For not wanting my fifteen year old to drink in a party?

[grabagran]

Have just received a group text from a mum who is hosting her son's 15th birthday party, stating that she is offering each boy a few cans, unless parents object, and then there will be no alcohol.
My son was sick all night (along with another 3 of his friends, including birthday boy) after his last house party with parents present and where drink was allowed-some smuggled in vodka. I am in two minds, I can see that responsible drinking is sensible, and that if you don't give it to them at home they'll drink it in the park, but isn't this encouraging kids to drink? Also, if you don't want your ds to join in and so tell the mum this, you are becoming a party-pooper!DH says that he is prepared to reply that he objects, I am being the usual piggy-in-the-middle and trying to see all sides, but secretly resenting the fact that the onus has been put on us, so that blame can then possibly be opportioned ("We couldn't have booze because of JOSHUA'S mum saying no!!"). Any thoughts?

I absolutely remember parties in the 70s/80s!! I was there, drinking a lot as well!

There were people who had to have their stomachs pumped. I am certainly not looking back with rose tinted spectacles.

I honestly don't think the majority of teens drank to the extent that they do now, at either such a young age, or drank spirits in the quantities they do now because a) we couldn't afford it (alcohol is relatively cheaper now, isn't it? certainly bottles of vodka) and b)getting absolutely drunk to the point of vomitting and passing out does seem to be much more acceptable now, eg not just a 'one off' where we 'learnt our lesson'.

Teens regularly get taken to hospital these days. It is a big problem.

It probably won't be a problem for the vast majority of posters' children on Mumsnet but I really do think it is worse nowadays.

Update from the first post, especially for you Sleeplessinstretford. Thanks for all your messages, each one was worth reading! DH replied by text to the party boy's mum yesterday lunchtime that "DS wasn't ready for booze, as I still have the pukestains on the paintwork of my cardoor since the last party!". If it had been up to me, it would have been a growled "No more than two cans" to DS, but I would not have been happy as this decision would raise the bar for all the next few parties.Remember they are all fifteen year olds, and a handful still 14.Anyway, we had no acknowledgement, and when DS returned last night he said there were over thirty in the house and no booze there because "One parent said no" but he didn't know who.He'd enjoyed himself anyway.Still don't know whether we were right or wrong and probably never will.

That sounds like a great outcome, esp like your DH's text!

YANBU...you are concerned!

But: Teenagers will try alcohol at some point...I think the main thing is that drinking lots is bad and they need to understand this, and also its ok NOT TO LIKE IT.

I did not like the taste of any alcohol when I was a teenager even though my family tried very hard to educate my palate to appreciate wine!

I did go to some parties and drink "because everyone else was" but I always hated the taste and never enjoyed it. Now I don't bother and haven't had a drink in over 15 years.

But "offering a few cans" sound like they want them to drink beer...which some of them may not like.

My DH has the strategy of pulling every bizarre liqueur and God knows what out of the drinks cabinet and offering it to unsuspecting teenagers (friend's children). They don't drink much and it becomes a real laugh.
Melon liqueur anyone?
I can also recommend mixing port and Advocat in a tall glass if you want to limit the drink intake.

That's my approach mumeee.

I don't see why a kids party should have alcohol.

A friend recently took her eldest to an outdoor centre for a party - a day of climbing, walks, zip wire from tree to tree etc. Everyone had a great time. This is what I think 15yr boys need - not a can of cider.

You can rofl laughing at this Pagwatch.

I am not ever going to laugh at a teenager having a great time without alcohol. Why would I do that? What a ridiculous assumption.My son spends 99% of his time having a great time without any alcohol.

But I will rofl at anyone suggesting that a teenager very occasionally having one or two drinks is part of the 'yob culture' - because that is total twattery

Yes, there is a happy medium between banning alcohol altogether (thus making it more attractive) and children getting paralytically drunk and unconscious, which is probably a couple of cans of beer occasionally from 15years old onwards.

