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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to judge: toddler at A&E with severe sunburn

94 replies

BigMomma3 · 01/07/2009 22:44

no more than 2 years old, huge bubble blister on shoulder, lobster skin on chest, shoulders, arms, hands and face going all weepy and scabby and . Mother in swimsuit with shorts on top obviously been sunbathing all day with little regard to the toddler.

Had to take DS2 to A&E tonight with a sprained ankle after trampolining (he is fine and is banned from the trampoline for a week) and saw toddler as above. He seemed quite happy but I dread to think of the agony he will probably be in when the painkillers have worn off . I felt quite sorry for the mother as everyone was tutting and the nurse was very off with her. Later her partner/husband came in demanding that his 'kid' be seen immediately (he had already been seen by the nurse and did not seem to be in discomfort) as he could'nt wait around all night. Was tempted to say that his 'kid' should not have left to roast all day in the sun then . I am assuming they did not wait to see the doctor as within a few minutes I saw them outside in the carpark, man & woman shouting and swearing at each other in front of the boy and then the woman running off up the road on her own and it looked like her hair had been pulled because it was hanging out of her clip. AIBU to hope the hospital informed SS?

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2009 08:43

yanbu

i HATE seeing burnt children - there is no need

too many times i see a mum pushing a baby/toddler in buggy and they have no hat, no parasol and are screaming and red

yet the pusher is in summery clothing and sunglasses - therefore obv KNOW it is hot weather

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

yes you get the odd time when you miss a part of a childs body (tho i have never had a child burnt in my care) but to be covered in blisters/scabs such as Op saw is neglect and child abuse to me

LoveBeingAMummy · 02/07/2009 08:44

It is amazing to me that people do not understand to keep babies out of the sun. Just becuse they have suncream on doesn't mean they can be in it all day. FFS

imaynotbeperfectbutimokmummy · 02/07/2009 09:26

I would have judged too - doesn't make it right though. I got burnt the other week, my friend and I took the children to the beach, it was actually quite cold - i was shiverring and she had a jumper on. I forgot my cardi - i was COLD and i got burnt.

I am absolutely PARANOID about the sun with DD, i apply sun block every hour or so - factor 30+. Yesterday i took her to an outdoor swimming pool with my friend, i left the sunblock at home - i had to borrow of course, but i think my friend was a bit about the amount i applied. I'll have to replace hers! I felt guilty that my DD actually had tan lines .

It is very easy to get caught out by the sun especially on the first few hot days, but this week, during a much publicised heat wave? Little excuse really.

As for the parents behaviour - i imagine that the father was pretty bloody angry with his wife. My DP would have gone ballistic.

Pinkjenny · 02/07/2009 09:38

I would definitely have judged. I had sunstroke once and it was absolutely horrendous. I am completely obsessive with sun protection, and let's face it, it doesn't exactly take much does it!

CMOTdibbler · 02/07/2009 09:47

Where I used to live the (otherwise tiny) hospital was the regional specialist burns unit. In the summer the childrens ward was very much in the main occupied by children with severe enough that not only did they need to be hospitalised, but transferred to a full burns unit. It really was horrific.

Small children should be wearing hat, shirt and high factor sun cream, and shouldn't be out in the sun all day anyway. The biggest predictor of getting a melanoma is your sun exposure before 16, and especially sun burn before 16

Don't blame you for judging

insertwittynicknameHERE · 02/07/2009 10:04

I would have judged (silently of course ) But I do know that some DC will burn whatever factor you put on them. DC need covering up and need to be indoors / in very heavy shaded area between 11-3.

Yesterday I put DD's pool up and put the parasol stand and parasol in the actual pool to provide her shade. She also had factor 50 on. We still came in after about 30 minutes as it was just too hot.

The dogs then took residence the pool and laid in the couple of inches of cold water. I had to go out every so often and hose them down while they were in the pool just to make sure the were cool enough lol.

PinkTulips · 02/07/2009 10:12

fuck the hell off

i've had to bring ds1 to the docs with sunburn and deal with judging cows like you giving me evil looks.

he got burned in the space of 20 mins on a not massively sunny day walking home from swimming.

he was 8 months old and had blisters all over his face

i'm careful with suncream, i just didn't have any in the swim bag, once the towels dried off enough i draped them over the buggy to shade him but it must have been too late at that stage.

some kids burn no matter how careful you are, i've often had ds1 slathered in factor 50, repeated every hour through the day, barely let him outside and he's still been red in the evening.

katiestar · 02/07/2009 10:27

Oh God. Another holier than thou thread
There for the grace of god go any of us !My DS2 who is 11 got sunburned at school yesterday through his PE T shirt .MY DN got hideous sunburn as a 6m old baby sleeping in his pram in the shade.Also have heard of people having problems with suncream failing (sometimes when it has been on the shop shelves too long)
And what an assumption to make that the mother is to blame ! How do you even know she was looking after him that day ?
Could just as easily judge you for letting your child use a trampoline without professional supervision ,a sprained ankle this time ,might be a broken neck next time!

cheesesarnie · 02/07/2009 10:33

one of mine got slight sunburn once.i was devastated because we're always so careful.nobody said it was my fault but i knew it was,i judged me.

TheProvincialLady · 02/07/2009 10:42

I can think of so many reasons not to judge this family. The bricks in their house might have failed and let in too much light, the windows of the shops they walked past reflected super rays at them. They might have been stuck outdoors on the way back from an urgent trip to Africa with no money to buy sunblock.

Or they might just have been negligent. I wonder which is more likely?

Sometimes the rush to defend the unjudgeable is quite nauseating on MN.

Kelix · 02/07/2009 10:53

here here TheProvincialLady

If noone judged a lot of neglect would go unnoticed. Like I said in erlier post I would expect to be judged in that situation. IT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN THE PARENTS FAULT but it was someones fault! Someone should have making sure that the child was well enough protected.

I cant honestly think of someone who would think 'oh look at that baby/child with terrible sunburn, oh well cant blame the parents'! Parents get the blame for everything else so why not sunburn?

dollius · 02/07/2009 10:56

It wouldn't go un-noticed. The people at a&e who are used to dealing with families like this are in a position to make a judgement.

You are not.

Lovesdogsandcats · 02/07/2009 11:02

"it looked like her hair had been pulled because it was hanging out of her clip"

Oh come off it, is this a joke?

frasersmummy · 02/07/2009 11:04

this made me laugh... you are judging others for not supervising their children properly and/or not doing something to make sure they didnt get hurt...

and yet..

you were there with a child who had a trampolining accident.....

I dont know either story fully and therefore I am in no position to judge .. nor would I .. I am a great believer in walk a mile in my shoes

I just thought the irony of this was funny...

duchesse · 02/07/2009 11:05

ffs. You know nothing about them or their circumstances. For all you know they might have forgotten to reapply the sunscreen, or it might have washed off in the pool, or they have each thought the other had applied it. At least they were getting treatment for the child.

Judgey pants off and mind your own business. Please. If you spend any time in A&E you will see all sorts of things that you may think oughtn't to happen, but that's life and that's where people end up if have an accident or just plain get things wrong.

Morloth · 02/07/2009 11:06

I judge all the time, everyone does it is one of the reasons society functions.

DH would have ripped into me if I was silly enough to let that happen (as I would to him). The boy doesn't get sunburnt because I won't allow it.

clemette · 02/07/2009 11:06

I once had to take DD to A&E because she fell down the stairs. As soon as I become the perfect parent who has never made a mistake looking after my children then I will judge parents who take their children to A&E.

I don't think posters on this thread have said that a woman who has deliberately left her child out in the sun all day without suncream shouldn't be judged - rather that the OP has no idea of the circumstances and so has made assumptions. Judgements shouldn't be based on assumptions, they should be based on facts...

belgo · 02/07/2009 11:17

It's very hard not to judge when you see a child suffering when it is something preventable. Particularly when the child is so young. I find it very hard to imagine the circumstances that would excuse the adults in this case.

belgo · 02/07/2009 11:18

if the parents left the hospital before the child had received the medical attention that he needed, then I hope the hospital did inform Social Services.

OrmIrian · 02/07/2009 11:22

Poor little boy On both counts.

Reallytired · 02/07/2009 11:24

I think that informing social services for a one off incident of sunburn is ridicolous. What would you want a social worker to do? Take a child into care because of a one off incident of sunburn.

Yes, I feel sorry for the toddler, but unfortunately accidents happen. I am sure the parents are feeling desperately guilty.

I think social services need to concentrate on children with ciggerette burns or repeated trips to A and E for unexplained injuries.

If hospitals refer to social services too freely then parents will be scared of taking their kids down to A and E when they make a mistake. Or worst still the over worked social worker will have less time to see the next baby P.

Original poster
BigMomma3 · 02/07/2009 11:29

OMFG - those of you trying to make out that I should be judged for my 9 year old having a slightly sprained ankle because he felt awkwardly on a soft surface while supervised and with a safety net can piss off. I provide my DCs with a trampoline cos I don't want them stuck to the TV or Wii all day - what's wrong with that??

That is quite different then a helpless toddler who is not able to communicate whether they are hot having severe sunburn due to being left in the sun and is NEGLIGENT. I do not believe for a minute that kind of sunburn could be caused in 20 minutes!! There was no excuse!!

OP posts:
katiestar · 02/07/2009 11:30

For goodness sake its no wonder that abused kids can't get the SS attention they need when SS plates are being piled high with numpties making reports on a kid who is sunburned

AliGrylls · 02/07/2009 11:32

Obviously the mother cared enough to take her child to hospital so I think a little unreasonable. Also, the child could have had very fair skin that the mother did not take into account.

Pinkjenny · 02/07/2009 11:32

Heatstroke can be fatal in young kids, I don't know why anyone would think that this wasn't something that should be taken very seriously. It is completely bloody avoidable in most circumstances. If you can't protect your kids in the sun, keep them inside.