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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really not want thi gift.

55 replies

brightonlad · 09/07/2009 10:02

My mil got wind of the fact that we were considering building a small (1mx2m) wendy house for dd1 in our small back garden. She then said her husband wanted to build us one, so we waited for a call only to be told they had brought one, they were cagey about it's dimensions and we found out last night (it was delivered this morning and they're driving down with it on Saturdar) that it's 8' by 6'4" and 6'6" high! To put that in perspective our garden is about 24' by 14'.
We've asked them if they can return it and they don't think they can, they're angry and hurt and feel we're being ungrateful and dd1 is goign to be gutted that no wendy house is going to materialise. Is it me or is this a complete no win situation?

OP posts:

spicemonster · 09/07/2009 12:17

I think that is actually bigger than my shed. That's a good point that lynette makes - you will need to build a proper base for something that big

LucyMinter · 09/07/2009 12:24

Golly it sounds brilliant - I can see why you are fed up but they were probably just really excited, I know I always wanted a playhouse as a kid, but anyway...if you feel it's too big, you need to just say that and either get them to put it in their garden, or swap it for a smaller one - they go for heaps on ebay, if you did want to go thatw ay - but I'd have it, keep it for a bit, and then if dd doesn't really use it you can sell it on. It doesn't have to be permanent.

They ought to have checked with you first - they shouldn't be getting shirty about it now. But do be gracious, you know you are in the right.

(if you are nearby we'll come and buy it from you!)

readyfornumber2and3 · 09/07/2009 15:03

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all!
You should never buy large gifts for someone without checking first

My MIL can be like this, we live in a small 2 bedroom house with a tiny garden, we have a 3yo and twins on the way so space is limited and precious and yet she insists on buying big presents (rocking horse and a massive inflatable remote control car for example)it wouldnt be so bad if DS actually liked them
He has just turned 3 and we begged her not to buy anything big as we just dont have room and she actually listened for one- instead of buying him a big present she bought him 2 MASSIVE big present bags full of general crap to clutter the house up with again stuff DS doesnt even like!!

LucyMinter · 11/07/2009 06:29

What did you do? Am nosey

Hope you have come to an amicable arrangement.

zeke · 11/07/2009 06:49

YANBU - that was really controlling of them. Have they done anything else like this?

It does sounds like a really nice Play house but they must appreciate that you cannot buy very large gifts for people without consulting.

Yes, suggest that your daughter has the Wendy house around at their house.

zeke · 11/07/2009 06:53

WOW - readyfornumber2and3 - that must be extremely annoying!

I have no idea why people do this - go out of their way to spend their money on things that piss people off. Well, maybe I do.

I was having a little moan with MIL one day about how annoying playmobil with all it's little bits was (my son was NOT Old enough for it) and how I was going to put it all away until he was older. Guess what she bought him for his birthday- yep- and a type with hundresds of littele bits!

LovingTheRain · 11/07/2009 09:14

Yabnu, she should have consulted with you over sizing etc.

Could she keep it in her garden? MIL got my DCs a trampoline (we already had one! and yes she did know!
) so I told her we didn't need it and din't have space for it and could she possibly take it back/have it in her garden.

alicecrail · 11/07/2009 09:23

YANBU My mum is the same. If i mention anything i am thinking of getting DD my mum says " oh, i'll get her that, there is one in the shop down the road, i'll have it monday" i do really appreciate that she is doing it for DD but, (and this is a big BUT) my mum is on benefits, she has 2 SN children at home and her house is full of plastic tat from the pound shop. I love my mum, but i really don't want to live like her which means i do not want my house being filled up with plastic tat from the pound shop, especially when she can't afford it. Luckily, my mum has never been to my house, and so i make out it is much smaller than it really is

moondog · 11/07/2009 09:26

at the inflatable remote control car.
I live in fear of people giving me expensive space hogging tat.Luckily all my family are tight so never bother.

electra · 11/07/2009 09:30

YANBU - they should have checked with you first. Agree with others - as long as you say 'it's very kind of you...BUT' Something like that will affect your quality of life if you can't enjoy your garden....and they should understand that.

noddyholder · 11/07/2009 09:35

I agree its too big BUT i also think you are lucky to have grandparents who are so excited about their grand kids and they probably just got carried away with it all.Life is short does it really matter if it 'looks' wrong in your garden for a year or 2 for the pleasure they and your dd will get from it.I doubt you'll look back in your old age and think about the extra space taken up in the garden BUT you will remember your dd loving it!

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 11/07/2009 09:39

Maybe they could park the thing in their garden for when she goes to play at their house?

You are lucky, for ds's birthday his gran brought him a small box of lego, the thing is, it's an attachment box of lego that goes with the technics that he doesn't have so he can't use it. I did give her suggestions and tell him what types of lego he had. Oh well!

ipiratethief · 11/07/2009 09:47

but it's obviously a case of not having enough romm for much else in thier garden, when this is installed. Sounds like a shed would be far more useful in this small space.

Your dh needs to ring and say we are very appreciative but its too big.

It sounds like one of those split level ones the ones with a loft space , and it will need a proper base, built up off the floor (if grass esp)which will make it even taller.

Pop up tents all the way imo!!

readyfornumber2and3 · 11/07/2009 09:53

MIL is obsessed with bid tv and is always telling us about her "bargains"!!

I know why she buys him so much though, her and FIL split when DP was young and afterwards he became a millionaire while she struggles by on a part time job and carers allowance for her husband.
So she always goes out of her way to try and trump FIL and show him that she is a better grandparent.
She bought DS the 2 bagfulls of tat knowing that they would be opened infront of FIL to make a point (quantity rather than quality though) What she doesnt realise is that FIL had actually asked what he wanted and bought him a playhouse (just a normal size!)which DS loves.

I agree that they have probably done it with good intentions but its still annoying that they have put you in such an awkward position.

noddyholder · 11/07/2009 09:57

But some people have no grandparents!that is worse than having them and tehm being a bit daft

brettgirl2 · 11/07/2009 11:03

YANBU at all.

Have they no sense at all?

edam · 11/07/2009 11:07

Good idea about them putting in their garden for dd when she visits.

They are nutters, though.

nickschick · 11/07/2009 13:11

Very nosey I know- but AliceCrail, why has your mum never been to your house??

alicecrail · 11/07/2009 20:25

She lives about 40miles away, and i visit about every 6weeks. She has been invited, but could never make it, and now she doesn't have a car. Nothing very exciting i'm afraid

nickschick · 11/07/2009 21:30

Awww alice I wasnt being snidey its just I was curious.

Scaredycat3000 · 11/07/2009 21:43

I have all this to come, MIL is already going down this route, only listens to me when partner is in on the conversation

alicecrail · 12/07/2009 07:19

nickschick i didn't think you were! Was just meaning it was a bit of a boring story Although i have plenty about my mother that are not boring

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2009 07:28

alice, my mum is the same, if I mention I am looking for something in particular for DS she rings me up the next day to say "I've been trailing round town, been to ......... and I finally managed to get something similar".
It's really kind of her but I wish she would understand that I like buying him stuff too! Anyway, have just learned to watch what I say to her about that sort of stuff.

Habbibu · 12/07/2009 07:55

Noddy, I pretty much grew up with no grandparents, and was just fine. It's a bit like not ever being able to express annoyance or frustration with children/jobs/car because other people can't have them.

OP - I wonder if they just didn't think about the relative dimensions? Might it be worth you or DH just spelling out exactly what proportion of your garden this guest house will take up.

piscesmoon · 12/07/2009 08:04

I think that people's idea of her putting it in her garden is the best and they will enjoy it when they visit.

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