I still think there is a problem though in this country with some 13/14 yr olds regularly drinking spirits. That is Not a Good Idea and I would actively stop my 13/14 year old if I thought he was doing so for his own sake because I am the parent and he is the child.

I have a 14.5 yr O Ds and no way would I let him drink alcohol at someone elses house.Possibly I would let him drink half a glass of wine at home but that's it and definitely no alcohol at a friends party.

We have 2 x DSs. DS1 is nearly 19 and off to Uni in September, DS2 is 17. They have both been allowed to drink in moderation. DS1 drinks when he goes to clubs, if can afford it, but has just come back from a festival - Glade - where he hardly drank at all as it was very expensive. Both of them are more likely to have a coke or lemonade at home even though wine or beer may be available. We have always found that the teens who are not allowed to drink at home are the ones who can't cope at parties and get very drunk. Alcohol like sex, drugs and cigarettes, is out there and part of life. We can't prevent out children doing things we don't want them do. We can only guide them remembering that very, very soon they will be out there in the world doing their own thing. We know more than most about the problems of drinking in our family as my DH is a recovering alcoholic.

Your lad's party sounds lovely Pag. I'd do the same here but dh far too precious about the garden.

Did anyone see that programme thew other night called live autopsy where they did an MR scan,ultrasound and blood tests on a 25 year old woman who had been binge drinking for the last year,smoking and partying til all hours and also snorting cocaine.
I would love all the teenagers that drink regularly to have seen the MR scan pictures of her liver which was covered in blisters on its outer surface. She had a liver age of something like 53 and her lungs actually showed that some of the tar from smoking was actually seeping out of the outer membrane of her lungs. Not to mention the erosion damage to the inside of her nasal passages. Liver damage goes relatively unnoticed until it is too late. I wish they would make our country like australia where it is completely illegal to drink and drive and any other measures it takes to lessen the amount that people drink. It is costing us, the tax payer millions in NHS costs for a self induced illness.

the programme we watched which did the trick and horrified my dd was on about 3 months ago,the first one was teenage pregnancy,second one teenage drinking and third one was fat teenagers.
The drinking one was in a hospital a&e and they had a girl aged about 16 who'd gone out,got pissed,misjudged crossing a road and got hit by a car and after literally months of surgery ended up having her leg amputated from the knee down.DD was horrified,that did more good than any lecture i could cook up!

I was a teen in the 70's and remember getting extremely drunk more than once at unsurpervised parties. My parents didn't drink much and it was never offered to us at all so we went out and drank strong liqour until we were ill. Some supervised drinking in moderation might have helped educate me.

DD (15) has been allowed some alcohol in my presence since she was 13, she has never been drunk and isn't fascinated by it yet.

Recently heard of a girl her age who ended up with her stomach pumped the other night. Yep, her parents have been strict.

So YABABU imo.

I have allowed my children to drink in my company on holiday and when in a restaurant.And also given permission to the responsible mums when the underage one is at the nicer parties.
I even had my elder sons 18 th birthday party in a marquee in my garden, so i was able to witness first hand them knocking back spirits and how fast they could down a WKD's. One lad had drunk 5 bottles in the first 15 minutes and against my advice carried on drinking from 7pm til 3 am in the morning. He was so ill that he fell over in the road and cut his head and i eventually decided he ought to go home to his parents so i ran him home as he would not take my advice.So even allowing them alcohol has not quelled their fascination.At university,in the last week what makes it worse is that the uni sells off any beer that is still in the barrels at 10p a pint so they try to drink a whole years worth in the last week """"cos its cheap""""""""

abouteve
Yeh i was also a teenager in the 70's and used to drink pink gin and strongbow cider. But i only remember one occasion where i got drunk and was incapable of goin to work for 2 days as i had the dt's. It never entered my head to drink so many units on such a regular basis tho.
My father was an alcoholic and i never wanted to turn out like that.