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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to hit a mum at playgroup?

64 replies

BirdFromDaNorf · 02/07/2009 15:18

Scenario: Husband working away, 2.5yr old had a bad night with the heat, 12 month old teething + heat = bad night all round, so v bad morning follows today for me, when I forced the kids to eat cheerios for brekkie...they didn't want them and I forced them. Little one to nursery, elder one out with me to a playgroup in Girton.

DS1 has cup of milk in car to keep him quiet en route. We get to Girton, go to get DS1 out of car, find he has been sick everywhere. Go to give DS1 drink of milk to rinse mouth - realise it's the milk. Waitrose milk too! Only bought yesterday Grrr been in fridge.

Anyway, DS1 into playgroup in shorts and no top. Someone comments on it to me, I start to explain that he's been sick, so no t-shirt. She jumps down my neck about why on earth would anyone in their right mind take a sick child to playgroup etc. We are going on holiday on Sunday etc ranting at me. I try to get in, saying "you've not given me chance to explain, do you think I'm that sort of mother, he's had some milk that I didn't know wasn't right, that's all. What sort of mother do you think I am, that I woudl do that??"

No apology, no sorry, no sheepish "oh right". Just a repeating of "well we are going on holiday on Sunday and I don't want sick children".....

She didn't give me chance to explain. She didn't draw breath. People were looking. Being very tired, hormonal (12 days late with period grrr) and utterly beffudled by the whole thing I've picked up DS1 and walked out. And cried in the car that things are not going my way today.....

What I should have done, was hit her, or embarass her, or demand an apology. Something surely. I don't know her well so this isn't going to be nice next time I see her. AIBU to go back next week and hit her if she doesn't come to me and apologise instantly??

OP posts:
Kimi · 02/07/2009 15:59

can I vote for chucking the bad milk over her...

flamingobingo · 02/07/2009 16:03

Sorry you're having such a crap day, OP, but really you shouldn't be taking a child who has just been sick into a playgroup - you should be taking him straight home!

MangoJuggler · 02/07/2009 16:05

But why would you want to harangue someone who did not want to have a vomitous child at playgroup? I'll bet their D and V policy says get thee home sick child

OP when you took the child into playgroup what were your intentions? To leave him there? Or to clean him up and then go home?

More vomiting there would have dreadful for him

littlelamb · 02/07/2009 16:06

Regardless of ther scenario, I am fed up of all the aibu threads saying 'aibu to slap/hit/chop fingers off'. Say you're peed off by all means. But why must every bloody thread be about whacking someone

MangoJuggler · 02/07/2009 16:07

waiting for stealth reveal

Hassled · 02/07/2009 16:09

Your period is 12 days late? I assume the obvious has occurred to you.

The thing is, people do lie about this sort of stuff - the "Oh, it was something he ate, definately not contagious" line when there's a known D&V bug doing the rounds. It's some weird form of denial, coupled with the need to leave the house regardless. It sounds like the playgroup woman had experience of this, and so was overly suspicious. I'm not in any way implying that you were lying, but people do downplay illnesses and that's probably why she reacted as she did.

aGalChangedHerName · 02/07/2009 16:11

What posessed you to take him into playgroup after he had actually been sick everywhere. I wouldn't even have got out of the car tbh.

I would have been the one moaning about you bringing your vommy dc into playgroup!!!

sobloodystupid · 02/07/2009 16:12

sometimes there is a veritable plague of people who seemingly turn violent/ have violent thoughts on MN. I know, I was one of them last November. . Honestly, though for most of us it is an expression of anger/ frustration or a great release I frequently say "I could've swung for....." but haven't killed anyone (to date)
Thanks everyone who was so kind to me last year in my hormonal-induced rages. I really appreciated it.

Fimbo · 02/07/2009 16:14

Nothwithstanding the fact your ds had been sick, in this heat (presumably it is still warm where you are) your car would have been honking to the high heavens.

YABU

aGalChangedHerName · 02/07/2009 16:18

Bleurgh your poor ds would have ponged too. Poor people who would have had to be around him all morning.

Coalman · 02/07/2009 16:27

You brought a child covered in vom into a playgroup and now you want to hit somebody?

Is this a joke?

