AIBU - Are the following demands during *labour* kooky or over the top? You know you got to help me out ?

[snapple]

OK mumsnetters - check out a selection of proposed items on my birth plan - AIBU

Context - I am just over 25 weeks pregnant, will have the baby in a large noisy london hospital, so will be unlikely to have continuity of care.

1. MUSIC if I want it (and yes DH will bring the portable ipod with speakers)

For example some killer tracks, how about:

Are we Human or are we Dancer?

or

I got soul, but I'm not a soldier

with that great refrain:

Yeah, you know you got to help me out
Yeah, oh don't you put me on the back burner
You know you got to help me out, yeah

2. Getting in a birthing pool for pain relief.

3. Have the lights down low.

4. Having dh bring in home made pasta if I want it.

5. Asking anyone who enters to use antibacterial gel.

6. Requesting that I only have dh and essential staff in the labour room.

7. requesting a hands off approach by staff as to the baby after giving birth, for those first precious moments.

8. letting cord stop pulsating before they cut the cord

9. requesting natural delivery of the 3rd stage of labour.

I know the above assumes all goes well.

I'd also be interested if anyone did a birth plan that hospital staff took notice of.

I had to stop and laugh at number 1.

One or two killer tracks? How about the whole history of prog rock on multiple cds played on a loop.

Some first labours are hellish long.

Hi - only just joined the thread. I had a birthplan very similar to yours with my LO (I only have one). I must say I took everything I wanted with me and although the room was FULL of my stuff and I had everyone there I wanted etc etc, there are a couple of things I would like to say with the benefit of hindsight:

1. I should never have asked DP AND bestfriend to be there, they don;t really see eye to eye (mistake)

2. I took loads of light snack-food: japanese rice crackers and chocolate-covered brazils, but the midwife kept telling me to stop eating in case I had to be sick or have an epidural I think. (I didn't).

3. the best thing I found that got me through was orange isotonic drinks. Brilliant brilliant. (never touched the things before or since)

4. I think you should take whatever you want with you and make the demands you want. The idea of a birth-plan to take some control over a situation that takes away most of your control isn't it? It helped me anyway to believe I was a bit in control of it all anyway (I do recall barking tracks at my birthpartners like a demented duke-box between heavy contractions. It did help.)

5. I must say in the moments of bliss/ relief/ exhaustion that followed the birth the staff ignored my wish to give LO vitamin K in oral drop form and basically told me I had to allow her to have the injection. I gave in. Also I have no idea if they cut the cord after it had stopped pulsating. I'm afraid I was otherwise engaged. I imagine they probably did what was best for them (sorry).

6. lastly (and I know many people request to take them home so Lord knows why but) they looked at me like I had 2 heads when I asked to see the placenta. Just thought I'd throw that in.

Best of luck and go with what you want I say.

Great birth plan, but things might change on the day, so be prepared to be flexible.

do you really think giving birth isn't a profound experience for 99.5% of women giving birth? I'm amazed. certainly was profound for me

Maternity Matters is worth a read

"Maternity matters highlights the Government commitment to developing a high quality, safe and accessible maternity service through the introduction of a new national choice guarantee for women. This will ensure that by the end of 2009, all women will have choice around the type of care that they receive, together with improved access to services and continuity of midwifery care and support."

OP, you'll always get people who sneer at birth plans and say things along the lines of "oh, fgs, how can you PLAN your birth?!" They are missing the point I hope your birth goes smoothly - it's a very good idea to think through what is important with you and discuss it with the person/people who will be supporting you.

My birth plan was not dis-similar, and went out the window when they realised that ~DS was undiagnosed back to back, footling breech, and I was going to theatre NOW!

Thankyou Starlight - I was half wathcing TV.

I know a MW who loves birth plans (not in a sniggering way either) - she loves to see women who've given their imminent labour a lot of thought. I hope you end up with one who feels the same way!

As for the end stuff, the cord and the unmanaged third stage - make sure someone in the room is aware of that, because it can be a local protocol that they'll give you the stuff to make you deliver the placenta unless you tattoo it onto your inner thigh! Actually, that's an idea...

