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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be buying a house i don't love.

59 replies

wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 18:56

To cut a very long story short we have lost out on a period house that i LOVED today despite going over the price it was first sold for by 30k, for the 3rd time in 7 months tis a nightmare.

The thing is we have sold ours and have to go through with the sale by the end of August, our house is too small for us and we don't want to live here anymore, a while ago saw another house its very nice completely suburban though 4 bed post war semi dh loves it and its so practical, i can see that and we could make it lovely BUT no matter how lovely we could make it its just not me.

I've always seen myself as a bit of a bohemian/good lifer type throwing fab parties in my big house (i waqs planning a great gatsby house warming thats how much i believed it was ours)financially this house tick none of those boxes but does tick the walk to school, big garden, plenty of space and will make the dh and children happy. We've put an offer on it but i'm not sure i'm doing the right thing. I feel like i'm giving up my dreams and just settling. AIBU, WWYD.

Its taken us 8 months to sell so staying here isn't an option and we're stretched to the max any other houses i've seen that i like will send my DH over the edge.

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BottySpottom · 21/07/2009 21:55

We bought with our heads, not our hearts, after viewing 55 houses!

I struggle with the suburbia thing too - the house once we are in it is fine, practical and feels like home, but my heart used to sink every time we came home. All those 1960s houses in a row, those neat gardens and ladies making gravy .

I have sort of got used to it though as it is so convenient to walk into a local beautiful city, 10 mins to excellent school, 20 mins walk to countryside - and something period would have to be smaller and terraced (most period are around here) so would take away our privacy. The main thing is that this was the first proper home for our first born and the home our other two came home to after leaving hospital. There are so many memories here.

Despite all that though I still struggle with the suburbia thing and wish a nice large house somewhere held our babyhood memories so that we didn't have to move.

preciouslillywhite · 21/07/2009 21:58

I know exACTly what you mean. Especially about grownupness.It took me about 3 years to get used to living in a house somewhere a bit green and leafy after living in flats on estates for donkey's...

What about the neighbourhood? Is it Proper Suburban? Will you hate your neighbours/they hate you, you think?

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:01

CMO lol at the trampoline, do you know me. The thing is the new house needs alot of work, it needs modernisation though as oppose big building work like the other and my kids are only little so they quite kind of think of it as an adventure.

I'm going to have to do alot of thinking.

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Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:02

botty are you in Sheffield?

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Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:09

precious i don't think i'd hate my neighbours i would just feel old and i'm afraid it would be so safe i'd never convince the rest of the family it was time to move. I get on very well with my elderley neighbours here and lots of my colleagues live very nearby to the new house and have children of similar ages.

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crankytwanky · 21/07/2009 22:09

Blimey.

I'd be thankful to be able to afford a house like that, and to have happy, healthy children running about in the big garden!

Home can be anywhere, as long as the people you love are there.

Get some chickens.
Don't be precious.

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:12

Cranky i'd love chickens but i can guarentee you that the neighbours would not approve, thats part of the problem.

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BottySpottom · 21/07/2009 22:12

No, not Sheffield

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:13

guarantee even, i can't even blame wine.

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Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 21/07/2009 22:15

sorry it just sounds similar. Don't get me started on the baby memories i'll WILL blub then.

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puffylovett · 21/07/2009 22:17

haven't read full thread so apologise.

I compromised on a house 5 yrs ago. Ams till stuck here with DC2 on the way, cramped, no garden, DESPERATE to move to a period property, even now thinking I will compromise on style just to move area and get a bigger garden.

DON't Do it. Rent until your perfect house comes along. You will be in a brilliant position to put a cracking offer on your dream house when it appears, as it will - this one fell through for a reason !

mumzy · 22/07/2009 07:33

I don't feel YABU but you do have got a choice, rent for a while longer and hold out for your dream house or go ahead and buy the perfectly ok house (but not the one of your dreams.
FWIW the forever house is probably the hardest one to get right as we invest everything (financially & emotionally in it)and intend to stay 15-20 years.

The market is mad at the moment as a lot of people with family houses won't sell but many are renting them out instead and waiting to see if prices pick up. You'll probably be spoilt for choice if you're renting ATM.

sunnydelight · 22/07/2009 07:48

I've done exactly that recently. We rented in Sydney for nearly two years and I was desperate for my own home again. DH fell in love with this house, as did the children, I was hesitant as there is lots to do and I knew that once we bought we wouldn't have the money and I just didn't have the "I love it" feeling. BUT, it ticks a lot of boxes in terms of space/convenience/transport etc. so I accepted that if everyone else was happy I would be too, and they are.

Buying and selling isn't as expensive in the UK as in other countries, so why not think of it as a short term option. Hopefully the house will grow on you, or you will at least appreciate the benefits, and if not there is always the possibility of moving on in a few years.

hotbot · 22/07/2009 08:08

buy it it fufils your needs NOW , we bgt a house to do up - really vile, 1970s bungalow,we knew we would make money on it. etc we had dd decided to stay, it has a large garden, fantastic neighbours ,massive privacy, good schools, i walk to work, and you know what expecting another and cant bear the thought of moving, so are extending
i am a period home junkie too, but nothing in life is forever sometimes you just need to settle for what is good enough and if it good for the kids - having them happy is worth a bit more than bricks and mortar not being arranged right...

branflake81 · 22/07/2009 08:13

I would love to have a big house with a garden so I think YAB a bit U and not really aware of how lucky you are.