Original poster
BirdFromDaNorf · 02/07/2009 16:41
  1. Am not pref for defo. I did a test to check
  2. I cleaned up DS before we went in, checked with friend who we met in car park that he didn't smell.
  3. I believe it was the milk, because I took the lid off his cup to give it to him to clean his mouth out post puking, and realised from the smell of it, that it wasn't right. For the fact that he was sick within minutes of having it, I believe it was the milk.
  4. Bad night for DS1 = repeated refrains of mummy put my blanket back on. Not him being poorly in the night, not at all.
  5. No need to clean DS within playgroup setting as I am a prepared mummy with wipes and all stuff ready to clean up the usual stuff.
  6. Yes, car did smell, but as DS1 was skipping about with his mate, literally skipping, figured no point depriving him of playgroup. Since then I've spent ages cleaning it and febreezing it and sorting it out.
  7. I cannot believe that people would take their child into a group or lie about it in any way if they thought their child might be sick. I'm obviosuly naieve. However you spell it, I dunno ;)
  8. You are right about why say things about being violent. I am not a violent person. It was completely wrong of me to write that. A more considered OP would have said, would it be wrong to be annoyed if I didn't get some sort of apology, cup of tea offer or something from the other woman. Two wrongs don't make a right do they.

[slinks off back under stone, will just watch MN from sidelines for a bit....]

OP posts:
Fimbo · 02/07/2009 16:43

Believe me there will no apology forthcoming from the other lady.

katiestar · 02/07/2009 16:57

I don't think it is right to take a vomitty child to a playgroup.I would have taken him home for a wash and change and a bit of a lie down.

That said I think teh other woman was being unreasonable and you are right in wanting to give her a slap ( just as long as you don't actually do it)

Morloth · 02/07/2009 17:01

I often want to hit people who annoy me so YANBU there. In fact I think there should be a law where I am allowed to do so, not other people - just me, after all I can be trusted to only whack people who deserve it, the rest of you probably not.

However I would have wanted to give you a slap for taking a vomity kid to playgroup, regardless of why he was vomity. So YABU.

junglist1 · 02/07/2009 17:02

Don't hit her, put chewing gum in her hair if she's nasty again . She shouldn't have jumped down your throat before knowing the situation, also she commented on the no T shirt making her sound like a judgey cow anyway.

bumptwitknocker · 02/07/2009 17:03

I just wouldn't have taken DS into playgroup, not only because he might be ill, but also because he would smell. Milky sicky smell is not pleasant.

MummyDragon · 02/07/2009 18:08

Oh Bird, bless ya, hope you have a better night tonight!

(Yes, you were BU but you know that and have admitted it, and well done you - I tend to slink away in silence when I'm outed as BU on here!)

Servalan · 02/07/2009 18:09

Sorry, but I think YABU - never a good thing to take the risk with sickness. I can understand why the other mum was pissed off tbh.

Saying that, she probably could have expressed herself in a less aggressive fashion so can understand why she left you feeling angry.

belgo · 02/07/2009 18:12

Why on earth didn't you just stay at home? He'd had a bad night, teething, then vomiting, the last place I would have taken him to was playgroup.

Pepa · 02/07/2009 18:17

Bird fwiw I've had those days with my two where the only way to stay remotely sane is to stay out of the house.....by the sounds of it your dc didn't have a bug and you were being a responsible mum.....think the problem here was the way the other woman approached you versus the fact that she actually said something iykwim......hang in there and hope tomorrow is a better one!!

elkiedee · 02/07/2009 18:23

Sickness could well be the milk, or car sickness, nothing more worrying. Or it could be a bad sign, and I can understand where other woman was coming from.

I would take a clean outfit with you for each DC - and I do that walking/using public transport so I'd certainly think keeping supplies of clothing in a car would be useful.

I think still wanting to hit the other woman now is probably unreasonable, and hope you've calmed down.

Greensleeves · 02/07/2009 18:28

I don't think you should have taken him to playgroup after he had been sick. But there was no need for her to be so rude.

However I find people often come across much more harshly than intended when they are "asserting themselves" - it's a nerve-wracking moment speaking up when someone you don't know well is doing something you feel you must object to - could she maybe have just over-egged it? That's something I might do - and I would apologise later. If she does, apologise for your error in judgement, and no harm done...

sleepycat · 02/07/2009 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lljkk · 02/07/2009 18:34

Couldn't consuming dodgy food give you a contagious bug? I thought that's how some tummy bugs get started.

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