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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to spike my friend's lasagne?

69 replies

allaboutme · 08/07/2009 16:34

Friend has come out of hospital today after an operation.
I am making lasagne for tea and thought I'd do double and drop one round to friend for her tea so she doesnt have to cook.

Friend does not eat vegetables. Ever.

Am in two minds as to whether to spike her lasagne with hidden veg.
Because...It'll be good for her and she'll probably never notice but also (and this is probably the real reason ) because I think its a little bit childish at her age to say 'I dont like vegetables' so would get a little sneaky pleasure from sneaking some in and then for her to say 'it was lovely' or something the next day [mischevious emoticon]

My kids wont die of scurvy if I cook the whole batch veg free and I do like my friend and want her to like her dinner so probably I am being unreasonable ....

What do you think?

OP posts:
stripes200 · 08/07/2009 17:51

I used to do this regularly for my DD when she was being a bit of a fuusypants re her veg. I would grate up all sorts of veg and hide in everything I could think of but this is an adult we're talking about here. If she doesn't want to eat vegetables then it's not your responsibility to make her, you're not her Mum.

We are, nowadays, bombarded with healthy eating messages so surely she will know that avoiding veg isn't good for her but has made that choice anyhow?

I would prob be tempted too however, just out of naughtiness, like when someone is snobby about stockcubes or dried herbs.

But no YABU, she's just been in hospital, it's usually pretty dire in there, cheer her up, don't lecture her.

Thunderduck · 08/07/2009 17:52

I hardly think that world hunger will increase dramatically, because one woman chooses not to eat vegetables.

And I'll happily go to hell, in any available mode of transport, if the alternative is full of self righteous people who spend time worrying and complaining about what one individual eats, and I say that as someone who isn't able to understand how people can dislike an entire food group.

junglist1 · 08/07/2009 18:21

You can't force your adult friend to eat veg!!! That's both and a bit . If someone sneaked cheese into my food I'd do my nut.

Sarraburd · 08/07/2009 18:30

YABU- not time or place (though I do agree childish of her not to try them). If she was coming round to lunch and you'd already put veg in wihout thinking that's one thing - to just serve it up anyway and hope she's ok with it and that she might not notice. But as a friendly treat for her because she's been in hospital - do it as she'd like it or not at all.

MummyDragon · 08/07/2009 18:38

YABU and insensitive and smug. Your friend has the right to choose not to eat vegetables. It is NOT up to you what she eats. You do not have the right to spike her food. Would you spike her drink in the pub if she was only having a soft drink? You need to grow up.

edam · 08/07/2009 18:42

That would be a petty thing to do. Either do your friend a favour or don't. Not on to play silly games about it. Especially when she's just come out of hospital after an operation and needs a bit of TLC, for heaven's sake!

Tidey · 08/07/2009 18:49

Hmmm. Tricky. I make lasagne by putting peppers, mushrooms and red onions in the blender so it's a kind of vegetable mince and then mixing it with meat in the sauce, so I suppose I do hide vegetables in it. However, if I was making it for someone else, I'd make it how they'd like it. So my oh-so-helpful answer is... I'm not sure.

Original poster
allaboutme · 08/07/2009 19:20

am ing at some of the self righteous responses

its only light hearted, come on!

My friend is not allergic to vegetables, she's not had a bowel op, she's just a fussy mare that doesnt eat veg!

I know that she eats lasagne as she's mentioned she's had it before. You cant make it with NO veg as you have to have at least onions and tomatoes dont you? If she had it in a restaurant she'd get a few veg in it and I bet she eats it then. All I really know is that if she had a roast dinner, she'd eat the meat and pots and leave all the veg.

I'm hardly dishing her up a plate piled high of broccoli am i?
Besides it will be good for her! A few vitamins will help her get better in no time

OP posts:
Thunderduck · 08/07/2009 19:24

OP.What age are you? Really grow up.

If she doesn't want to eat vegetables that's her choice. It's incredibly childish to take delight in the fact that you made her eat some blended vegetables.

I love vegetables but I'd be furious if someone sneaked something into my food that I hated e.g parmesan cheese.
It's incredibly disrespectful and obnoxious.

Thunderduck · 08/07/2009 19:26

Besides if you want do something nice for someone you usually give them something that you know they like.

You just want to prove a point that's all. You don't really want to treat her.

A gift with strings attached is no gift at all. I'd rather go without.

Sarraburd · 08/07/2009 20:12

not self-righteous, just think it's a bit mean and not in the spirit of the gift...

if you genuinely want to give her some nutriants give her some nice fruit as well as the non-veg lasagne...

oranges · 08/07/2009 20:17

does it really matter? If you are making lasagne, won't she just think you made it to your normal recipe? Will she expect you to make a totally veg free one for her?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 08/07/2009 20:24

How do you make lasagne without tomato anyway? I don't think you can, can you?

