To think if you are given a duplicate gift you smile, say thank you and DON'T mention it

[MikeStand]

We have been informed by godson's father that the book we sent from Amazon is a duplicate. I'm not sure if you can return it to Amazon but in similar circumstances I have said thank you very much and gone to stick it on ebay, regift, donate to charity etc. I wouldn't dream of saying we've already got it.

If we ask what he would like we are always told a cheque made out to parents so his mum can get something and we never find out what it was. He is not old enough to want vouchers to choose his own stuff.

AIBU to think if you are given a gift you accept politely as it is a gift willingly given and not an expectation?

Ex FIL always gives cheques or cash gifts to the dc's and I always make a point of telling him what I have bought, and on occasion I have actually bought, wrapped up and given the dc's a gift bought with the money and say it's from Grandpa.

As for the duplicate gift whether I would do this myself would probably depend on who gave it to me. Close friends or family I would possibly (politely obviously) tell them.
And as the giver of a gift I would rather be told that it was a duplicate, especially if in ROllergirls case it was something that couldn't be used and/or had cost a fair bit. I wouls rather exchange or give the receipt to exchange so that something that could and would be used and enjoyed can be purchased.

YANBU. Appalling manners imo.

Buy your godson a book token in future and he can choose the book he wants and his mother can't spend it herself on gin

I admit to being bemused by this. I rarely get duplicate gifts because I have an Amazon wish list! If we buy each other things to wear/handbags/jewellery etc we always include the gift receipt and if we don't like it, swap it for something we do. I don't think it is good manners to allow people to waste their money on buying something you will never use.

As for the children ... well often DD will open a present and tell the person that she has already got it. I am not going to tell her not to say it because it is not rude, it is factual. If she got a duplicate present and the buyer wasn't there, I sneak it away into my present drawer to give to one of her friends on their birthdays.

I do think it is odd, in an era where people complain that children have too much, that you suggest teaching them that having two of the same thing is acceptable and not just downright wasteful!

Perhaps this is a case of manners over common sense.

Duplicate gifts aren't always a bad thing anyway, especially things like kids clothes or toys, particularly if you have more than one DC. If you really can't use two, just keep it as spare/give it away/sell it.

People giving back or asking for alternative gifts for whatever reason is an absolute pet hate of mine. I nearly always pass on receipts because I would actually be genuinely upset if someone asked me to take something back that I'd chosen to give them with the very best of intentions.

just remembered PILs routine for gifts. they ask us what dd wants. we say a particular toy. they buy said toy. they then bring toy round to show us before wrapping it for dd.

a total freaking farce. but dh is used to this carry on.

I don't think it's ever acceptable for a parent to ask for money to buy a gift for their child because I think that has control freakery and a sense of entitlement at its root. It's basically saying "You can't buy a gift for my child as well as I can and in any case I want to have complete influence over all my child's possessions and my child deserves nothing less than my idea of perfection." I think that's both unhealthy and rude. And, importantly, unconducive to really funny family memories like the hideousness of the yellow matinee coat my mother in law bought for one of my newborn twins 10 years ago and the truly horrendous teaset that my grandparents purchased for my parents when they married. But if a child old enough to understand the concept (around 8 plus, perhaps?)is asked what they want by a gift giver and says money please I think that's quite different and ok.

I have had mixed experience with this one. With my mother, if she gave us a toy for our children they already had, she wanted to know so she could exchange it for something else. Being family she was quite prepared for (polite) honesty.

I made the mistake of transferring this approach to my MIL, who gave my son a cot toy we already had. It was something you really could only use one of.

I explained this (politely and gratefully) to her, thinking that as she was family she would understand, but she was obviously not very happy. So we just left it and used both toys: transferring one to our daughter's cot when she was born.

Well, my friend once bought DD1 a lovely dress that I had already bought for her a couple of weeks before.
I just asked if she had the receipt as we already had the dress but as DD loved it, can we exchange it for a bigger size! Friend was fine with it and DD got to wear her favourite dress even after she had grown out of the first one!!

See that's polite and nice, Stretch. I guess it's all in the way things are communicated. If your communication has got "I LOVE your gift" at its heart, even if you are reporting technical problems, then everyone will be happy, I'm sure. I'm actually feeling like a hypocrite as have just rememebered the time a friend gave me a sort of model of a cat, which closely resembled a real dead cat, resulting in me shrieking like a banshee and kind of throwing it across the room as she looked on appalled...

I think you can phrase duplicates nicely - you can laugh and say "you know me so well, I can't believe it! When I saw this book in the shop I knew it was just the kind of thing I'd love, and I spent X's cheque on it" or that sort of thing. I used to have to do this a lot because my parents and DH were always buying me duplicate books - they now actually phone up and agree who's going to get me what.

But if you just don't like it, I agree - the only polite thing to do is to keep it for a while, use it when they can see, and then find it a good home. I've actually found that sometimes you can really change your mind about presents which initially seem rather odd, so its worth giving them a trial.

I have just looked on Amazon's website and they can return the item within 30 days and get a gift certificate to the same value. They know it came from Amazon as we had it sent direct.

I think it is the pointing out they already have I it I object to. Even Amazon have the manners to point out they will not inform the sender. I don't expect them to stockpile two.

I'm definitely in the 'smile politely and pretend enthusiasm' camp. I've even done this when I've been given duplicates by the same person! (i.e. they gave me a book and then... the identical book again, though that did make me a bit ).

I think it's a bit off to assume that the gift-giver is desperately eager to make sure you have exactly what you want, they have made the effort to give you a gift, that should be enough. The only time I've asked to exchange was when something arrived damaged, and even so I felt bad about it.

I just don't understand why some people think it's 'rude' to tell someone that you already have what they have given you. You're just stating a fact and, provided you thank them nicely for their thoughtfulness, I don't see the problem.

Someone recently did that to me and I was perfectly happy to exchange it for something else because my main concern was that my friend received something she wanted / needed and therefore made her happy.

Am I the only one that keeps receipts for kids presents in case they've alraedy got it, so they can return it?

My sister got DS a duplicate present for his 1st birthday, I asked her for the receipt and he picked something else - she was perfectly happy and not the least bit offended.

It's different for kids though I think?

My DH's family always forget to compare notes about who is getting what for whom and even worse tell person A to get something specific for SIL and then buy it for her themselves.

It causes so much trouble with returning presents after Christmas etc. Now we just tend to buy vouchers or something random - we have a better success rate with these!

Sometimes you just have to tell as the person will find out anyway. All DD's books and toys are in our living room and if someone brings a present round and it is a duplicate we wouldn't have had time to hide the one we already had. Much better to be up front and honest - it all gets horribly complicated otherwise. If I knew I could get away with it I would not say anything though.

Yes they were rude but it's pretty usual to include a receipt in these kind of circs so they can exchange if need be.