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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To fall out with this family friend?

40 replies

cheekster · 06/07/2009 23:38

Another thread has made me think about this

Basically, this friend told my DH to have an affair to show DH that he could get other women. So much so that he had someone lined up and a particular night planned too. DH didnt of course.

It came as such a shock as me and Dh were fine and I got on quite well with this friend too.

Please bear in mind we have been together 8 + years at the time, but with no children at that time (incase that makes a difference)

I found out, gave him a piece of my mind and havent spoken since. (3 years ago) DH still speaks to him, but obviously he is never welcome in our house etc. I know this makes it difficult for DH.

Is it time to bury the hatchet? AIBU?

OP posts:

LoveBeingAMummy · 07/07/2009 10:09

Very weird, was he trying to get DH out of the way so he could have you all to himself????

Momdeguerre · 07/07/2009 10:14

Sounds like a knob - who cares about his motivations? Why care about his motivations? If he did this then I would not want to be around him - think I would be unhappy for DH to mix with him either.

gingernutlover · 07/07/2009 10:29

when i first met my dh, he had a friend who was similar, went on and on and on about dh's exes in front of me saying how pretty they were, he told dh he shouldnt feel he had to marry me unless I was pregnant (which i wasnt) and on one evening out he went on and on about how he was going to get a stripper for dh's stag night and how the one he was getting was willing to do extras

he thought he was soooooooooooooo cool

we thought he was a total prat and we don't see him anymore

yanbu to not want someone like this in your life and if you dh isnt bothered about seeing him either then there no problem is there?

The only sad thing is that you are missing out on nights out, do your coupley friends know what he did? Does his girlfirend know what he did?

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 11:23

But what harm can this man do? The OP's H declined his offer, so presumably he's not even going to bother making it again. It just seems a bit daft not to socialise with other friends because someone you have a different outlook to might be there.

MissSunny · 07/07/2009 11:26

Message withdrawn

gerontius · 07/07/2009 12:17

It's not exactly a "different outlook" is it? This guy atemmpted to get cheekster's DH to have an affair. This wasn't just something he said - he arranged a person and a night. He sounds like a tit. Completely reasonable to stay away.

MissSunny · 07/07/2009 12:43

Message withdrawn

Original poster

cheekster · 07/07/2009 14:11

Sorry, but there is no way this 'friend' would ever be allowed back into our house.

I would never stop DH from seeing him if he wanted and on the occasion he has been there when DH has been out with the lads, thats fine with me ...

But inviting him into our house, sorry but no way!

OP posts:

crazylizzy · 07/07/2009 14:49

YANBU, he sounds like a total arse hole He comes across as a very insecure man with under lying issues. Why on earth would someone suggest, then even arrange and plan such a thing?

oldraver · 07/07/2009 16:55

While I would never entertain a horrible person like this again, I wouldn't let him stop me socializing with couple friends. I would still go out with them but try and avoid contact with him

Do your circle know what he has done ?? I would be tempted to spill

Kimi · 07/07/2009 16:57

Only if you are going to bury the hatchet in his nuts.

SolidGoldBrass · 07/07/2009 18:55

Y'see, this is why I think monogamists are wierd. It seems such a tiring way to live, running round in terror that someone might have a non-monogamist opinion in your presence, banning people from the house (What's he going to do, leave strippers in the bed?) who are not actually violent or light-fingered but who just have different views... How would you like it if your H told you that certain of your friends were banned from the house for being a 'bad influence' or whatever?

Original poster

cheekster · 08/07/2009 00:08

Im so pleased that your POV solidgoldbrass is very much in the minority.

I invite into our house people who we like, this so called friend is not on that list. DH is totally fine with that, infact he agrees.

While I would never stop him seeing him, I would never welcome him into my home.

Why would I invite into my house someone who tried to tear our family apart?

And if one of my friends did the same thing, they too wouldnt be welcome in our home.

Sorry solidgoldbrass, but youre on a losing streak with this one!

OP posts:

KingCanuteIAm · 08/07/2009 00:17

I realise the thread has somewhat changed tack but I would say that this friend is not worth having, as others have said. I would also say that he has behaved like a plonker but your dh has acted like a fab guy.

If I were you I would put it to bed now, don't have him in your house of course but perhaps start up the couples nights again? As long as there are more couples than just you and them IYSWIM. The bloke obviously knows how you feel, if there are others around you can avoid conversation with him beyond 'hello how are the children' type stuff. You and DH can take up something you formerly enjoyed again and stop letting one persons idiocy affect your social life. After 3 years I would say you and dh are the ones suffering more than he is IYSWIM.

PlumBumMum · 08/07/2009 00:34

I'm with LongtallJosie, I don't see why your missing out on going out with your other friends, I wouldn't speak to him,
and wouldn't make him welcome in my house but wouldn't avoid my other friends because of him

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