Original poster
allaboutme · 08/07/2009 20:37

I made it plain mince with onions and garlic, then I added tinned tomatoes and I grated in one carrot and one courgette.
Thats in an amount to make two family sized lasagnes.
I normally add loads of veggies, including big chunks of mushrooms and peppers so I did tone it down a great deal.
Without ANY veg it would have just been dry mince and layers of pasta which my DC's wouldnt have eaten!

I'm not being a bitch, honestly. If she comes for dinner I always make something completely veg free like steak and chips etc so I know for sure I get it right. I couldnt exactly cart steak and chips over to her house tonight though so had to go for something like lasagne.

I know its childish, but it just tickled me the thought of hiding some veg like I do with my kids

Anyway, DC1 ate his portion and did NOT notice the veg, which is a good sign!
I just ate my portion and it was LOVELY, so I think my friend will eat it and be pleasantly surprised.

OP posts:
LovelyTinOfSpam · 08/07/2009 21:09

Well if she's had it before it must have had tomato onion and garlic as a minimum so I'm sure your version will be fine.

FWIW my DH hates mushrooms and I made him a bolognaise when we were first going out with some of the most finely chopped mushrooms imaginable - and they don't taste of much really especially not when in with all that sauce - and he spotted them immediately. But being the lovely person he is he ate it anyway and even tried to raise a smile!

I miss mushrooms in my life

Let us know what she thought of it!

blueshoes · 08/07/2009 21:48

Agree with thunderduck.

How patronising and obnoxious to think you can thumb your nose at your friend's stated preferences and steal a march on her like she was your silly dcs.

Light hearted, my arse.

morningpaper · 08/07/2009 21:55

What a kerfuffle over a lasagne

YANBU - she won't notice! It will be delicious and good for her

You sound like a lovely friend

SarahL2 · 08/07/2009 22:02

Some people are getting very OTT about this. It's a lasagne with a few blended veggies in FGS!! The Op is doing her a favour by taking some food round. She's already altered her recipe to remove all the obvious veg!

I'm sure the friend will not notice the veg and if she does - no-one is forcing her to eat it! Even if she does notice the taste, she can bin the lasagne and order herself a veg-free pizza!! If she doesn't notice, the extra vitamins might even do her some good!!

My MIL brought food round after I'd had my c-section. I thanked her and appreciated the gesture even if most of it wasn't to my taste and got eaten by DH while I had sandwiches!! I even appreciated the "bogies in milk" (rice pudding) she brought which she knows I hate! At least she tried!

Momdeguerre · 08/07/2009 22:04

Hardly crime of the century. If she does not want to eat it then it will just be a waste.Am sure she would probably notice the veg and either bin it or pick them out.

Nice thought but a bit of a waste if you know she won't want to eat it?

Rachmumoftwo · 08/07/2009 22:10

There is an assumption that because this woman doesn't like vegetables, she is unhealthy and needs to be tricked into eating them like a small child. I am not keen on cooked vegetables myself, but eat lots of fruit and salad.

If you want to do something nice for your friend, cook her a meal that she will enjoy without trying to get one over on her. Otherwise, don't bother and get her some flowers instead.

duchesse · 08/07/2009 22:17

Jeez, people, lighten up. OP is proposing making extra and giving some of her family's meal to her friend, but is feeling put off by the fact that she may have to make it veg-free. If her friend really feels that strongly about food that people have brought to her out of altruism, she can order a takeaway instead. OP is wondering mischievously whether to conceal the veg that she would normally put in it anyway.

Frankly her friend will be happy that someone cared enough to drive over with a meal for her when she came out of hospital. Does this mean that OP has to entirely change her usual recipe for her entire family? Is that reasonable when OP has stated that there are no medical reasons why this woman does not eat something that 95% of the world's populations views as the mainstay of their diet.

Frankly OP, as I said before, I would make the friend something they really wanted, but I wouldn't feel too motivated to cook for them too often if they were that bloody fussy.

blueshoes · 09/07/2009 00:20

As far as I can read, the friend is not asking for a lasagne or any favours at all. So the issue of cooking for someone fussy with food is completely irrelevant.

If it is too much trouble for the OP to do a veg-free lasagne, don't do it, don't offer to do it - problem solved. Why offer to do someone a favour in such a duplicitous subversive way?

I don't disguise veg for my children to eat.

thumbwitch · 09/07/2009 00:26

I think it is treating her a bit too much like a child, despite the fact that you obviously care enough about her wellbeing to try and get a few extra vitamins into her post-op to help her regain her health quicker.
But it was a nice idea.
And I will happily do that to DS if he refuses to eat veg that he can see.

katiestar · 09/07/2009 08:07

Its not just about a l;asagne.Its about having respect for your friend.

SouthMum · 09/07/2009 08:31

A couple of bits of carrot (or whatever) in one lasagne will hardly turn her into Popeye - especially as the veg will have been cooking for ages in the oven so most of the vits will be cooked out.

OP YABU - if you want to do something nice then make it something your friend will definitely like or don't bother IMO.

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