To expect this friendship to end?

[mrsruffallo]

Do you think that it's possible to be friends with someone who has a completely different parenting style to your own?
I met up with a friend who I haven't seen for years recently. She has had a child who is now 3.
She uses stairgates, reins, the whole caboodle.
Poor kid can't run down the street or eat anything without washing hands first.

She used to be such a free spirit!
Am I wrong to feel differently about her?

lol and showing my ignorance what is tummy time?

What exactly is the whole caboodle? I'd love a stairgate, and my daughter has one of those backpacks with a lead because sometimes, in some situations, that's the best way to keep her safe.

Does that mean I'm automatically part of this caboodle club? When she's not walking, she's tied to my back and I've rarely ever used a pushchair because I'm a committed baby-carrier, which actually, I think, would make me part of a different club with a different caboodle, wouldn't it? As would the fact that she is nearly two and still breastfeeding, maybe?

The thing is, the free spirit approach doesn't work for every child. Mine is a nutter who has to be restrained for her own safety, despite my tendency to some of the more hippy parenting choices.

Maybe your friend is responding to the type of child she has? It's something I'd like to see more of actually, rather than people who expect to stick to how they'd rather do things, than adapt a bit in line with the personality of the child. I was a big co-sleeping advocate and my daughter liked that for the first few months. When she made it clear that sleeping next to me wasn't working for her any more I moved her into a cot. I didn't hang on to the notion doggedly just because.

Ooops, sorry. Went off on a bit of a tangent. Ah well, I enjoyed it.

tbh I actually glanced at your name, just to be certain this wasn't a windup.

If your friend fiercely believed in smacking, on principle, I could understand. But... how is she harming her kids? Or yours? Why is it free spirited to want the world to do things your way, or else you can't associate with them, when there's no actual problem or danger or neglectfulness associated with the different choices? I genuinely have a comprehension gap here.

I went to some effort to bf, I used a sling, he's never been left to cry, no imposed routines, and we use BLW. DS goes to sleep on a duvet on the sitting room floor now until we take him up to co-sleep. We visit friends with him overnight, travel, and he goes with the flow. His routine has pretty well been set by him. BUT - when he's mobile, I'll use reins, because small kids aren't always crash-hot on road safety. We already use stairgates to separate him and the dog, and to stop him plunging down extremely steep stairs. And I'd find it quite bizarre if that perfectly reasonable parenting choice meant someone found my friendship problematic. I think I'd find their need to control the minutiae of my life quite problematic, if I'm being brutally frank.

"Without stairgates, my DD1 would be injured on a regular basis. Without reins, she would be dead" by lou on page 1 of this thread.

That says it all really. This friend is meeting the needs of her child as she sees them, as lou has clearly done.

Not all kids are the same, and I think your attitude is very narrow minded.

Agree with MoChan that your own childs unique personality might put the kibosh your own free spirited ideals - I thought I wouldn't use reins, until my toddler turned into a contortionist practically dislocating his own wrist to get out of my grip.

In fact many of my notions about what I would or wouldn't do as a parent have changed - although some of them were a bit naive to begin with...!