this evening and will be no use tomoorrow morning. And in this time either me, him or Ds1 could get really ill - yip!
Just makes me mad that he doesn't think this is an issue.
Feel free to give his point of view, I feel like a whingey nagging harridan which just makes me more angry...

OP posts:
pointydog · 24/07/2009 20:20

I wouldn't show him the thread.

expatinscotland · 24/07/2009 20:22

I'd say nothing, would get up tomorrow and be out the door by 9AM.

I really would just leave him to it.

Any parent, male or female, should have the fecking maturity to realise you don't leave your spouse with sick kids to go and get so leathered you fall and cut your head.

DH was once a SAHD. Yep, when the girls fell ill he was in the flat all day with them.

And out of respect and courtesy and common decency to him as a human being and father, I did my best to get home when I could, sober, to do my fair share when it comes to bringing up the two children we chose to bring into the world together.

It's not hard, on the Planet Maturia.

seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:23

really pointydog? i was just reading it and thinking it would be good for him to know that its not just me who thinks he is out of order.

OP posts:
Dizzyclarebear · 24/07/2009 20:24

Oh what a mess! Oh the otherhand, he owes you big time - is there a nice spa near by you could deposit yourself in next weekend?

pointydog · 24/07/2009 20:25

would be a recipe for disaster in this house and I don't think we'd be alone.

pooka · 24/07/2009 20:26

Exactly expat. It's a case of respect and consideration. If dh were home with ill children I would be sure as hell to do whatever possible to be home as soon as possible, sober and ready to care for the kids.
I would find his lack of understanding of why you're pissed off absolutely infuriating. I mean, how hard is it to imagine why you'd be angry? Is is normally this clueless?

expatinscotland · 24/07/2009 20:28

I'd not say a word, I'd just take the next opportunity to swan off at the spur of the moment and drop him in it.

I honestly would.

Would enlist the help of a friend, make up a boozy afternoon, then spend the night at hers.

When really I'd be a fecking hotel with a spa whereupon I'd spend the night in peace after plenty of pampering, wake up, have a long breakfast, and come home whenever I damn well felt like it.

And I wouldn't feel at all guilty about it, either.

seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:28

Thanks everyone for your comments, feeling much better now and boys are still asleep {fingers crossed}. Going to watch Corrie and revel in the truely farcical goings on there before I try to find the floor.

OP posts:
MollieO · 24/07/2009 20:30

If he hurt is head why didn't he go to A&E? Or why did you have to sort out where he went? Why couldn't whomever he was with do that? [confused emoticon].

skybright · 24/07/2009 20:30

My advice has gone out the window,i was going to say that you should leave him some painkillers and water and kick him out the bed to deal with the kids in the morning.

Is he the type to come home with flowers etc when he sobers up or will he have no guilt?

expatinscotland · 24/07/2009 20:31

When you have young children, your days of getting utterly bladdered sponateously are over.

seethingofsussex · 24/07/2009 20:31

ooh, expat that is soooooooo tempting...
Pooka, that is it exactly. If he'd have said sorry during any of the many conversations we'd had today it would have gone a very long way. Yep, unfortunately he often needs this kind of thing spelling out. Anyway, gonna forget about it all and head to Weatherfield... night all x

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 24/07/2009 20:41

it wouldn't be just tempting to me, it'd be a reality.

because i've never understood why it's okay for one gender to behave one way when it comes to parenting just by virture of their having a cock.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/07/2009 20:47

God, that is so out of order, OP. I am really with you on this one. He sounds just like my OP. They just don't see themselves as part of the equation when it comes to a situation where the kids are ill.

My DH has been working away/very late for the past 3 weeks. He had 2 nights out arranged on 2 weekends running which was fine, he hadn't had some down time with his mates in ages. DS2 was ill between the 2 nights out - vomiting etc, in bed with me at night so I was getting no sleep. Then I got the world's worst cold and felt grotty myself. Still, I was happy for him to go out on the second night out (well, it was a day really - he was out all afternoon and early evening). DS2 still in bed with me at night so I wasn't getting any sleep. I assumed he would be fine with me lying in 2 mornings on the trot last weekend seeing as he'd had his "me time" and restful nights without a sick 3 year old vomiting on him and I was feeling ill, but all I got from him at my understandable grumpy mood the next day through exhaustion and just feeling crap was just a dig: "What's up with you? Haven't you had enough lie-ins this week?"

It was infuriating. I really don't think they understand what it's like to be on your own with a sick child for days on end, stuck in the house, esp when you are ill yourself. The reason is because they don't ever have to do it. We get stuck with it because we are the mums and for some reason it's assumed that mums are the main carers of sick children.

I am so with you on this one and feel your annoyance!!!!

FWIW, my DH is a great dad and DH normally, as I bet your's is. What is WRONG with them that they can't see the right way to behave in a situation like this?

I would be especially annoyed because of the swine flu thing. Who knows what turn your LO could take - need taking to A&E or whatever, and where is your DH? On the piss..... sorry, I'm getting all irate for you now......

CurlyhairedAssassin · 24/07/2009 20:48

"Just like my OP"!!!??!?!? Just like my DH, I meant......obviously. God, can't you tell it's wine o'clock....

Stretch · 24/07/2009 20:57

Agree with expat (as usual!!)

I would be embarassed for him, getting that drunk. I think he owes your friend too.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 24/07/2009 21:00

I wouldn't show him the thread.

I expect it will piss him off.

He owes you big time.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread