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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this is a bit, well, tight?

55 replies

AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 15:00

I know a woman who lives locally to me - she is a friend of friends, and she has a DD a bit younger than my DD. We get on quite well, I see her socially and the DDs like playing together. I pass a lot of DD's outgrown clothes and shoes onto her - probably over £100 worth in the last couple of years. Last week I gave her a pair of girl's Doc Marten summer shoes and a bag of summer clothes.

We are both on the local freecycle and so she has a lot of things I give away on there too - toys, women's clothes, household stuff etc, and last year I gave her a violin for her older child to learn on.

Anyway today I had a text from her to say she had bought a dress in Oxfam but decided it didn't suit her and would I like to try it on me. So I said yes please, and got a message back saying it would be £3.

AIBU to think thats a bit bloody tight? Ok, I don't give people things because I expect things in return but tbh I feel like handing her a bag of DD's clothes next time I see her and then telling her they will cost her a tenner.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2009 19:29

What did you say to her text btw? Are you still planning to try it on?
Why not agree to buy it and then ask if you can pay in installments of 10p a month for the next 2.5 years?

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2009 19:29

Oh and next time you hand over a bag of clothes tell her that month's 10p is at the bottom.

cheesesarnie · 03/07/2009 19:30

you sound kind.she sounds like shes taking the piss.

2 of my friends give me clothes for dd-theyre dd's are same age but alot bigger than my dd,i always offer something but they never accept and i also feel bad that i cant pass anything to their dd's so i buy nice xmas and birthday presents for them instead.

dilemma456 · 03/07/2009 19:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster

AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 19:33

I haven't said anything yet, I think I will politely decline the offer though.

Thing is I would have offered her the money for it, so I don't know why it rankles so much that she asked.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 03/07/2009 19:39

it rankles because you'd not do the same.
Yes OK, she had just paid for it, but you can't expect to be able to sell unwanted things for the same as you paid for them - that's why ebay things are cheaper than in the shops! If the dress had been £50 and for some reason she'd have been unable to take it back I could have sort of seen the point, but £3! It's obviously not that much money to her - if it had been she'd have tried it on then and there or made sure she could take it back.

Fimbo · 03/07/2009 19:44

I have a friend like that (and she is rolling in dough). I looked after her son, picked both him and her daughter up at short notice, have given them tea, bought them ice-creams etc from the shop on numerous occasions. She laminated a sheet of letters for my ds and I thought she was being kind and it was a sort of thank you thing, but no she "charged" me £1.50. I handed it over, kind of stunned.

OmFg · 03/07/2009 19:46

Just tell her that you are a single mum and can't afford £3, that might make her feel a bit guilty, especially as she has been getting freebies from you

pickyvic · 03/07/2009 19:56

she sounds like a cheeky cow, id decline offer, and make sure i gave all the lovely clothes to charity in future - where they will be appreciated!
she is taking the P.

aristocat · 03/07/2009 20:05

agree with everyone.

dont have it and dont give to her again

Original poster

AnarchyAunt · 03/07/2009 20:08

This is the most harmonious AIBU I have ever started

OP posts:

wahwah · 03/07/2009 20:15

I disagree. Give her the money and tell her you're so sorry that she's so hard up. Ask if she needs anything else. That should bloody well shame her.

Original poster

AnarchyAunt · 04/07/2009 18:03

Wahwah she has no shame.

I was unable to help myself bitching about mentioning it to a mutual friend earlier who told me that when tight woman has her DS to play, she asks for the money back if she has bought him any sweets/ice cream/chips

OP posts:

hercules1 · 04/07/2009 18:04

snort at your first post. the cheek!

moondog · 04/07/2009 18:31

God, I can't bear tight people.
It turns me right off.

ScummyMummy · 04/07/2009 18:34

She's a right meanie. Never give her anything ever again.

trefusis · 04/07/2009 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

AnarchyAunt · 04/07/2009 20:02

I just know that I will be seething now every time she replies to my offers on freecycle - she always does as well, every time.

I do hate feeling so petty and hope I get over it soon, after the initial ggggrrrrrr factor has faded. It shouldn't matter in the big scheme of things - life is such that I'm sure her tightness will bite her on the arse in some way in the future.

OP posts:

fucksticks · 04/07/2009 21:46

act all innocent and say you never got her emails when she replies to your freecycle posts - get her emails sent straight to your 'junk mail' box

this time reply and say 'actually, dont worry about the dress, I'm a bit short on money this week' and let her feel bad for a bit!

Buddleja · 04/07/2009 21:53

you must be living near my sister - this sounds like something she'd do and feel justified in doing so - there can't be two people like this can there

What I don't get is people are ALWAYS giving her stuff (and not asking for money) despite the fact she might sell it on or simply keep it in storage just so she doesn't have to hand it to someone else AND she's married to a squillionaire

giraffescantdancethetango · 04/07/2009 22:04

YANBU

simplesusan · 04/07/2009 22:12

YANBU
When 2 work colleagues gave me clothes for my dd I bought them both flowers.
I don't think I would pass anything else onto her tbh!

LoveBeingAMummy · 04/07/2009 22:25

YANBU

Some people just have different ways of ding things, sounds a bit like SIL!

OmFg · 05/07/2009 11:19

I would be inclined to change my freecycle details, as she will know that the current one is you and expect first refusal?

But I can be a bit of a chicken

sherazade · 05/07/2009 11:48

YANBU. ask her if you can pay her in installments. 10 pence a week till christmas.

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