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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

reeeeeeally trying not to judge

71 replies

HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 10:50

I am 7 months pregnant so admittedly I am pretty full of spite and bile.
This morning on the bus I found the last seat in the priority seat section. A mum was sitting across from me in another with her at least 4/5 year old in a buggy next to her.

A man got on the bus who obviously needed a seat. I noticed she put her head down and starting reading her CHAT magazine, so I got up and offered my seat to him.
I moved over to stand next to her buggy and then she OH! offered me her seat. OK fair enough, although I only think she did it to save face after she realized that a pregnant woman had better manners than she had.

But moving on, her son was sitting in his buggy with a PSP totally engrossed. Mother totally engrossed in her mag.
The little boy finished his game and put his PSP down a bit and I could see what he was playing - Grand Theft Auto.

really, I try not to make judgments on parents, I know it's bloody hard to bring up kids, I have two and one on the way.
But honestly, GTA! What on earth is wrong with this woman!

I can let the seat thing go, the fact he outgrew his buggy a year ago, even the crap magazine choice (although my SIL is the promotions mgr for that mag),
but how can I not sit in judgment over letting her little one play that game.

The mind boggles.

OP posts:
VinegarTits · 10/07/2009 11:14

just spat my tea all over my keyboard

Will have to start reading Chat!

SusieDerkins · 10/07/2009 11:14
RumourOfAHurricane · 10/07/2009 11:15

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imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 10/07/2009 11:15

I do hate the whole bus seat giving uppy etiquette though. There have been times when i have felt i really should offer a seat to someone, but they have looked on the edge of that age when they would be mortally offended at the offer.

5inthebed · 10/07/2009 11:15

The only thing I would have judged was GTA. My ds2 is very large for his age height wise, plus he has SN and uses a SN buggy, so I can't judge on that.

Maybe you didn't look pregnant when sitting?

RumourOfAHurricane · 10/07/2009 11:15

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sherazade · 10/07/2009 11:17

does anyone else here wonder if soneone has gone and started a thread about them on MN everytime they sit on the bus?

Original poster
HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 11:18

5 - it wasn't me that needed a seat, I originally had one. She ignored an old man with a cane and I got up.
Only then and when I stood next to her son (in a maclaren, do they make mobility buggies?) did she offer me her seat, which I declined.

I admit I am horribly judgey when it comes to video games. I cannot understand how a parent wouldn't know what their 4 year old was playing. That's just shit lazy parenting.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 10/07/2009 11:19

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RumourOfAHurricane · 10/07/2009 11:19

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5inthebed · 10/07/2009 11:22

Sorry, I just meant maybe she didn't realise you were pregnant until you stood next to her. Maybe she thought you didn't have a reason to need the seat. Although at 7 months, I doubt it

ScummyMummy · 10/07/2009 11:23

I'm impressed that you are able to glance at a PSP screen and identify Grand Theft Auto. Do you play it a lot on your PSP?

Tamarto · 10/07/2009 11:23

GTA Is rated 18 i'm sure it's the one where you can beat up hookers and steal their money, just the kind of game you want your child playing. It's hardly cooking mama.

If she didn't know the content, it's still no excuse it's rated ffs!

Original poster
HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 11:24

Shineon - actually no, I didn't. as I said in my OP, I try hard not to judge people - really I do. I am hyper aware of how my face or noises could make someone feel. But I did feel awfully sorry for that little boy.

OP posts:
PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 10/07/2009 11:25

Ah until recently I was very anti judgey, now have given up and was following a right evil vcow around Asda as she was mean to her little girl, was about to tap her on the sholder and say 'you are hurting her doing that' she noticed my judgey pants stare (evil headmistress meets ann widdecombe) and stopped

Great result

sherazade · 10/07/2009 11:25

oh god i've become paranoid about it shineon.

I make sure dd2 is dressed according to the weather. that she is NOT drinking a fruitshoot. thankfully she doesn't know what video games her. she is nicely decked in charity shop/ebay bargains, nothing chavvy.
I tend to NOT let her suck on a lolly or self feed. i ignore mobile calls in case i look like a negligent , self indulgent shit.

admittedly, we breastfed a few times on the bus age 1-2 but i thought that was preferable to, and less thread-inspiring than her pulling my top off and saying 'give me that boob NOW'.

Original poster
HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 11:26

Scummy - "I'm impressed that you are able to glance at a PSP screen and identify Grand Theft Auto. Do you play it a lot on your PSP?"

I was stood over the little boy and when he put it down after finishing the game it has in BIG letters Grand Theft Auto.
But whatever, you can continue to think I am making it up.

OP posts:
weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:30

Maclaren do make larger buggies - in fact I think the Maclaren Major is the most commonly used.

Its a good bit bigger than a baby buggy though, higher up seat.

5inthebed · 10/07/2009 11:31

Weegie, the Maclaren Major is like a mini tank, I have one for DS2. Very sturdy though.

weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:33

I know! We have one!

Have to admit though that now we have dd2's wheelchair home for the summer holidays I have taken her out in that a few times as people are far less judgey on buses/in shops etc of a wheelchair than they are of even the Major.

katiestar · 10/07/2009 11:34

Putting a post up on 'Am I being unreasonable' does not sound to me like someone trying not to judge !

Firstly perhaps child was recovering from an illness , had problems with his legs etc -you just don't know so to judge IBU

Secondly Don't know much about GTA but many many parents let their kids play cert 18 games and have to say their children don't seem any the worse for it.I remember on Child of our time a 4 yr old who spent hours a day playing halo and he was the most lovely caring , sociable little boy.The argument violent games/toy guns etc cause violence in children is out of date.The latest advice (for reception children which is where I work) is that playing guns is fine now.

Original poster
HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 11:35

thanks for the info weegie - I will definitely keep it in mind next time I see a big kid in a buggy.

OP posts:
Original poster
HollyBunda · 10/07/2009 11:37

well, katiestar, I guess I don't agree that a 4/5 year old playing a game where he can beat up and murder his 'date'(hooker) and drive drunk and leave a trail of bloody footprints behind after he has murdered someone isn't having a negative impact on him somehow.

OP posts:
PinkTulips · 10/07/2009 11:41

dd is 4 and plays GTA on dp's playstation

she loves it and she's incredibly clever at working out how to do things in the game... it amazes us how good her hand eye co-ordination is and how she can figure out how to do quite complex things in it.

dp turns the sound down as although i'm not pushed about the swearing the violant speech is a bit much. she found the gun once and was very amused by 'making flashes'.

i don't see how it's any differant than being the robber in a game of cops and robbers and it does encourage her to reason, use hand eye co-ordination and that if she steals thing the cops will catch her

weegiemum · 10/07/2009 11:41

Glad to help HB. I try not to get annoyed but when I have had comments from everywhere to the school gate to the supermarket to the bus about my big girl in a buggy I get tetchy! Sorry!

Totally agree on GTA though. I really thing games/dvds etc have a certificate for a reason (though our kids are often allowed to watch a '12' we have previously seen if it is only bad language - cos they know they will never get to see another one if we catch them sweearing. Ds is 7. His current favourite is 'Independence Day'!!)