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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a bit, well, tight?

55 replies

AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 15:00

I know a woman who lives locally to me - she is a friend of friends, and she has a DD a bit younger than my DD. We get on quite well, I see her socially and the DDs like playing together. I pass a lot of DD's outgrown clothes and shoes onto her - probably over £100 worth in the last couple of years. Last week I gave her a pair of girl's Doc Marten summer shoes and a bag of summer clothes.

We are both on the local freecycle and so she has a lot of things I give away on there too - toys, women's clothes, household stuff etc, and last year I gave her a violin for her older child to learn on.

Anyway today I had a text from her to say she had bought a dress in Oxfam but decided it didn't suit her and would I like to try it on me. So I said yes please, and got a message back saying it would be £3.

AIBU to think thats a bit bloody tight? Ok, I don't give people things because I expect things in return but tbh I feel like handing her a bag of DD's clothes next time I see her and then telling her they will cost her a tenner.

OP posts:
MoonchildNo6 · 03/07/2009 15:04

I think if you regularly give her things (without expecting things in return) then she is being a bit tight and YANBU.

tiredlady · 03/07/2009 15:09

I think she sounds tight.
YANBU

Original poster
AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 15:09

I really really don't expect anything for it, not at all. I have a small house and only one DD, so when she grows out of stuff I am happy to send it to where it will be used.

I just thought that was a bit

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 03/07/2009 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 15:14

Oh good I am not being irrationally grumpy then (happens )

I could've sold all the stuff I pass on but chose not to as I'd rather give it to people who can make use of it.

Last bloomin' time for her though.

OP posts:
TrillianAstrahasaJOB · 03/07/2009 15:28

That's very mean. Either you have the sort of friendship wher you freely give each other stuff that's no use to you or you don't.

frazzledgirl · 03/07/2009 15:37

Ungrateful cow.

Don't give her anything more!

Stigaloid · 03/07/2009 15:53

Tell her you aren't that interested and don't give her anything else. YANBU - she is being tight.

MoonchildNo6 · 03/07/2009 15:59

Actually this reminds me of when my sister was a student, one of her houses mates would ask her if she wanted her remaining frozen food when she was going home at the end of term and if she said yes please the friend would turn around and say ok thats 20p for half a bag of peas and 50p for two fishfingers!

SerendipitousHarlot · 03/07/2009 16:12

YANBU

I can remember one of my really close friends charging me £20 for 2 kittens once! I sort of handed over the money like this

docket · 03/07/2009 16:15

Ew, embarassingly tight. YANBU!

jemart · 03/07/2009 16:23

YANBU - it is very tight of her, she bought it in a charity shop fgs, if I were her I'd probably have just donated it back not tried to sell it to my friends.

zeke · 03/07/2009 16:34

Sounds like she is totally clueless.

Personally, I was refuse the offer and never give her anything again!

Poledra · 03/07/2009 16:35

YANBU - definitely tight! (A unanimous AIBU? Shurely not! ).

Original poster
AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 16:39

I was just thinking that Poledra - where is the voice of dissent?

Funny thing is I actually wasn't sure if I was BU

OP posts:
crazylizzy · 03/07/2009 16:43

YANBU, she is being shockingly rude by asking for money!

tigermoth · 03/07/2009 17:01

Is there any chance she is very hard up and has pegged you as someone who can help her out whether with second hand clothes or a bit of extra cash?

You have been generous in giving her things - does she have a similar lifestyle to you so you you think she's not that well off and could be struggling?

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 03/07/2009 17:07

hmmmm, my initial reaction was that YANBU, but when i think about it, its probably because she has only just paid for the item. I personally wouldn't ask for the money, but it would stick in my gullet that i had paid £3 for something that was no good to me.

In the same vein, i just bought some shorts for my DP in the charity shop. They were £4.50. I asked the woman if i could bring them back if they didn't fit (they might be a bit big). She said ok, but looked very disapproving. I spend quite a bit of money in that shopa nd £4.50 is actually quite a lot to us at the moment. If they were a couple of quid i could suck it up, but i can't afford to waste £4.50 for something that doesn't fit. To compound my shame, DD asked for a cuddly toy, to which i said, of course you can darling. Only to recoil in horror when i saw the ticket £2 - for a toy that was obviously some sort of promotional give away. I was and said, ooh dear £2, i'm not so sure. Woman behind the shop said, OK dear give me £1 - i was like OK, but the thing wasn't worth 50p. The woman must have thought i was a right tight wad, but i would have happily paid £2 if i thought it was worth it. Sorry, bit of a hijack.

ADealingMummy · 03/07/2009 17:12

YANBU at all ! I actually cannot believe how stingy she is.

We are having a bit of a rough time financially , and I just couldn't bring myself to ask for money. I would just happily give you the dress , especially as you have been so generous.

Don't accept the dress , unless you really like it , and don't bother giving her any more clothes.

myredcardigan · 03/07/2009 17:18

If she sent it as a text, surely she must have mistakenly left the wink off the end? Surely? Otherwise, IMO, she's insulting your usual generousity.

This reminds me of the thread a while back where someone wanted paying for passing on a spare tampax!

Overmydeadbody · 03/07/2009 17:24

YANBU and she is being extremely tight.

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 03/07/2009 17:24

YANBU

She is indeed taking the piss

Original poster
AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 18:04

I'd say they are a bit better off than me - she works p/t and her and her dp run two cars, and I'm a single parent currently not working. They aren't rich by any standards but certainly not struggling to the degree she often makes out.

She is nice btw and I do get on well with her and enjoy her company, but I like to feel that it works both ways with friends and I suspect it never will with her.

OP posts:
missmelly · 03/07/2009 18:12

I knew a woman who would ask to take home any leftovers from the plate she took to a party. Some people are just verrrrrry frugal with their money - they're usually the ones with more money than anyone

cheshirekitty · 03/07/2009 19:24

YANBU. I think she is being tight. You sound like a lovely giving person.