to find it hard to like a friend who has had an affair

[Lou323]

with her mates husband? We are long term mates and she has done this, and I just can't like her any more.

She's highly unlikely to be the only person you know who's shagged someone other than their official partner.

You don't know the other people. She didn't betray you sexually (I am, to be fair, only assuming this - if you did have the impression you had first dibs on her body obviously that may be different).

I think you are making this more contentious than I meant it to be. I am not saying I will never speak again. I like her, she is a mate, I am just finding it a shock dealing with what has come out, I dont give a toss abotu her H for eg but i was trying to explain I feel kind of embarrassed and like its a different person.

Agree with Swedes.

I have a friend who I don't really see anymore. I wasn't as bothered when she was having the affair as her DH was a twat but.... when she left him and left her DC's with him to move in with the new fella, I cooled it a bit. Couldn't understand a mother leaving her kids TBH.

I do honestly think that LOADS of people have affairs or at least one night stands. So you probaby do know people who have.

In my friends case it wasn't her infidelity towards her dh that I was weird about ti was the fact she had lied to me for 5 yrs.
Saying she's been going /doing somehitng else when she's been off with bloke.

We are still v close.

Lol at swedes you do sound like a serial shagger of other men lololol

YANBU, she has had an affair with her friend's husband. What happened in their relationship is a personal matter, but it would be the friend's husband part that would bother me as a friend.

I would expect my friend's to be loyal and she hasn't shown any loyalty.

YABU. She has been very stupid and very wrong but she needs her friends now. She probably (hopefully) feels terrible about it already. You can disapprove and still be a friend and hopefully forgive her eventually. She probably needs someone like you to talk some sense to her about what she has done. Any suggestion that I am speaking from experience is pure conjecture.

I'm 45 and have only ever had sex with 3 men. And not all at once.

I think when you cheat you cheat on your entire life. You are cheating on your kids, your partner, your friends and your family. You are basically lying to everyone about who you are.

The grown up thing to do in an unhappy partnership is end it (and yes blah blah blah it isn't simple or easy or all the rest of it) but it is the only way.

I watched the fallout for a very good friend of ours when her husband cheated and left her with two little kids. Watching those kids wait for their daddy one day while we were all out at lunch and him not turn up because his girlfriend wanted to go shopping, just about broke my heart.

I wouldn't want anything to do with someone who would be party to that or anything like it.

It isn't anything to do with sex for me, it is about lying and only caring that you are happy and not that your actions are probably going to destroy at least one family and maybe more.

Agree with Morloth. especially as it isn't even any random man it's her "friends" man. If someone can do something that cruel I would generalise about the rest of her personality, yes. And no I'm not an angel or perfect in any sense, apart from when it comes to unlocking my fanjo

Morloth - I like "if you cheat, you cheat on your whole life". I agree with that, but people are able to get past bad phases in their lives and live well again - after having erred from the strait path. The whole of Christianity is based on the premise of forgiveness, yet religious people use their religion as a sort of excuse for a lack of empathy and forgiveness.

That is fine swedes but I am afraid if a friend of mine acts in such a manner then they are going to have to get through that particular bad phase on their own.

I don't attempt to control anyone else's actions and I certainly don't use religion as an excuse for anything. But I can choose who I associate with and I wouldn't be interested in continuing a friendship with someone who broke so many promises.

I have known a few people to have a affairs.

I personally don't struggle to be friends with those that have an affair if tell their partner pretty soon or then leave their partner.

People make mistakes, people fall out of love (and back in love) quickly, judge not lest you be judges etc

But the one that I really struggled with is my friend that lied for ages to everyone, can't trust her and feel the level of deceit she went to made me question her honesty and found her to be so self-absorbed in her justification in her lies that I didn't really like her anymore.

Yes I dont fear for my H or anything at all.

Its just when someone does something so out of haracter ( or so you thought) and the betrayal is so profound it can take you a while..

Pagwatch: 'The killer was when the whole thing came out in the open and she wanted to complain to me about how unreasonable her DH was being and how nasty she became about him. Plus she seemed so self involved that she was apparently oblivious to how hard her DCs were taking it. That was pretty much the end for me. '

This was the situation with my closest friend a couple of years ago. It wasn't primarily the affiar, or leaving her dh, it was the way she talked and the way she behaved. I kept trying to get past it and I just couldn't. I miss her very much.