Having said that, I DO understand why you feel a little sad. It's a lot of money to spend on something you're not completely happy with. If you really feel it's going to bug you for the rest of your life then don't buy it - listen to your instincts.

When we were househunting we had an offer accepted on a lovely house but withdrew it because I just didn't feel right about it and couldn't decide why.

Later i realised i wasn't happy with the area it was in (too far from the city centre) and I am so glad I didn't go through with the sale.

newpup · 22/07/2009 08:14

But your home is so important!

I know that lots of people are not in a position to be buying a lovely house but if you are, it is important for it to be the right one considering the amount of money you invest in it.

If you are not going to both be happy do not buy it! Compromise is important but not at the expense of living somewhere you really do not want to be.

Home is where you can really be you! Close your door and relax. If you are in a position to choose somewhere nice to live you have to be happy with the investment, in terms of money and emotion.

I lived a house for 7 years because it was right for us at the time. We could afford it, the area was good and it was the practical option. I never loved the house and did not look back on the day we moved out. I am lucky enough now to live in a house I love. I used to dream about living in a house like this and still pinch myself when I pull up the driveway!

YANBU you could rent and find a house you both love!

BottySpottom · 22/07/2009 10:04

Forgot to say - house prices won't bottom out for ages yet (years?) and will then stay low for ages, so you could do well to sell now and rent.

mumof2teenboys · 22/07/2009 10:21

I wouldn't buy a house that I didn't like again. The house we have got ticked all the boxes on a practical level, off-road parking, double garage, nice big garden.

I hate it with a passion, its horrible inside, we have got a 3 bedroom end of terrace (1910).One bedroom is reasonably sized but the other two are tiny. Wasn't too bad when we bought as the boys were younger! But now that they are 19 and 17, the rooms are just far too small. I know that they won't be here for very much longer (uni and the RAF, if they have their way!) but I still feel sorry for them in tiny rooms.

I hate my kitchen, its so bad that I can't see any redeeming features but we cant afford to spend the thousands it will cost to have a halfway decent one.

Every room depresses me, I think of some of the houses we looked at and could cry some days.

Practicality overcame desire and this is what we ended up with. On so many levels it works, close to parents, was close to the boys school. Walking distance to town etc. I just hate it so much. I will never settle for sensible again.

Nancy66 · 22/07/2009 10:34

We shouldn't buy anything we don't love, let alone a house - the biggest purchase we ever make in our life.

I couldn't live in a modern property. I think you are one or other: period or modern. People can rarely do either or.

Don't set yourself up for years of unhappiness, wait for the right one.

On a more practical note - period properties hold and increase their value far more than modern properties.

mumblechum · 22/07/2009 10:56

We bought the house we're in now out of desperation to buy something before the kids started school (relocation from North to south. )

I didn't even see it before we bought it , dh just phoned up, said it had 6 beds, 3 baths, huge garden, gorgeous village, area of outstanding natural beauty etc etc and I just said, just buy the goddam thing we can move again in a year once we've got settled.

10 years later we're still here and I'm still regretting it. It's an ugly 50s house and we previously had a Georgian rectory and before that a Victorian vicarage.

It was so horribly expensive to buy this one and we're now basically trapped. It is beautiful inside and has a gorgeous garden but everytime I look at it as I pull in the drive I shudder slightly.

My advice is don't do it if it doesn't feel right.

Dizzyclarebear · 22/07/2009 11:17

We're in the process of buying a house that's 'wrong' in DH's eyes - it's smaller than we wanted, it's a bit further from the station, it's semi rather than detached and the one he wanted to buy had an extra bedroom, a larger garden, was closer to the station etc, however, I walked into the place we're buying and it made my heart sing.

So one pregnant lady tantrum later, he agreed to buy it. And I know the other place would be more practical but I can't help it, I'd have been sad living there.

Rent for 6 months then look again. There's not much on the market now as people aren't opting to move, but rather sadly, 2010 will bring a new batch of forced sellers.

TsarChasm · 22/07/2009 11:22

I really wouldn't, couldn't buy a house that I didn't like.

Having lived in this one for years that I really don't like, nothing would make me choose badly again. It can make you so miserable in the long run.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 22/07/2009 13:02

Tricky... do feel sorry for you as it seems you're a bit stuck as you need to get on and buy somewhere to keep your mortgage offer.

I'd chat to your bank about renting for a while, you say it isn't possible but always worth another call. Unfortunately, if you can't buy yourselves some time to find somewhere you both like then you seem a bit stuck.

Difficult but I think YABalittleU in the current housing climate. Is there anything you can do to the post-war semi to improve the look or make it more you? Could hideous windows be replaced or the front of the house/garden/drive be improved?

Also, are you using websites like fish4homes - we found these sorts of websites invaluable to get info on as many homes as possible, rather than relying on estate agents to contact us.

Good luck.

TutTutter · 22/07/2009 13:05

rent for a while

if you buy a house you don't love you'll end up moving again. moveing = too expensive to do more than you have to

Original poster
wolfnipplechips · 22/07/2009 14:40

Ok just to show you all what a PITA i am i went back to the house today without dh and actually really liked it. It turns out its a 1920's house but the outside has been changed to make it look newer/uglier IFYSWIM I had our builder come with me and when he went through all the things we could do the inside could be fab and the outside would need alot doing to it but could be much better, the thing is the estate agent just phoned to say someone in a proceedable position has offered 10k over the asking price. This is the way the world works. Maybe this happened to show me how good it is or maybe its just not meant to be.

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