Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be furious my DD1's friends parent cut chewing gum out of her hair and didn't tell us?

78 replies

MamaHarman3 · 14/07/2009 10:43

My darling DD1 went to her friends sister's birthday party on Saturday and this morning I discovered she'd had a piece of her hair cut to remove chewing gum she'd got stuck. We don't allow her to have gum at home as this has happened before with hair and carpet however I appreciate she was at a party and wasn't going to decline the offer. It turns out she'd put the gum behind her ear (!?!?) and then the inevitable happened. She said they tried to remove it but couldn't so cut it out.

Nobody told us and when putting her hair up for school today I noticed this short piece by her ear.

As the story unfolded, her Dad and I became more and more furious that someone had cut our childs hair without our knowledge or permission and that she'd not told us, claiming she'd forgotten.

She's meant to be going to their house after school but we've put a stop to that and now need to broach the subject with them.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ninedragons · 14/07/2009 11:04

Move to Singapore if you're so determined to prevent an encounter between your DD and chewing gum.

YABU. They had no option. It's not like they gave her buzz cut all over.

Tamarto · 14/07/2009 11:05

They were in the middle of a party, i think they had enough on their plate.

ingles2 · 14/07/2009 11:05

well as your dd is 8 it's a serious over reaction I'm afraid.
Did the parents even know they were having gum or was it a sneaky party thing?
I wouldn't even mention it to the parents, but if you have to,.. make it a jokey thing, otherwise they'll think you're a complete loon....
If you don't want your dd to have chewing gum, I suggest you tell her it's forbidden whether she is at home, or at party.

seeker · 14/07/2009 11:07

It's only a bit of hair - why should she have told you?

NeedaNewName · 14/07/2009 11:08

Get a grip! Furious - what about?

What would you have liked for them to do? Leave it in the hair so more got entangled?

OK so maybe they should have mentioned it to you, but its not like someone died here or broke a limb etc etc. its a bit of hair behind the ear (not the whole damn lot) and it will grow back.

Your DH also needs to grow up - your poor children

thederkinsdame · 14/07/2009 11:09

YABU - better that they cut it out than left it to get stuck to more hair. Would you have been happy if they'd left it and she had come home with a matted mess in her hair and needed a grade 2 to get rid of it all? I think I would be happy that the parents had taken swift action. I do think that they should have told you though, but in the midst of a busy party, something so minor could easily not be communicated.

TrinityRhino · 14/07/2009 11:09

I'm with seeker

dd1 probably would have told me but not urgently

she is 9 and is allowed chewing gum but if that had happened I weould expect the person in charge at the time to deal with it

louii · 14/07/2009 11:15

YABVU
God i would be glad they cut it out before even more hair got caught up in it.

Original poster
MamaHarman3 · 14/07/2009 11:15

TrinityRhino - I would no doubt have done the same and cut the gum out however I'd expect a phone call to explain what had happened and what they were doing.

Furious is probably the wrong word, more annoyed that I had to find out about it myself. She knows this has happened before yet thought it was a good idea to put it behind her ear.

Do you think I shouldn't mention it to them then? We've effectively grounded her hence no playdates.

OP posts:
juuule · 14/07/2009 11:17

Massive over-reaction.
And I can't understand why your dd has been grounded.

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 14/07/2009 11:18

I think if you say anything, you run the risk of them staring at you a little oddly and keeping their head down as they walk past you in the street !

Tamarto · 14/07/2009 11:20

Really you'd expect a phone call in the middle of a party?

You still aren't sure if the parents even knew at this point!

ingles2 · 14/07/2009 11:21

Why is she grounded?

Chaotica · 14/07/2009 11:21

Grounding her sounds overly strict. She's done a dumb thing and hasn't told you. But she could have done much worse (played in the road? etc)

(The parent might not have called because they were exhausted.)

I don't think it's wrong to be annoyed about her getting gum in the first place though.

Original poster
MamaHarman3 · 14/07/2009 11:21

It's more about the fact they didn't tell us - wouldn't really want them to leave it in.

Wow, can't believe how strong some of the reactions are, should I question myself as a mother?

I'm relatively new to Mumsnet - this is my first thread - but really value your opinions

OP posts:
saintlydamemrsturnip · 14/07/2009 11:22

"however I'd expect a phone call to explain what had happened and what they were doing."

Good grief. Really? For a little bit of hair. You have grounded her - for what? Your poor dd. If you overreact this badly to such tiny pieces of news (not trauma, news) then I suspect your dd will try to keep everything from you. I would if I was her. "Mum I have a hole in my sock" "right that's it you are grounded until xmas." FGS

I am actually doing this:

I think you should confront the parents - it will give them something to laugh about that evening. Honestly if someone 'confronted' me about this I would have to ring all my friends to tell them.

seeker · 14/07/2009 11:23

Why is she grounded?

Tamarto · 14/07/2009 11:23

AIBU probably isn't the best place to ease yourself in, opinions can be forceful.

Take it all with a pinch of salt, but really IMO don't be annoyed at the parents.

ingles2 · 14/07/2009 11:23

I think grounding her is a big mistake..... What consequences are you going to use if/when she does something that really requires it?
Ground her till she's 18?
What exactly has she done wrong? Had some gum... did she know it was expressly forbidden? or is this in retrospect?

MorningTownRide · 14/07/2009 11:25

In my experience hair grows back. I may be wrong.

I really can't understand why you are 'furious'.

You want to ground your daughter and speak to the parents about something as trivial as a couple of inches of hair?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 14/07/2009 11:25

YANBU they should have told you themselves - not relied on your DD to tell you.

Maybe you need to decide if chewing gum is fully banned or not.

rolledhedgehog · 14/07/2009 11:27

Are you one of those mums who think that girls should look pristine and perfect at all times? Is that why the missing hair is upsetting you so much?

saintlydamemrsturnip · 14/07/2009 11:28

I don't actually understand why you need to be told some hair has been cut off. I may be missing something. But it doesn't actually affect anything. It's not like you need to get it checked by a doctor.

I'm afraid it wouldn't come onto my radar as something that needed to be passed on as information in the middle of some chaotic party.

morningpaper · 14/07/2009 11:28

It's HAIR, in the scheme of things, this is really minor. When she is 12 she will hack it all off and dye it green to get her revenge.

No you don't need to question yourself as a mother! Just chill out a little and take a deep breath and get a bit of perspective. I'm amazed that people manage to have the correct number of children at the end of a party - a bit of panicked first-aid administered to a chewing-gum incident is very minor.

Why are you punishing your daughter? That part I am finding confusing. She is very very young!

Tidey · 14/07/2009 11:30

It sounds like it was just an accident. If your daughter isn't allowed gum, I can see why you'd be annoyed that they gave her it. My sister put gum behind her ear and it got stuck in her hair and my mother had to cut it out. All children who read Roald Dahl probably do it at least once. I think being furious with the parents and grounding your daughter is a massive overreaction to what is essentially a rather silly accident.