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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums/ MILS on hen nights. Yay or nay?

42 replies

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 12:54

Another wedding related ethical dilemma!

Did you/ would you invite your mum and/ or your MIL on your hen night?

What are your general views on this practice?

I'm going on a small hen night soon and bride's mum will be there. If I'm honest I'd rather it was just 'the girls' as imo that would be more of a laugh and nobody would have to worry about being polite, looking after Mrs B etc, but obviously is very much the bride's choice so I will enjoy it for what it is.

I love my own maw very very dearly but would rather stick forks in my face than try to mix her with my friends on a girls night out. As for MIL, again lovely person but I have v little really in common with her and suspect that she'd feel she'd have to say yes out of politeness but wouldn't actually want to be there anyway.

So: in general, is this just another pointless bit of wedding etiquette that everybody goes along with because they feel they should, or should mums and MILS be included (and have their generational needs catered to) on hen nights?

OP posts:

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 14:41

I heard that stags and hens had been banned from Temple Bar etc? Is this true?

Totally agree re the tat. I live in Edinburgh so it's as bad here.

Why do they always look that that Welsh estate agent off Homes Under the Hammer.

OP posts:

frAKKINPannikin · 17/07/2009 14:43

Not to the drinking/bar-hopping bit.

I'm having a very sedate spa do to which mother, MIL, sister, SIL, aunts, godmother and carefully chosen and briefed close friends are all invited.

Then my dear best friend is organising a different 'real' hen night. This will definitely involve drinking, lewd behaviour and probably strippers. Mother and MIL are definitely barred!

LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune · 17/07/2009 14:43

I didn't have a hen night but if I had both mum and mil would have been invited. Firstly because I like their company, secondly they know most of my friends and so would be relaxed in their company and thirdly because my hen do would have been a very sedate bbq with lots of Pimms.

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 14:49

ooh that sounds lush Libra!

I should say, my mum is actually the opposite of the old fashioned type. She's too far the other way, ie she gets upset if people want to talk about house prices instead of Barack Obama. She's so 'down with the kids' that she thinks we're all rubbish at being kids and should loosen up.

And she can't hold back if somebody says something she doesn't agree with politically. And beleive me, you can say something political in front of my mum without even being aware you're doing it.

If I wanted my friends to be slapped in the face with the Guardian's womens page I'd do it myself (and they wouldn't have to be polite and indulge me).

OP posts:

Caitni · 17/07/2009 16:47

MorrisZapp sadly the hens/stags aren't banned in Temple Bar...although since we had fun at my sister's there that sounds v hypocritical of me . The most we had was a feather boa and some bits and bobs for the hen but was otherwise a lovely night of posh cocktails at the Clarence, dinner and a gradual descent into drunkeness!

To be honest, my own hen was in Edinburgh as my best friend lives there and was again a fairly sedate affair (cocktails, dinner) that ended up as a night of drunken hilarity but there was a strict no raunchy tat rule (my best friend does live there after all!).

Original poster

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2009 17:23

I'm struggling a bit because my friend has said she doesn't like raunchy tat etc but I wonder if she really means I don't like raunchy tat normally but I'm only a hen once so I want you to read between the lines and get me it anyway...!! I just don't know.

I've got her a posh 'bride' brooch that almost looks like real jewellery That's as far as I think I can go.

OP posts:

earlyriser · 17/07/2009 17:29

Both my mum and mil went, mum went home early when she'd had enough, mil was last woman standing and had to be dragged away from the 20 year old boys

jemart · 17/07/2009 17:32

Both came to my hen night, but then I am not really one for clubbing so it was just going out for a nice meal and a few drinks.

My sister is having multiple hen nights, one to include Mums and other female relatives and one thats just for her friends.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/07/2009 17:43

depends on the mum and mil

best thing is to have a roaringly drunk one with girls and a then nice meal with mum/mil and oldies

allaboutme · 17/07/2009 17:52

I wouldnt but been to both sil's do's recently and they both did. v odd. but totally up to the bride obviously

TeaOneSugar · 17/07/2009 17:54

The usual compromise around here is to start the evening with a nice meal, and then you pack the MIL/M off home in a taxi and move on with the main event.

They feel they've been included, but don't see anyone flashing their boobs at passing cars.

womblingfree · 17/07/2009 20:38

Thankfully neither my mum nor mil were remotely interested in coming on my hen night.

Both my BIL's partners came though - still not sure if either of them saw me copping off with me ex halfway through the evening....

womblingfree · 17/07/2009 20:39

Think that may have sounded weird - have 2 BIL's each with one partner (as far as I know anyway...!)

PatTheHammer · 17/07/2009 21:43

Both came on mine a few years ago, I even shared a room with my MIL!

It was great, they got the most wasted and were first/last on the dance floor. They also gamely took part in a game of 'I have never......' which resulted in me learning things I wish I never knew about my parents sex-life (clue: It involves a word that is much used on the relationships and friday night chat threads).

mumeeee · 17/07/2009 23:27

DD1's Chief bridesmaids ( yes she had 2 as she has 2 best friends from uni)organised her hen night. They had a bridal shower and buffet thing first ( DD1 didn't kmow what was happening but did know that there was some sort of hen night thing). Then they all went to a night club. I wenjt to the first part then went home and let the young people get on with the rest of the night.DD3 17 also came home as clubs are very strict around here and she wouldn't have got in. she was happy to do this.
So the ansewr is Mums and MILs don't have to go to the who;e hen night but it is nice to be invited to part of it.

nippersnappers · 17/07/2009 23:38

My MIL punched one of my dearest friends in the face at mine.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/07/2009 23:53

pat - thats must have been an interesting game

my mil is sweet, and obv she must of had sex at least 3 times to have dh, and his brother and sister

but cant imagine her having friday night chat!!

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