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AIBU?

Not to go to any M&T groups because...

62 replies

godzillasbumcheek · 14/07/2009 21:05

I am so fed up with not being able to break into the groups there? I get maybe a few sentences in at best, but last time i was hardly spoken to at all.

I think it's possibly because i don't go regularly enough, for various reasons, but when it's like that i wonder why i bother going ever.

Thing is, DD (she's 2.7) does enjoy it - she likes to play with the different toys they have, and loves the singing, but she doesn't really interact with anyone. Am i passing on my social inadequacy onto her?

Ok perhaps this doesn't belong in AIBU, more like...Am I A Socially Rubbish Parent and Should I Find Another Way to Get My Child to Socialise?

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GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 23:02

££££££££££££££3

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GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 23:03

The 3 on the end was a typo

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GodzillasBumcheek · 14/07/2009 23:04

We have a few libraries - i've been to the groups they hold. V. noisy, also same problem with not being able to go every week.

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toddlerama · 14/07/2009 23:22

I hate these things. We don't go. No-one will talk to me and it seems to be because I'm not local enough. My family have lived here for 15 years, but I went to school elsewhere and everyone else went to the same secondary school

I totally agree that parenting in public is embarrassing and I never know whether to pounce and stop any snatching etc. or leave it and let the kids work it out. I get paranoid that everyone thinks I am a naff mum.

My DD got shoved over by a 4 year old when she was 18 months old and he nicked her car. She was absolutely fine about it but I was gutted. It seems I am too sensitive to be allowed to watch her out in public. I also get upset if she tries to talk to older kids (just babble to them) and they ignore her. I know I'm a knob. I try not to let her see.

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GodzillasBumcheek · 15/07/2009 08:51

LOL @ i know i'm a knob

I have tried (unsuccessfully) to withhold from DTD1 and 2 for years that i am a socially inept weirdo, but they seem to think it's cool anyway.

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girlsyearapart · 15/07/2009 08:59

You do see some sights though! at the m and t group i went to yesterday there was a woman wearing stockings and suspenders! With pink bows.. (not on their own-you could see when her dress rode up whilst picking up her child) Anyway it made me laugh..

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jennymac · 15/07/2009 09:26

I started going when I had ds as dd was 2 and was used to nursery so I felt she needed the interaction. The first few times I hated it as it was very cliquey and I felt like the new girl (unusual for me as I am pretty confident and generally good at situations where I don't know anyone). I used to phone my dh on the way home moaning about how awful it was and he used to tell me to stop going but I persevered anyway and eventually started to make friends and enjoy it. Now I am back to work 4 days a week and love going to M & T on my day off.

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cat64 · 15/07/2009 13:56

This reply has been deleted

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smallorange · 15/07/2009 14:04

Why don't you take a newspaper and let the little one play happily while you have a cuppa and a read?

I've been known to do this, and I also ran a toddler group for a while, and I am beyond caring what other people think.

Also I think there are many different toddler group cultures - some I couldn#t cope with, particularly the one where I was asked if I was a parent or a nanny and when replying that I was a parent, was told 'oh the mothers are over there and the nannies tend to go over there,' (pointing to a distant corner!)

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JemL · 15/07/2009 14:04

YANBU

I went to a mother and baby group when DS was born. It was lovely for a few weeks, and then a large group of women who had all been to a course of "First Time Mums" sessions at the local health centre organised by health visitors all started coming together - it became really cliquey, people who had been going started to drop out and when new people came, they only seemed to come once or twice. I tried really hard to chat to everyone, but they so weren't interested - it was just another activity for them to do as a group (they had things organised for virtually every day, and an e-group as well)

The pathetic thing is, I hadn't bothered going to these HV sessions becuase it was too hot and I couldn't be arsed, but I found myself wishing I had!!

By the time DS was a toddler, he was with a childminder and taking part in loads of activities with other kids, so I felt absolved from having to make an effort by going to M&T groups, and instead just did stuff together or with a friend.

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Jude68 · 18/07/2009 09:55

When DD2 was first born it coincided with us moving to a new town and I was feeling really anxious, jittery and with a touch of PND in the background. I sought out a local toddler group and went along with my double buggy containing 6 wk old and 20 month old.
The ladies who ran it were lovely and for those first difficult weeks Wednesday's became a Godsend. People cooed over my baby, played with my toddler whilst I sat and had a coffee and a rest. I went every week which helped me get chatting to the regulars,
We are moving back to SE London (Plumstead) next month and already I am looking into toddler groups. Even if no one speaks to you it's a change of scene from the house and you can always get down on the mats with the kids.
They are also cheap or free (although I have yet to try The Slade Community Hall Surestart one which is our nearest...are they really rough?)which is good as we cannot afford softplay sessions every week for two kids and as the weather gets worse, swing parks lose their appeal.
I have been ignored at one which was a shame as it was one of the better ones for toys/activities but i went for DD1's sake..she loved it. She's 2.5 yrs now..almost ready for pre-school and loves seeing other kids a similar age.
Maybe I'm just thick-skinned but i'll give any a try..what's the worst that can happen? You waste a couple of boring hours of your life? Generally your tot usually has a good time regardless.

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Jennidots · 18/02/2010 16:13

Gosh, just searching through threads as quite new to using mumsnest...I can't believe there are other people out there who felt the same about M&T groups. I am totally surprised by this as I thought it was just me. But the alternative for me is sitting about at home which can be equally soul destroying at times. I work 4 days a week leaving fridays...I do now actually haul myself to a group which is ok and know a couple of people. But if were not for these people I dare say I would be indoors....or going out somewhere when weather is good. It's a bit lonely though.