Am I or is DH

[starzzz]

Got one for the MN Jury.

As basic story as I can give - my mom wanted away from my dad, and so my DH offered for her to come and stay with us, for as long as it took for her to get her own place sorted.

She found a place within a month and moved out. My DH helped her move by driving the removal van and helping move all her stuff (from about an hour away) He help her move her stuff in etc, and then spent the next few weeks getting stuff from various freecyclers that she need in her flat (fridge, cooker and a few bits)

Most of the stuff my mom has in her house is second hand, nearly everything really, apart from a carpet cleaner, which she bought brand new, and cost her a fortune.

now the AIBU bit.... My DH asked if he can borrow the machine. My mom said she would rather clean the carpets herself, as if the machine breaks while she is using it, then she can only blame herself, whereas if it gets broken while we are using it, she will have been gutted that it wasnt her using it IYKNIM. Anyway...when I told my DH this, he totally freaked as he has done so much for her and now he feels she cant even lend him one machine.

I think if she wants to come do it herself then fair enough, he is saying im taking her side in things as usual. Its turned into a big row, and here we are.

What do you guys think??

thanks

[starzzz]

I would offer to pay for it, DH Would be pissed off if i did though.

It is that she owes him one... his exact words to me were "after all ive done for her, she wont even lend me one machine"

Im not taking sides.... well i didnt think i was, i just dont see what the big deal is, im sure if he wanted to use her toaster it would be fine with her!

[proverbial]

I think they are both being a bit unreasonable to be honest.
She should lend him the machine. He should be careful with it and replace it if he broke it.
On balance though, he is the one that is blowing it all out of proportion, shes going through a hard time and is allowed to be a bit unreasonable, he should suck it up IMO.

I do know how he feels though, having an oddly similar experience. Friends of mine were coming home after living abroad, and I found them a flat to rent, sourced freecycled cots, sofas, washing machine and picked them up, helped clean the place, organise etc etc. 2 weeks later asked to use their very fancy carpet cleaner...they said no! And didn't offer to clean my carpets either. I was mightily pissed off I can tell you. What is it with carpet cleaners?

[Chulita]

FWIW carpet cleaners aren't all they're cracked up to be anyway (IME of course)

[Stigaloid]

I think you and your mum are being totally unreasonable. He has done so much for her and she can't lend him a machine to clean carpets in case he breaks it. How exceptionally selfish. even if he did break it she still owes him big time for the time and effort he has invested in her and her problems. I'm not surprised he is offended not surprised his is upset with you for taking her side.

[Lovesdogsandcats]

Your mum IBU - very.

You should back up dh and ask her why she feels she cannot trust him. After all he's done as well! I would be pissed off too, don't blame him.
Its a new machine anyway and should not break if being used correctly - if it does, she can get it replaced under the 12 month guarantee .

[starzzz]

thanks for all your messages, helped me put things in perspective. Ive agreed she was being unreasonable, and so was I to have "sided" with her.

DH and I have talked and both apologised to each other, and im going to ask again to borrow the machine, without her help. DH has agreed to fix or replace the machine if we do break it.

Hopefully I wont be sleeping alone again tonight

thanks again

[Tortington]

i'd sack it and pay £60 - tell mum to shove it up her arse - how old are you 3 that you aren't allowed to use a carpet cleaner

stupid bint

[skidoodle]

It's pretty funny that she trusted him fine with all her stuff when she wanted him to be her free removal man, but now he's too much of a risk to be lent a carpet cleaner.

Glad you and your DH have sorted it out.

[Pitchounette]

Message withdrawn

[mumeeee]

Your Mum is being unreasonable.