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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish MIL would stop going on about dd's blue eyes?

71 replies

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 13/07/2009 15:49

Dh and I both have dark hair and dark eyes. Ds has dark (ish - will probably get darker as he gets older) hair and dark eyes, and is the spitting image of his father, only more handsome, obviously.

Dd OTOH is a reddish blonde with blue eyes. She is utterly gorgeous (but then I would say that) but looks nothing like me or dh. Which, you know, is fine. But MIL is obsessed with her eye colour and keeps saying stuff like, "Ooh, if she keeps that colouring she'll be a stunner!" WTF? She'll be a stunner anyway you mad cow! Stop banging on about it, it doesn't matter what colour her eyes are!

I suppose I would be less irate if she'd said it once but she says it Every Fucking Time we see her (about twice a month). It's wearing, to say the least.

OP posts:
minouminou · 14/07/2009 13:17

I so know what you mean with the recessive genes!
DS is blond with blue eyes, mine are hazel, DP's are grey, and I have one blond gene and one dark gene (over simplification, but, ya know), whereas DP is ginger.
DS could only have blue or green eyes, and could only have blond or dark hair..............
To add to the confusion, both DS and, more recently DD, started off life looking oriental/eskimo-ey, with v dark hair and olive skin!
I've got used to people saying "But she's dark and DS is blond.....", and my response is "She'll blonde up....DS did".
Confused looks all round!

musicposy · 14/07/2009 14:15

At least you get compliments!

DH, along with all his family, has blue eyes. I have very dark brown. Both DDs have brown.

MIL, at every opportunity, especially when they were younger, used to say "of course, they're not one of us, they have brown eyes"

Once when we were talking about a third, she said, "well, there's no point for us, obviously you could have a hundred and they'd all be brown eyed"

I used to get really very upset - my girls are beautiful! But now it washes over me, it's her problem, not mine. But sad that because of it they don't really feel that the girls are on of their family.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/07/2009 14:17

music - that's horrible! Does she treat them differently to any other grandchildren because of their eye colour?

OP posts:
minouminou · 14/07/2009 14:37

Bleedin' 'ell, musicposy.
Is your MIL some kind of nazi?
A nazi with a poor grasp of genetics?

GibbonInARibbon · 14/07/2009 14:55

Oooohh UD I have been lurking a little recently after a long break! Congrats on your gorgeous DD

pranma · 14/07/2009 22:21

They are beautiful children,both absolutely gorgeous.

lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 22:36

they're both aDORable

she is a biffo for going on about it

she deserves that you ignore it but I know it's hard.

are you assertive? could say something like, "oh but don't you like ds's colouring as much? that's odd!!"

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 14/07/2009 22:39

LLL - I could say that, but it's like trying to pick a fight IYSWIM, and I don't want to. Given that ds is the spit of his dad I'd be surprised if she said, "Yes, I like dd's colouring so much better!"

She does have lovely colouring though, but we'd have been just as happy with a dark haired and dark eyes baby! I think MIL is cock-a-hoop cause dd is a girl, and MIL always wanted a girl.

It is nice that she's interested, and it's lovely that she's besotted with both her dgc, it's just tiresome when she repeats the same thing, over and over and over.......!

OP posts:
lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 22:52

my mil was dying for a gd too, just dying for one, she didn't have one herself she is besotted.
She is wonderful and thinks dd is perfect but doesn't think I am perfect......far from it......

she thinks I'm a minging biffo

but I am the keeper of her little peace of HEAVEN so she has to be nice to me too!!!!!!!!!!!

Manchesvertes · 14/07/2009 22:59

pmsl at "minging biffo"

and "keeper of her little piece of heaven"

that sent a genuine shiver down my spine

lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 23:06

actually that does sound VILE I apologise for that and I won't respect myself in the morning...

Actually they're in a massive strop with me (happens every few years or so..) so I'm a bit in a strop about them. They are perfect inlaws but occasionally are too controlling and then we have a little falling out and then it is all lovey dovey again. She doesn't really think I'm a total biffo, just terrible at looking after a home!!!! Slattern that sorta thing..

