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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to go to any M&T groups because...

62 replies

godzillasbumcheek · 14/07/2009 21:05

I am so fed up with not being able to break into the groups there? I get maybe a few sentences in at best, but last time i was hardly spoken to at all.

I think it's possibly because i don't go regularly enough, for various reasons, but when it's like that i wonder why i bother going ever.

Thing is, DD (she's 2.7) does enjoy it - she likes to play with the different toys they have, and loves the singing, but she doesn't really interact with anyone. Am i passing on my social inadequacy onto her?

Ok perhaps this doesn't belong in AIBU, more like...Am I A Socially Rubbish Parent and Should I Find Another Way to Get My Child to Socialise?

OP posts:

Meglet · 14/07/2009 21:49

YANBU. The one I go to is nice (but I've been going for over 2 years so i recognise everyone). But I only talk to about 3 other mums, I find it hard to chat with 'strangers' as the kids all make so much noise it's hard to get to know people. Come to think of it 2 of the mums I talk to I know from outside the group and one of the other mums is actually a grandma, so she's not the gossipy type. I've been quite lazy really.

jemart · 14/07/2009 21:50

I made the mistake of taking dd to one of these groups when 8 months pregnant with dd2, I was politely ignored by the other mums there. Then made to feel worse by dd misbehaving and preferring to run around doing her own thing rather than joining in with the others. Being ever so hormonal and emotional I took it personally and vowed never to return.

chegirl · 14/07/2009 21:50

godzilla I am sure we would . I dont mind people asking about DD (within reason, demanding gory details doesnt go down very well) but its a bit when strangers start crying! Its happened a few times and it makes me feel guilty!

Also more than happy to chat about adoption. Am NOT happy to give out personal details as in 'eww was he sexually abused then?'. This has also happened a fair few times

Another thing that is a bit difficult round my way - I am at least 10 years older than the other mums, sometimes over 20. Not that I have got anything against mums younger than me . It just seems so weird sometimes when I am double the age of someone sat next to me!

jemart · 14/07/2009 21:52

Yanbu, not at all.

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 21:59

You're only 8 years older than me chegirl! And my sisters are older than you, so 8 years would seem like nowt

Should i have been more opinoinated opinionatedthen and had as my OP...

"AIBU - is it me or are M&T groups sh*t?"

OP posts:

dizzydixies · 14/07/2009 22:03

I stopped going to ours too as felt exactly the same way - they all seemed to know each other, the CMs sat on one side and the mothers on the other - it was like a stroppy teenage school disco

won't even bother my arse with DD3 when she comes of age, am going to be selfish and have her all to myself when her sisters are at school/nursery etc

chegirl · 14/07/2009 22:10

Ha nowt to you Godzilla but I am on the verge of death to some of the kids other mums round here!

There is a play group that I went to for a while. It was the only chance I got to see a couple of mates in the week. Last time I went it was awful. There were three distinct groups - the white uk , born ere, grown up ere, move to Bilericky when I am 35 lot, the Shri lankan (sp) mums and the white, eastern european mums. None of them went anywhere near the others. It had been a bit cliquey a few weeks previously but by this time is was horrible. Really segregated and the atmosphere was nasty.

Shant be going back there again.

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:11

It wasn't the cliquey-ness that was just the problem, as i have spoken to some of them in the past. In fact i think it was the lack of communal seating, and the noise.

It felt like there was about 10 different directions that loud people and toy noise was coming from, and i just started thinking

"i want to leave i want to leave i want to leave i want to leave!" So because i couldn't get to the buggy i just played with DD until it was time to go!

OP posts:

Merle · 14/07/2009 22:19

My mum used to look after my son on a Friday and I encouraged her to go to the M&T group in our village. She went for a few months and always said that she spent the whole time sat on her own, whilst everyone else chatted amongst themselves. We thought that it was because my mum was older. Then one week when I was off work I went down myself. I thought it was awful - cliquey, boring; pointless waste of a morning.

After that my mum and my son spent Fridays at our local museum. They went to the supermarket and bought picnic stuff and then spent the rest of the day looking at interesting things. The museum is not stuffy and it is free. By the time my son was 3 he had his favourite exhibits - things he still remembers at age 6. My mum remembers this time fondly.

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:27

Oh i soooo am easily led.

So far i would like to take DD to the park (several great parks around here - one which is good for ducks and grass, one good for swings and slide etc, sadly none with both!), to a playdate (for which i have to make some actual friends), to a soft play area (not sure where a good one is around here), and to some of the Surestart sessions to see which i like!

OP posts:

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:28

But there are no museums around here merle. Otherwise that would be great!

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 14/07/2009 22:30

Godz I just looked at your profile to see where abouts you are, nice to see in this dimension

lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 22:32

I think it is worth persisting but I only really made friends at these groups by helping set up and clear up. Those people who do that every week immediately like you for mucking in.

Two of my best mates now I picked up just like that.

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:36

Littleboyblue...lol i forgot i'd put that!

grimsby if it's any help!

OP posts:

littleboyblue · 14/07/2009 22:40

Just thought I'd check incase you were near me, we could have met, but your not, so we can't (I'm by heathrow)

lisad123 · 14/07/2009 22:41

i work at a CC, and I often ask parents if they want company when first atttending groups and will often ask another parent to make coffee, ect for new parents. It is worth going again, but hard work, could take a friend along??

Chegirl would love to meet you one day, and promise I wont cry, shame on them!

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:43

No friend to take, lisad123!

(Get the violins out)

OP posts:

oneopinionatedmother · 14/07/2009 22:43

parks are great, we go every day. sometimes there is another parent & kids, sometimes you get a nice conversation, sometimes no-one else is there....

it's nice because, well, it's free!
also i choose the time which avoids cutting short their nap in order to get there (like i have to to get to toddler group) which results in them being royal pains in the arse overtired.

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:49

LOL...and the best thing is i can take her on any day of the week and at any time of day...and if it's too sunny for me (headache trigger) i can go there for a shorter time and then take her somewhere indoors (or to see her Nana).

OP posts:

lisad123 · 14/07/2009 22:49

where are you? if your in herts could suggest some lovely places
no friends, oh dear you must really smell

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 22:51

Not in Herts. Grimsby.

I do wonder if i'm a bit whiffy! But i think it's just the lack of knowing what to say - and a tendency to say exactly the wrong thing. Need someone with thick skin and an odd sense of humour.

OP posts:

lisad123 · 14/07/2009 22:53

that would be me Im have a dry sense of humor. Shame, but keep trying, you'll get there,

Gracie123 · 14/07/2009 22:59

Haven't read all the posts, but inclined to agree with the first few.

We have found a lovely mums and tots group a couple of villages away, but the one in our town is horrible. Despite badgering me in the street to go, when I get there they are so antisocial and rude. Not to mention the fact that kids are left to run riot and injuries are frequent.

I think structured play (sign & rhyme etc) is sooooo much better at this age, and makes it easier to feel less socially awkward, as the ice was broken when you first learned and repeated the sign for old macdonalds pig!

Original poster

GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 23:00

Lol...no i really mean it, an odd sense of humour. Like, making a totally not funny in retrospect joke about skeletons on Father's Day (my Dad died a fair few years ago). Odd. Although that was at the height of my most bizarre i think. I'm not ususally quite that odd.

OP posts:

Merle · 14/07/2009 23:01

There is the National Heritage Fishing Museum, apparently. That would be a blast...

I'd rather go there than endure another M&T group and I live the other end of Yorkshire.

Grimsby must have a library, surely? I bet they do pre-schooler's sessions.

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