I had a very elaborate birth plan - not because I was picky demanding discriminating, but because I could imagine all sorts of things that might go wrong. So mine read like a sort of flow chart: if Scenario A, proceed in this way, if Scenario B, then do this, and so on. Don't remember getting it out of the bag in the event, but then I was induced for hypertension, which was a scenario I hadn't accommodated!

One thing I do remember was that I was convinced I'd need regular bowls of lemon sorbet (my pregnancy addiction) and had actually written in my birth plan that DH might have to go out to Waitrose to procure this!

morocco: I didn't put a figure on it! I said 'sometimes'. I dislike the orthodoxy that seems to currently prevail that giving birth is the most extraordinary thing in a woman's life. It isn't always. Lifechanging - yes. Incredible - yes. Profound - not necessarily.

hunkermunker: I have read Maternity Matters. I also read in The Times only this week how nursing and midwifery are still in absolute crisis, with insufficient staff to support safe effective working conditions. I think that's quite incompatible with the aims you quote.

On my birth plan with dd2 I had been advised to put..

"Could whomever cuts the cord please wear a mask"

I hadn't asked for music/ low lights or lots of other things that I know people ask for and my birth plan was prefaced with " Aim 1 have a healthy baby so please feel free to disregard this entire piece of paper if you feel its necessary"

The midwife I had been "assigned" at the hospital informed me it was the most ridiculous request she had ever heard.

She did wear a mask when I cut the cord myself, but tbh she was really sarcastic about it and made a very big deal out of the request.

With no3 I gave the same list and they were totally happy with my request.

Even discussed whether it should be mandatory.

IME it all depends on who you get and what their opinions are.

If you are worried why don't you show your midwife your birthplan now and ask their opinion?

sounds all great and similar to me, print five copies or more and make dh aware he must put them in front of each new person that comes in and ask them to read it. he should stand there for a few seconds more for them to understand NOW

althoug for me birth pool was not free

i had music all the time, i loved it!

When I had ds 10 years ago I had an emergancy cs.
But when I had dd, my first and who is a teen now. I asked for the birthing pool, and the midwife informed me that it was wise to get into the bath while I waited for the pool to fill (even though I had got out of the bath to go to hospital!) Good job she did, as I was violently sick after 5 mins in the bath! No birthing pool for me then!
So I laboured with my head stuck out of the window, in fact I delivered dd in whilst my head and some of my torso where hung out of the window, much to my mothers horror ... and she was a gynae doc!
My mother soon changed her opinion of women birthing while hanging out of third floor windows, she now thinks its a great idea

I know, Becky. I don't think it hurts to let women know what level of care/choice, etc they ought to be receiving though. Too often, women put up with things and allow the people who control the budgets to overlook investing in maternity services.

If we made more of a fuss and didn't berate one another for having "impossible ideals", things would be better for everyone.

2rebecca, i disagree about the lighting, one of my deliveries was at night and the mw's were more than happy for me to have almost all the lights off, even while pushing. I apologised at pne point for making their life difficult with the darkness and the mw told me not to be silly, as long as i was comfortable there was no problem, they'd up the lighting if necessary but it wasn't necessary. That was in a large busy hospital. My other 2 were daytime births in rooms with windows but oddly daylight doesn't bother me during labour

Also, i had one managed 3rd stage and two natural.... i hemorrhaged badly with the managed and bled heavily for weeks, as well as having a chunk of retained placenta. I had minimal bleeding with the 2 natural and lochia was lighter and ended sooner.

Someone mentioned vitamin k and i do think this is a hugely important one to consider... there's information on the net that can help you make a choice but if you choose not to have it administered prepare for a fight. With dd i said no and it was no bother, with ds1 however i had a huge fight on my hands with the paediatricians and was made to feel like an abusive bitch and sign forms saying i accepted full responsibility for endangering my babies life It was very stressful right after giving birth. With ds2 i said no and that was fine but on SCBU he had to have a lot of blood tests so i changed my mind (if you read up on it you'll understand why) but the RN who administered it only gave him a half dose as she knew my feelings about it which was very thoughtful and kind.

