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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums/ MILS on hen nights. Yay or nay?

42 replies

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 12:54

Another wedding related ethical dilemma!

Did you/ would you invite your mum and/ or your MIL on your hen night?

What are your general views on this practice?

I'm going on a small hen night soon and bride's mum will be there. If I'm honest I'd rather it was just 'the girls' as imo that would be more of a laugh and nobody would have to worry about being polite, looking after Mrs B etc, but obviously is very much the bride's choice so I will enjoy it for what it is.

I love my own maw very very dearly but would rather stick forks in my face than try to mix her with my friends on a girls night out. As for MIL, again lovely person but I have v little really in common with her and suspect that she'd feel she'd have to say yes out of politeness but wouldn't actually want to be there anyway.

So: in general, is this just another pointless bit of wedding etiquette that everybody goes along with because they feel they should, or should mums and MILS be included (and have their generational needs catered to) on hen nights?

OP posts:

CMOTdibbler · 17/07/2009 12:57

Not included. Only hen night I have been on when rellies were included, we went and had afternoon tea at the Savoy. Then all the aunties etc went home, and we all went and got sloshed

randomtask · 17/07/2009 12:58

I think it depends on the person, their relationship and what you're doing for the hen night.

Didn't have the Mum's at mine but it was a 'child's party' with slightly rude games. Not their idea of fun and TBH, my attitude was 'it's for friends'. Think both Mum's would have been shocked to have been asked and would have then invented excuses...

SouthMum · 17/07/2009 12:59

Awww I think its nice when Mums go to hen nights. They are a big part of the wedding and they tend to skulk off when things get messy anyway......

I don't think anyone should change plans to consider the 'generational needs' tho. If they don't like whats planned they shouldn't go.

ZacharyQuack · 17/07/2009 13:02

Oh dear god no

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 13:04

Yup, sounds sensible to me. I'm not even getting married so it's theoretical anyway but my mum is the type to assume that all the other old farts should leave but that she has special dispensation to stay, as she's not like them.

But she wouldn't dream of inviting my gran if she was having a fun night with her own friends so it doesn't work both ways!

I just worry (well, not worry, but ykwim) that my own mum would take offence at not being deemed cool enough to hit the bars.

And would then proced to roll her eyes and do cats bum face at my friend's conversation, indeed at any conversation she wasn't at the helm of.

(as I suspect Mrs B will do too)

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 17/07/2009 13:04

Both came to mine, my aunty came to keep mum company and SIL to be looked afer MIL, they all had a great time and tbh it didn't effect me at all and no i don't normally go out on the town with my mum!

MIAonline · 17/07/2009 13:05

NO!

I would never invite either MIL or my Mum on a night out, why when it was linked to the wedding would I suddenly start?

LoveBeingAMummy · 17/07/2009 13:05

PS as we went to a different town and stayed in a hotel they were able to leave when they wanted too.

HerHonesty · 17/07/2009 13:09

depends if you like them or not. and how wild you want to be.

btw i would put them in different categories. mums yes, mils NO

phdlife · 17/07/2009 13:11

I didn't have one but there is no way in hell I'd invite my mother - and no way in hell she'd turn up to anything where there might be "drinking"

MiL much better than mum, but still ... meh.

JohnDory · 17/07/2009 13:12

NAY NAY AND Thrice nay
DO THEY REALLY WANT TO COME ON THEM?

MovingOutOfBlighty · 17/07/2009 13:13

No NO NOnononononononon!!!!!!

sister had my mum and her MIL to her hen which wasn't crazy raucous but fairly 'penis-straw' type stuff. She died a thousand deaths and wished they hadnt been there. My mum is a good laugh but my sis just didn't feel right.

So I didn't have them to mine, just had tea with them instead at a hotel in London which suited everyone.

jumpingbeans · 17/07/2009 13:13

I went to both my dd and my dil,along with a couple of my mates, we had a great time early in the evening, then later we ledt them when they went to nightclub, we went to a different one, did't like the one they went to,longstanding joke in our house dd got home before me on her hen night

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 13:16

My mum has past form. She was invited as a MIL to my SILs hen, and looked confused and slightly offended throughout.

