For thinking that DSS's achievement is not on the same scale as DS's?

[BingBangBaby]

Earlier this year, DSD got awarded player of the year at his rugby club. Great acheivement, we made a point of buying him a new outfit that he wanted and he got taken out to dinner.

Last week, my DS got awarded his black belt in karate. Something he'd been training for since the age of 7 and it was an all day physical exam as well as a theory paper.

I decided to buy him a new outfit and take him out to dinner. DH on the other hand things that his son should also come on the dinner AND be awarded another new outfit because his son got an attendance certificate at school today.

IMO, this totally devaluates DS's acheivement. He's worked for that belt for 7 years. Is it really unreasonable to want to award him with a special treat JUST FOR HIM? just like DSS got with the rugby thing?

Tut tut peachy! I am disappointed

Ok will tell the truth

I was mildly inclined to lift an eyebrow then became distracted

better?

Oh much much better! Almost poetic

I agree that children need time alone with their parents - step or not. I just think that this going out alone without the sibling to celebrate things is a mistake. Achievements should be recognized by everyone in the family - and it would be much easier for each of them to be pleased for the other if they are doing it while eating a gigantic pizza together!

YANBU. Your DH, on the other hand, is. DSS getting and DS not is a good way to start a lifelong problem. Blatant favouritism does that.

Might I suggest a slap around the back of DH's head, in the manner of a 1960's TV, to see if that will retune him?

we do a mix Seeker- if they have done something and we feel they are in need of a break we take the child to a local place that does fancy pancakes,ice cream sodas etc- if we take ne then we find a reason to take each of the other siblings over the next few weeks. But we also do lots of family celebrations and will on ocasion almost manufacture one just to alleviate a time of stress etc.

I think it's a good way to let the boys know that we value them as individuals and as a family unit.

YANBU, attendance certificate is nice, but I don't think it deserves a meal out or a new outfit.

Why not buy them each new outfits and tell them it's just because you love them and they're worth it. And all go out to dinner because you all like going out together.

All this pinning it on "if you acheive this, then you get that", creates the problem. Because it then becomes a competition; who is given what, whose acheivement is worth more, who is worth more (who is loved more).

They're both worth the same, just for being themselves, your children (step or otherwise). It sounds like they need to know this from you.