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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fall out with this family friend?

40 replies

cheekster · 06/07/2009 23:38

Another thread has made me think about this

Basically, this friend told my DH to have an affair to show DH that he could get other women. So much so that he had someone lined up and a particular night planned too. DH didnt of course.

It came as such a shock as me and Dh were fine and I got on quite well with this friend too.

Please bear in mind we have been together 8 + years at the time, but with no children at that time (incase that makes a difference)

I found out, gave him a piece of my mind and havent spoken since. (3 years ago) DH still speaks to him, but obviously he is never welcome in our house etc. I know this makes it difficult for DH.

Is it time to bury the hatchet? AIBU?

OP posts:
JesuslovesCatholicSchools · 06/07/2009 23:39

no.

Nancy66 · 06/07/2009 23:41

To recap.

Your husband's mate told your husband he should have an affair. your husband said 'no thanks?'

That right?

poshwellies · 06/07/2009 23:42

Great mate -is he 15?
No-he's probably still a tosser.

Original poster
cheekster · 06/07/2009 23:42

Yes, thats right. Sorry its all jumbled

OP posts:
Nancy66 · 06/07/2009 23:43

All sounds a bit childish - but no need for you to be friends with the bloke.

LaurieFairyCake · 06/07/2009 23:44

no, unless you still have unresolved anger and wish to bury it in his head

Seriously, why bother having a friend like that - don't bother, just surround yourself with people that promote your relationship.

Original poster
cheekster · 06/07/2009 23:48

TBH, there has been no love loss at all! And yes, childish is the best word I can think of the describe him.

We never really made a big thing of it, just cut contact, DH does see him on occasions and I believe he is amicable with him.

But at times, it is difficult with him being a family friend e.g. DS's christening is coming up. He is obviously not invited!

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 06/07/2009 23:55

sounds like a tit and someone you could well do without.

At least if you keep him away you won't have to worry about him introducing your DS to porn/prostitutes/alcohol etc. at an inappropriate age.

Does you DH want you to bury the hatchet? I would only consider it if DH was really upset at the rift.

luckylady74 · 06/07/2009 23:57

YANBU

pickyvic · 06/07/2009 23:58

you shouldnt have to ask on this one. resounding YANBU.

Original poster
cheekster · 06/07/2009 23:59

No, DH is such a laid back kind of guy, I dont think he cares so much.

But I know situations are difficult for him e.g. we no longer go out in couples anymore like we used to becuase this guy goes with his GF too.

OP posts:
Doozle · 07/07/2009 00:00

Was this "friend" threatened by or jealous of your marriage? This is the only reason I can think of why he did this.

Either way, no, I wouldn't feel you have to bury the hatchet at all. Complete knob.

What does DH want you to do?

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 00:03

Actually I think YABU. Your DH turned down the friend's offer so no harm done. You might not like the man that much but is it really necessary to hold onto a grudge for three years over something someone said?

Original poster
cheekster · 07/07/2009 00:04

DH doesnt want me to do anything, he rarely mentions it TBH.

But at times I do feel guilty when we are sat at home and all our friends are out together as couples - but then that only really happens about 2-3 times a year.

But I couldnt stand to be in the same room as him!

OP posts:
Original poster
cheekster · 07/07/2009 00:06

It wasnt just what he said though was it - when everything came out in the open, he'd obviously been plotting and planning this for some while!

OP posts:
Doozle · 07/07/2009 00:07

But it's not something he just said, he actively went about setting up a date, didn't he?

It's bloody weird behaviour and if DH isn't bothered about you making up, and you'd hate to be in the same room as him, then go with your instincts and stay away.

Doozle · 07/07/2009 00:08

Cross posts

Original poster
cheekster · 07/07/2009 00:11

Thanks Doozle

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 07/07/2009 00:14

BUt also, SGB, it is just totally disrespectful to cheekster, to try and persuade her DH to play away. Especially when she thought of him as a friend too! I would feel betrayed by it and wouldn't want him near me ever again too.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 00:40

Life is way too short to worry about people being 'disrespectful'. Look at it this way, if this man dislikes cheekster so much then won't it drive him absolutely batshit for her to treat him with calm politeness as though nothing ever happened ie that he is not important enough to upset her?

thumbwitch · 07/07/2009 00:43

I doubt he does/did dislike her, he probably just didn't even consider her feelings to be important enough to worry about. So no, I don't think that would make any difference.

Longtalljosie · 07/07/2009 07:56

No way would I have anything to do with this individual again. Does he know you know what he tried to do to your marriage? Does your circle of friends know? Does his partner? I'd be far more open. That way, you and your friends can be out together as couples and he can be sat at home. Why should the pair of you suffer?

MamaLazarou · 07/07/2009 08:03

YANBU

The 'friend' is not worth having.

woodlands35 · 07/07/2009 10:01

what a b###ard , your well rid of him ,

rasputin · 07/07/2009 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.