My job was to keep her from offending any other guests and vice versa, so my sister and I had a pretty thin time of it. I really love my SIL and it was a wasted chance to have some proper fun with her.

My family is full of steps too, so there is more then one mum on all sides. Mayhem.

OP posts:

corriefan · 17/07/2009 13:17

My mum's lovely and difficult to shock but I didn't invite her so that my friends didn't feel they had to be good or anything. She's also hard to offend her so I knew she wouldn't mind at all.

PartOfTheHumphreysGroup · 17/07/2009 13:18

ugh no, my best friend invited her mum along to hers and it was really bloody annoying! She stayed up all night with us and just kind of sat there looking slightly uncomfortable. We couldn't do half the things we had planned as we were waiting for her to leave (bit close to the bone with regards to teenage antics!)
she also invites her along to other people's parties if she happens to be staying with her at the time, also annoying, and a bit rude if you ask me!

MovingOutOfBlighty · 17/07/2009 13:19

Oh good God Morris, it is just too yukky having to cringe about the whole slightly offended thing.
My sisters MIL was especially unimpressed by a quiz which went into great detail about her sons sexual prowess.

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 13:23

Exactly! Put beer in my hand and my mouth switches to default 'slag off DP' mode.

I couldn't go a whole night of drunken japes without having to make a few choice remarks which MIL ears must NEVER hear.

Not that I don't love him but come on.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 17/07/2009 13:26

I did, but my hen night was a very mature meal out, and included my 13yo bridesmaid as well. Think both mum and MIl were a bit surprised at being asked but I'm glad they came. They left after the meal, and we went out for a few drinks after that.
OTOH I don't think it's unreasonable not to want them there either!

LoveMyGirls · 17/07/2009 13:27

Both are coming to mine it's a spa thing and I wanted people very close to me to come.

I'm not saying every party is their cup of tea but it's nice to all have a chill and get excited about the wedding together after all in a way they've been looking forward to this day longer than I have!

TsarChasm · 17/07/2009 13:31

God noooo..my mum wouldn't have wanted to anyway.

Mil would've though. But she's queen of High Ho Silver Lining; so er..no.

It was all so long ago now though...

Caitni · 17/07/2009 14:17

It's pretty common in Ireland to have your mum/MIL at your hen and I think it's good manners. I live abroad so didn't have my mum on my hen do (had it in the UK) but she's been on the hens of my sisters and SILs and it's been a laugh. But she's very relaxed and has a good sense of humour for a woman in her 70s .

In fact, my younger sister also had her soon-to-be MIL (who is very sheltered and a devout Catholic from a small rural village) at her hen in Dublin last year and her MIL loved it - saw a handbag being stolen, saw her first ever lesbians kissing, saw gay men walking hand in hand for the first time ever and and had a lovely chat with the first transvestite she ever met (we spent part of the night at a gay bar in Temple Bar). They headed back to the hotel at about 11.30-12 leaving the younger ones to go out clubbing.

Having said that, the hotel we were staying in central Dublin had three hen parties over from England for the same weekend and all those women had matching outfits with strap ons over their shorts and blow up dolls and that kind of thing. My mum did say she'd definitely not want to be seen dead with tat like that!

rimmer08 · 17/07/2009 14:31

i had both at mine and it was fine, mil left a bit early as it was a themed night out but if it was a proper getting pissed and gping clubbing night then i wouldnt invite either- i think it depends where u are going.

ninedragons · 17/07/2009 14:37

Fuck no. We were e'd off our faces, which is not something I want my mother to witness.

BitOfFun · 17/07/2009 14:39

No way. Unless it was a tea party or something. If I wanted to dress a playboy bunny though, maybe not...

< disclaimer: I would do neither >

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