Kooky birth item update. Some of you may recall that I posted some items, all assuming if my upcoming labour was uncomplicated and without the need for interventions.

Just to update everyone who kindly posted before, my DH and I did discuss items of my birthplan with the MW.

The MW did not snort, giggle or screw up her nose,
even at the pasta or music items!

I don't have a dedicated MW but every MW I have met at the hospital I am booked with and go to appointments at has thus far been very experienced and helpful and this MW was no exception. Actually my DH and I can't fault anyone we have come into contact with so hope this bodes well for the labour experience.

No point or question I had was an issue for her, she has had her babies at the hospital and assured me she had similar requests.

At the next few visits I will set out a birth plan that will go with my notes, at the front. I'm going to put the birthing pool at the top of the list to help secure it as some posters had suggested. MW also thought DH having extra copies would not hurt either, which some posters had also mentioned.

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Thanks Pitchounette good point, dh is going to my advocate, he is very calm.

Actually I have found him to be really fab at the appointments he had gone to, he remembers stuff I forget to ask and so on.

My top tip for getting the labour you want: Hire a doula. Your dh may be overwhelmed (or just shit, like mine) and it can really help having an objective person advocating on your behalf during labour.

I have thought long and hard about a doula - but I think I will consider the doula for after the labour to help me and my DH out.

My DH has a good track record, being the unexpectant emergency birth attendant at a family members labour (long story, unexpected home birth and I sent him around because he was the closest, anyway it is way too complicated to go into) but the mum reported back that he was fab at that labour, so fingers crossed.

I thought my dh would be good at my births, but he was rubbish. I had a horrendous birth with my ds (1st child) planned home birth but ended up with intervention, narrowly avoided EmCS etc etc. Poor dh was thoroughly traumatised by the whole thing - I think often we as women can underestimate how traumatic birth is for men, it must be awful watching someone you love be in that much pain and be powerless to do anything about it. In fact, I'm very much of the opinion that if we have a 3rd baby dh won't be at the birth, it'll be me and the mw's and my doula and that's it.

I had a doula with my 2nd birth and it was great - I'm glad dh was at the birth because it was a very healing experience for both of us - but he was beyond useless, and made a couple of really stupid comments that made me want to punch him!

Thanks Tafka, thanks for your post - glad your 2nd birth was great, did you continue to use your doula after the birth too? If so, how was that?

The doula I used with dd's birth is a lovely lady, who has become a close friend. She is still training (which is one of the reasons I chose her, because she was cheap ) and I was her 3rd or 4th birth i think. She has a dd who is the same age as my ds, and has been an invaluable support to me since dd was born, but that goes somewhat above and beyond the usual call of the doula, and I think is unusual.

Postnatal support from a doula can include breastfeeding support, help with the housework, shopping, helping to take care of other children, if you have any. I would heartily recommend using a doula - there are testimonials here, both for birth and for postnatal doulas.

I do hope you get the birth you want. I wrote a 3 page long birth plan for my ds, and then for dd wrote, "I want a cup of strong tea with half a sugar afterwards please!"

I thought they didn't like you eating during labour in case things aren't straightforward and you need surgery.

That was the way it was in my day (10 years ago) so it might have changed since then.

But good luck with the rest!

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Hi Snapple, I really hope you get the birth you want. But just remember, you might not. And that's OK.
With DS1 I had everything possible, one-to-one care, doula, private room with own pool, birthing ball, music, darkness etc etc. As non-medicalised, mother-friendly a labour as you could hope for. But he wasn't coming out, and that was that. After 30 hourse (inc 4 of directed pushing) it was into the ambulance and a c-section. They pulled him out with his elbow over his face. If I'd been in a village here in Zambia he would have been dead and I'd have a fistula. I felt let down by the "natural childbirth police" (in my head, more than anything) because I had somehow assumed that as long as I didn't allow THEM (ie doctors, hospital protocols etc) to be in charge then everything would be fine. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I didn't get the experience I wanted, and there wasn't even anyone to blame. So please try not to get too attached to your birth plan (great tho they are) and don't beat yourself up if you don't get the birth you envisaged. The whole control thing is all an illusion anyway. And that's OK.