Manchesvertes · 14/07/2009 23:10

Gah, all MILs think that

they've just forgotten

mine is asharp-tongued miserly old baggage who RIPPED ds1 out of my arms without even bothering to make eye contact the first time she saw him

every time he does something "good" (she's in luck, he has Aspergers and is working at Y6 level in literacy/numeracy/science in Y1) it's HER genes that are responsible

she's not so possessive when it comes to the screaming tantrums about putting his shoes on or refusing to go out in the rain

but I am actually really fond of her, she loves my boys and makes me laugh, and she lives a long way away

lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 23:12

it's true, how can you not love someone who worships your children? It's hard not to love them isn't it?!

Manchesvertes · 14/07/2009 23:14

It really is

It's a really weird effect isn't it? She positively detested me when we were together before we got married, used to write dh long rambling poisonous letters calling me a harlot and an older woman (I'm 8 months older)

and I was bloody terrified of her

but since the boys have been here... they bring out the best in everybody, and we have discovered a bit of common ground in our evil sense of humour

and we gang up on dh

supersalstrawberry · 14/07/2009 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

piscesmoon · 14/07/2009 23:16

You may be a MIL yourself one day-it seems to me a MIL can never do anything right! Say something and it is always wrong-don't say anything and it is still wrong! Worshipping your DD isn't much of a crime!

lowlandlady · 14/07/2009 23:19

I love my mil too really. I hate it when there's a frost going on like at the moment. But we'll get over it we always do. I love her loads, she is good at all the things my mother was pretty rubbish at so all together (including my wicked stepmother who is fabulous at things neither m or mil are) I have a trinity of perfect motherhood with each one's strengths covering the others' weaknesses...
sigh.
Let's not dwell on their faults though....

Manchesvertes · 14/07/2009 23:23

my relationship with my own mother has irretriecably, permanently broken down - I think the sadness and thought-provoking nature of that has probably made me a bit more realistic about MIL

when it really comes down to it, we all want the same thing - good family relationships, happy healthy children

I think it's fine - and necessary - to blow off steam about her sometimes, and I'm sure she does the same with her friends - but it would take an awful lot to cause a real rift now. Very few people are really THAT bad

thumbwitch · 14/07/2009 23:23

I must admit I found it to be intensely irritating when everyone kept telling me how DS was lucky to have those lovely blue eyes; and once he was past 6m old, oh he'll have blue eyes for sure now.

I kept pointing out that it can take a long time, more than 1 year and in some cases several years for the eye colour to settle down.

I have grey eyes (which can sometimes look blue or green), DH has green eyes - there is blue in both our families but DS's eyes are getting progressively greyer. When I'm being rhapsodical, I say I have sea-coloured eyes, DS has sky-coloured eyes - they reflect what the sky is like.

I have settled down a bit about it now as it would appear my assertion that DS wasn't going to have blue eyes forever might be vindicated.

Satsuma1 · 14/07/2009 23:29

Unfortunately random, annoying comments from parents and PIL seem to be an unpleasant symptom of parenthood.

I try (unsuccessfully sometimes!) to try to see things from their point of view. They're besotted with their Grandchild and just want to shower them with compliments. Often they say the same thing, over and over again (think that might be due to age). It's very rarely said with malaise or the desire to irritate (although I completely understand it does!).

Very difficult, but unfortunately universal problem. I have bucket loads of sympathy for you, but sadly have to advise you to grin and bear it.

supersalstrawberry · 14/07/2009 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anniemac · 14/07/2009 23:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lazyemma · 15/07/2009 07:53

Christ on a bike! Get over yourself, worse things happen at sea.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 15/07/2009 08:03

lazyemma, not sure that was called for.

I know IABU, this was a bit of a lighthearted thread! Have you misplaced your sense of humour?

OP posts:
GlobesOculairesDansLeCiel · 15/07/2009 08:15

We'll all remember that if we ever do go to sea then

MILs have to be annoying, it's in the job description. MIL was convinced we would have a blonde, blue eyed child because all her children were. To this day she can't get over the fact that dd has light brown with a touch of red hair.

I really hate the way she swoops in to rescue dd when she falls or something, as if I am not there. When we visit, she totally takes her over. Hey ho, such is life. Just mutter something in your head at her. I tend to find something along the lines of 'get knotted witchy. Just because you look like Bruce Forsythe...' works a treat.