To not believe there is any such condition as....

[BunnyLebowski]

...Oppositional Defiance Disorder??

This is the "disorder" that the mother of this 12 year old brat is claiming he has. He has stolen cars, set houses on fires, hospitalised another child by beating him to a pulp and thrown rocks at passers-by.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1195221/Dont-son-Asbo-hes-got-ODD-thats-oppositional-defiant-disord er.html

Now I know it's The Daily Wail and so on it's own isn't a reliable source but the mum was just on GMTV defending her son's behaviour and blaming it on his "condition".

So rather than accept that she's dragged up a violent, disrespectful criminal she can attribute all his behaviour to this lovely catch-all title for "cheeky f*ckeritis". How convenient.

OMDB as someone else said, nope no excuse. But I think I would is I were rp4sented with two criminals, one diagnosed with psychopathy the other not I would see a difference: the one who behaved as they through illness must be kept from society but in a manner that understands the level of choice they amde in their actions; the one with no psychopathy deserves punishment in it's true sense.

information about someones state of mind teaches us how to respond to behaviours and when servies are available, what actions might work best.

DS1 can't respond to someone telling him off in the playground verbally as his brain shuts off and doesn't process it. We know whowever he has an extremely visual learning style, and so he responds better to written sues which he carries on laminated card and work 9/10 times.

Shame we know less about how to stop the empathy less brats (I considerd little shits there but am well above that) other children from their constant taunting and poking

Dideinsteinsmum- what have you tried doing with him when he goes off into one of these tantrums

sorry should clarify - I am asking for a friend who has a child very similar

There is a very long list to answer that.

1. timeout
2. Ignoring and safe space
3. Physical restraint (hug)- dont recommend this is hurts
4. Physical restraint (buggy) - he is on his 4th in 4 years
5. removal -him in safe area - me removed from area
6. Distraction - tv, toy
7. Reward charts to try to prevent behaviour
8. refuse to try to dress his and let him run round nake but refused to take him out or let him play out naked
9. Bath to calm down

10. Webster stratton to prevent out bursts (made them worse- but he was the only one of group not to respond) 11. Reward time - ie if you can behave better (clear instruction ie not bite) i will spend 30mins doing x with you (we use film night or games night - even at 3yo) 12. Nappy - refused to put nappy on and told if big enough to not have nappy big enough to use potty. Potty training started early and succeed early -he didnt want it as it was for babies 13. Sensory work- strong smell sound to distract 14. water shock -flick water off wet hand into face to distract from entering full rage (pead recommended this but it on works in the most dangerous tempers and if not used too often) 15. I temper back. 16. Toy removal -i use this for room transhing and throwing. He doesnt get it back for a week. 17. TV and computer bans - even in the 3yo group this still works. Behave bad get no tv or computer, behave very well extra time.

We have taken 2 approaches prevent temper and deal with temper. We mix and match to make it less easy for him to try to figure out what we are doing. he is very good at figuring out loop holes and manipulation points in systems.

Hope this gives your friend some ideas and starting points. if she figures out anything that might work please shove info in this direction as i am still looking for something that will calm the tempers.

Blimey didnt realise that list was that long

my brother was having violent tantrums until about age 10; possibly connected with babyhood trauma (adopted); fortunately he stopped just before he was old enough to do serious damage; but I am well versed in the bear hug

my dd also had violent tantrums until about the age of 9; again, I don't think it was to do with bad parenting but with trauma (related to her disability and not having been believed by the doctors); again I did the bear hug; and again fortunately, she grew out of it while I was still strong enough to cope

I don't know what we would have done otherwise

neither of them has ever been in trouble outside the home, but I couldn't tell whether that is because of good parenting, or because their trauma wasn't so bad after all, or sheer luck

we were also lucky in that both my father (who dealt with db's tantrums) and I are relatively sturdy, calm (so not likely to inflict any injury ourselves) and comparatively unafraid of physical hurt- so we would never back down out of fear. Also, we both had support in the family. Not every person is going to be in that situation. The woman in the OP is asking for help. Understandably so.

Have not seen article in the "we know nothing about everything-never spoken to a paed/psychiatrist in our lives" (Daily Mail), or seen piece on GMTV.
However, I have a ds dx Aspergers,ADHD,ODD and Mood disregulation. He has been defiant, pushing boundaries and limits since very young, and is very aggressive. He is medicated, but this dampens symptoms does not relieve them.He is under the care of a child and adolescent psychiatrist, and will need support well into his adulthood.
He has 5 siblings-all brought up the same way.His brother is dx HFA and Dyspraxia, but is not aggressive or defiant.
At parents evening, all his sibligs were described as bright,caring, pleasure to teach,well behaved DC.
My ds with ODD is also academically bright,but his difficulties hinder him, and he attends an independant secondary school.
Unless you have direct expreience of DC like this, you cannot imagine how difficult they are to parent-none of the usual techniques work,and they do not connrct action with consequences, so every day is like ground-hog day.
I have read as much as I can on ADHD AND ODD, and attended conferences and now help run a support grp.
Ignorant opinions such as the OP, help no-one. If your DC do not have these conditions, be thankful-"there for the grace of God go I". Imagine if your DC did, and other people held these beliefs about them. How would you feel?
Lastly, ADHD may be over dx in the States, but there has just been a report carried out in Scotland, which has shown ADHD to be hughley UNDER-DX.This has huge implications for health, education, and society.
The OP ha shown herself to be incredibly judgemental as have others on this thread-sleep well, knowing you have perfect dc because you have been perfect parents.Look forward to reading your child-rearing manual.