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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if my grandmother wants to have contact with me then she should get off her arse and make it happen?

29 replies

notanumber · 08/07/2009 22:53

My grandmother is in a huff with me because I hardly ever ring her or visit. I know this because she has complained about it to my mum. She says that I never answer the phone to her either.

She has rung a few times (but only a few) and I haven't answered because I'm the middle of bathtime or whatever.

I quite like my grandma, though we're not especially close. I'm in no way deliberatly ignoring her.I fully admit that I'm a bit crap about keeping in contact with people, and I should be better at it. But I have a toddler and a part-time job - I'm rushed off my feet most of the time!

AIBU to think that the onus should be on her to keep up the contact?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2009 22:54

well, it's not like she hasn't tried to call you

try returning her calls ...........

nancy75 · 08/07/2009 22:55

when she has phoned and you haven't answered, have you called her back?

Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 22:56

Yeah, I know, I'm not totally in the right here. I haven't returned her calls.

OP posts:
Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 22:57

I'm just irritated by her bitching to my mum about it.

I'm 33! Don't tell tales on me and get my mummy to tell me off for being naughty (this 6is^ why she does it btw)!

OP posts:
Seuss · 08/07/2009 22:57

I can understand you are really busy and it is hard to visit but I think YABU to say the onus is on her to keep up the contact. She is wrong to get huffy but if you know she has called you should call back when you can - after all that is her trying to keep contact. I do get how hard it is to keep up contact with everyone though - but this is your gran.

nancy75 · 08/07/2009 22:58

then sorry but yabu, she has tried to contact you, if you dont answer your phone what else can she do?
even if you are not especially close she might like to know how your child/ her great grand child is doing and try to have a relationship with them .

Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 22:59

It's just that she's sulking now. And I'm just thinking, "Oh, give over, I've got enough on my plate. Call again and tell me off and then arrange a visit woman. Don't just sit about being injured bemoaning the fact tha you never see me or your GGD".

OP posts:
Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:00

She would have to go to your mum because you don't answer the phone?

Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:00

my gran was a bit of a sulker too, so I can sympathise

Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 23:01

Can't she think "hmmm, no answer. Maybe she bathing the baby. I'll try later." but that'll be it then for months .

I should ring back, I know I should but I'm tired and busy...

I know I'm just trying to justify myself 'cause I feel guilty...

OP posts:
nancy75 · 08/07/2009 23:02

threads like these really get under my skin, my nan was the most important person in the world to me, she died just before i found out i was pregnant and so never saw or knew about my dd, and my dd has missed out on having a relationship with a wonderful person.
make the most of your gran while she is still here.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2009 23:02

oh god I'm going to come over all tug-at-the-heartstrings now

You're 33, she may not have long. My gran died when I was 31 (she was 82) and I miss her so much - there are so many things I would love to ask her.

Make the most of her unless she stinks of piss or is alzheimery (in which case she won't notice)

Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 23:05

No, damnit, I AM being goddamned reasonable! You're all wrong!

OP posts:
plantsitter · 08/07/2009 23:06

Yes, Grans can be a bit annoying and guilt inducing and a bit bitchy (mine is). But she won't be around for much longer. Go and see her with the kids and a big bunch of flowers and grit your teeth through the moaning, because it will make her feel nice. And you will feel much better too.

LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2009 23:07

and ffs ask her about the war, and how to crochet for me please

Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:08

plantsitter's right - take the moral high ground! (Sneak off and bang your head against the wall when she's not looking - you'll be fine!)

Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:08

crocheting is just impossible!

shabster · 08/07/2009 23:10

Wish with all my heart my lovely Gran was still here!! My memories of her make me LOL!! She was outspoken and very demanding but she had lived through her daughter being very, very poorly, and always worked hard and had nothing....she always used to tell the tale of her and my mum (who would have been probably 5) running to the air raid shelters whilst carrying my auntie in her carrycot (new baby)

As for my other Gran (my Dads mum) she died when I was about 2 years old...I have vague, happy memories of her. I always said if I had a daughter (had four sons) I would call her Bella after my lovely Gran.

Cherish your Grans - anybody who is lucky enough to still have them xx

JesuslovesCatholicSchools · 08/07/2009 23:11

poor granny

LaurieFairyCake · 08/07/2009 23:12

I wish Help the Aged still did that adopt a granny campaign.

She could tell me more ways with mince.

daffodill6 · 08/07/2009 23:15

Enjoy having a grandmother - and a mother - an exercise in patience maybe; many of us have neither any longer!

Its the old adage, you don't know what you have until its gone.

Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:15

I think it's a keynote of a good gran to be outspoken, demanding and a weeny bit stroppy. I lost mine quite recently and this thread has made me .

Original poster
notanumber · 08/07/2009 23:18

Oh, alright then, you tedious nagging cows.

Just don't blame me when I actually go mad after spending an afternoon being told that my hair looked better the other way.

OP posts:
Seuss · 08/07/2009 23:19

tee hee! Enjoy!

ineedalifelaundry · 08/07/2009 23:24

Here here daffodill. My DH and I have both lost our mums and all our grandmothers. It's bloody hard becoming a mum yourself when the older female generation have gone. Every single day I think of something I would have liked to ask my mum or Nana about. Appreciate them while you can.