To Think We Are

[Aeschylus]

Heading for a generation where Relationships are Disposable

Dont get me wrong I am no Fuddy Duddy, I am not afraid of change, but having again meeting the 4th man in my DW's Sisters life, she has a 12 year old, how the hell is he ever going to grow up into a stable relationship when as soon as he gets close to another Step Dad they leave (not always the mans fault)

Having heard last night the saddest stastitic I have heard in a long while.

1 in 4 chrildren NEVER know their biological Father. 25% FFS

55% of chrildren no longer live with both their Biological Parents.

if you split or change partner whilst your Child is between the ages of 9 to 12 it does irrepable damage to the child.

I am stunned at those stats.

Aeschylus, for a star the statistics include all those children who do not know that they do not know their bio father, secondly it iuncludes those whos father buggered orf and never returned, those whos fthers died, just saying 1/4 with no qualification is misrepresenting and no, not all of those children will be asking. A fair few will also know all they can about daddy, some may even have had the opportunity to meet him and decided not to.

This is why statistics are misleading and dangerous.

Looking at my own family history (urban working class) for the last 200 years, there were more 'nuclear' families than otherwise. Of course there were plenty of stepfamilies too, but the majority were mum, dad and several hundred children all living together in the same slum.

omg, you are so full of shit - no, they wont, well at least my DD has gotten to be 19 and hasn't once asked me about her father. I think i have mentioned him once. She has her "daddy" that would be my DP.

I am pleased that your life is so perfect that you can go around judging others, but really, i think you should find something a little more constructive to do with your time.

Also, The "wright stuff" isn't going to be something i would waste my intellect on.

Cory, thanks for your info on actual social history, that was very interesting. I think that social pressures are what lay behind the fragile state of the family, not peoples morals or lack of.

I appreciate that you do not need to be the Bio Dad to be a good Dad, but it is human nature for us to wonder, and I expect a large percentage of those Kids who never see their Bio Dad will when they get older go looking. wont they?

@ imaynotbe

I am only saying the stats I heard, I appreciate it is a inflammatory statement, but stats none the less are all around us, I am not Judging anyone. but i would disagree that these Kids wont bother about the Bio Dads, some wont but some will

Yeah, they might just do that - and the problem is?

You are clearly very niave if you believe these statistics that are churned out on daytime TV programs. The thing is, statistics are actually very complicated. And by their complicated nature you can make them say whatever you like. There are a whole barrage of mathematical tests and formulas that have to be applied to statistics in order for them to be considered "statisticaly significant" i doubt that the "wright stuff" researchers have bothered tbh.

How were these conclusions arrived at? National census? Phone in? Because i am pretty sure that no where is there written anything about my DD not knowing her biological father. Yeah, her birth certificate might say father unknown (oh the shame of it!) but who's to say that proves she doesn't know who her father is.

So tell me - what do you think the reason is for this scourge upon our society and what do you think should be done about it? Mandatory abortion if the father is not involved? Divorce made illegal leaving vulnerable women to stay in abusive relationships. Perhaps we should go back to the days when women should just put up and shut up eh?

You are either 65 and bored or 19 and bored.

I was adopted at three months old and have no interest in my "real" Daddy, ta

I believe I have been 'irreparebly damaged' by my parents not splitting up.

Those stats are a crock of shit to be frank.

My daughter has never known her father and couldn't care less. Neither have I come to think of it and ditto.

That's a load of old shite.

I am Niave, and I am sorry I do beleive it is better that a child is bought up by both parents.

That is my feelings, not saying they are right or wrong. When I met my DW and Kids were talked I openly said to her that once we had a child I am a strong beleiver in staying together.

However on the flip My DW's family split when she was 11, and she said that they argued and was happy they split.

so yes if it makes me Naive to feel I want my DS to have both parents together and not walk away the first time a Marriage may hit a sticky patch, then I make no apoligies for that.

it is also worth remembering that only last year one of the Conservaties Manifesto pledges was that all couple had to go through a Mandatory 6 months councelling before they would be granted a divorce.

so clearly I am not the only one who believes in the Family Unit... why is it so wrong?

I don't think that whether a child has both bio parents at home is irrelevent. i do think it matters whether the parent has numerous partners.

I cannot stand to see women at the school gates turn up with various different men.

by all means date but don't introduce them to your children until its an established stable relationship.

Now you are going from niave to obtuse!

I too believe that it is better to have a child brought up by two loving parents, absolutely. I think most of us agree with that sentiment.

The trouble is, we don't live in utopia where everything is perfect and pretty and lovely. We live in a world of increasing financial pressure, we also live in a world of abusive partners. Of course if you think it is better for a child to be bought up by two parents no matter what (as in, even if the father is an alcoholic pig who beats on his wife regularly) then you stay in your little bubble.

Also, most people dont walk away when their marriage hits a sticky spot - most people work at it, for some, thankfully it works out, for others they feel it is better to split than to expose their children to constant bickering and unhappiness. DP and I have been through a very rough patch and we have worked to stay together, for the sake of our children and the sake of "us". Thankfully for us, things are working out and we are a happy family.

Family at all costs?? No thankyou.

I basically agree with what you say, but your posts come across as judgemental and niave.

Aeschylus, most of the people answering on this thread are not going to be weak people who walked away "the first time a Marriage hit a sticky spot". They are either people like me, who have no personal experience but like accurate facts, or they are strong people who have done the best for their dcs under difficult conditions.

In my own extended family, our records go back a long time and as far as I can work out there have never been so many children brought up by their fathers as in the present generation. Though to be fair to previous generations, I don't think there was a single instance where children did not know their father because that was the mother's preference. What are you supposed to do when your husband dies suddenly, or walks out because you've discovered that he has another son of the same age as yours and a different household down the road?

God, you're a Tory too. [yawn].

yeah, great idea - another six months for them to bicker argue and upset the children even more . I knew there was a reason that i could never quite bring myself to vote conservative.

Marketing geek delurking with some statistics:

According to ONS Census data, 27% of children under sixteen live in a household where one of the biological parents is non-resident.

This is significantly different to 25% of children "never knowing their biological father".

Also, it does not imply that 27% of children are growing up in single-parent families, or have no contact with their father. It simply that one biological parent is non-resident.

Most importantly, it does not imply that 27% of children are growing up with substandard families.

I bet you read the Daily Mail too, go on - admit it!!

What about gay couples then? I bet you would have those shot!

Will having had split aprents necessarily cause a downturn in relationships?

BIl's aprents split horribly when he was @ 12 9was very drawn out) and he is massively pro-family unit as a result, took him years to marry sister as needed to be sure.

Don't go around beleiveing all you se on The Wright Stuff, they are about as liberal these days as Jeremy Kyle is gentle

6 months counselling is bollocks; who'd pay for ti (ahrd enough for the mentally ill to get counselling- years waiting list here for Psych list) and fore very disposable marriage type I know 9actually none) I can think of a few who'd be better off running- some in exceptionally abusive relationships.

I'm glad I have my DH and I hope wel always raise our boys together, I think we will. But there is more than one model of a successful family and the key factor is love not genetics

ah, benandbeckysmum - the voice of reason!

anyway divorce rules are the wrong alley- most parents that slit never mrried anyway

My aprents fought all through my childhood,there was extreme violence also

I tried to pay my Mum to leave- she never did

Dad is now sober and theyre happy but absolutely for us kids it would have been better nbot to be exposed to that!

And what do you do during those 6 months of counselling to keep your children safe from a violent abusive spouse?