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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be a bit disappointed in my children's spoilt attitude?

61 replies

Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 16:14

I could cry, honestly

DS1 and I have been ill this week, he was better today so we went to their sports day - I haven't been feeling 100% tbh but went along anyway and then went to work. I saw dh briefly at lunchtime and suggested that we surprise the kids by taking them to Giraffe (it's one of their favourite places) for dinner, to celebrate the taking part in the sports day

so I w as looking forw ard to seeing them after school and thought they would be all pleased and excited and it would lift all our spirits a bit

when I told them, they were both silent for a minute,and then started going "Hmmmmm, awww, I wish we could go to Pizza Hut instead" at which point I flipped a bit (not shouting,just cross) and said they were acting like spoilt brats and maybe we should have fewer treats if they don't appreciate them

I got them home and sent them to take their uniforms off, and immediately they started "he's copying me " "he's XXXX " " he's XXXX"

I want to send them both to bed frankly, I know it's unfair but I feel really down

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 01/07/2009 16:46

greensleeves - to an earlier question, yes they would react like that at times. And I react like you did . But they aren't being spoilt brats, just being honest and not wanting to do the same things you do.

They are hot and tired (I'll bet they are at the end of this term) and they disappointed you with their reaction. Did you build it up first - "I've got a surprise for you! Guess where we're going tonight"? Because that is always a mistake. They will have instantly built it up to something quite different. DS#1 would have decieded we were going to the skate shop to buy him a new deck . DS#2 would have assumed we were off to the zoo . So a meal out would be a huge anticlimax.

But thankfully my DC aren't always (or usually) like this. Still hurts when they are though.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 16:46

theyaretidyingupnow inanattempttomollifymummy

OP posts:
BarrelOfMonkeys · 01/07/2009 16:48

But nametaken, the treat is not 'you can choose where we go for dinner' - it was 'mummy's treating you to Giraffe' - isn't OP's point that it is a question of manners and being grateful for what you're given? Like if you get given a birthday present you don't much care for, you generally don't say 'oh, can't you take it back and give me the money instead?' You acccept it with good grace unless the receipt/exchange option is offered.

(I don't think it shows you are doing a shit job, Greensleeves, they are just kids and still learning, by 'flipping' at them they will at least register the point that perhaps they were being a tad ungrateful.)

FairLadyRantALot · 01/07/2009 16:50

greensleeves...they noticed than

Fennel · 01/07/2009 16:52

that's the spirit, make them tidy up and apologise, that's what I'd do. When mine act like spoilt brats.

and then just about agree to take them IF their behaviour improves.

I offered to take mine out for dinner if they got good reports - their reports are always ok in terms of behaviour so that's a given, really, but I thought maybe we should be a bit positive, praising the good and all that. but dd2 says she doesn't like being praised or rewarded for a good report, or for good behaviour. not sure why. there was me trying to do the positive parenting act, but she says she hates it. so I guess we won't take them out for dinner.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 16:55

lol at your dd 2 shooting herself in the foot

I will relent andtakethem, butI'mnottellingthemthatforatlea stanotherhour!

OP posts:
purpleduck · 01/07/2009 16:58

Greensleeves
I know what mean. They don't appreciate things because getting treated all the time is their normal.
BUT, my daughter smashed a neighbors car window a few days ago. It truly was an accident (she was beside herself). We were annoyed as it will probably eat up alot of the money I had put aside for summer. ANYWAYS...we stayed very calm and tried to reassure her etc.
Then my husband mentioned that she needed to clean her hamster out the next day, and she started whining. I got so . Honestly - did she not realise that she was on thin ice, and she should keep schtum?

Maybe we all protect them so much that they have lost their self protection instinct....?

Boys2mam · 01/07/2009 17:00

Ha ha ha, I just had this an hour ago with my DS (5) - he wanted an ice cream with his takeaway dinner (shhhh, its was Macdonalds) promised for being so good this week and doing so well in school, I got the wrong one, whinging ensued, I threw the ice cream away and we got floods of tears....

...its this horrid muggy weather

Fennel · 01/07/2009 17:02

It's not heatwavey and muggy where GS and I live, just pleasantly warm. So that's no excuse.

it's just children being children. that's what they do, have spells of brattishness. it's not the weather. or tiredness.

Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:03

no,they're not particularly tired or overwrought,they arelikethissometimesanditalwaysmakesmewanttothrowthemoutofthewindow

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:04

no,they're not particularly tired or overwrought,they arelikethissometimesanditalwaysmakesmewanttothrowthemoutofthewindow

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 01/07/2009 17:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ScummyMummy · 01/07/2009 17:16

Aw- I hate it when mine act like bratweevils too, the green one, but they just do sometimes. I'm sure yours are lovely most of the time. And you are a very fab parent. Enjoy Giraffe.

muggglewump · 01/07/2009 17:16

My DD (7) did this yesterday. I'd got all the food for a barbecue that she asked for plus bought her a big cookie from town and her chalks had come that I'd ordered.

She threw a strop because I said no to an Ice Cream before dinner.

I was livid, and if it wasn't for the fact that there was nowt else for tea I wouldn't have done the barbecue.

She has been told that anymore of that behaviour and there'll will be no more treats for the next 7 weeks. I mean it too.

I hate when she starts being spoilt.

BarrelOfMonkeys · 01/07/2009 17:19

for shiney

ScummyMummy · 01/07/2009 17:22

@your dd2, fennel. Has she been reading child psychology books behind your back?

Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:23

cheersyoulot,youhaveres toredmys ens eofpers pective

Imighthaveachatw iththemlaterandex plainthatthereareW AYS ofs ugges tinganalternativevenue-I'mnotannoyedw ithtemforpreferringPizzaHut

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:23

fennel'sdd2 does n'tneedtoreadparentingmanuals,s hew rites them

OP posts:
ScummyMummy · 01/07/2009 17:38

I see! She's a cleverskins like her mum, eh? Good for her. I shall look out for her works.

You are very kind to take them to Pizza Hut! I would be cross at mine if they wanted to go to Pizza Hut instead of Giraffe as find the latter tolerable and the former somehow horrendous in the way that truly bad mothers (unlike you) sometimes do...

Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:40

IloathePizzaHutbutI'monsaladanywaysoitwillonlybeamatterofputtingupwiththestenchofoilandtheotherclien tele,andthehorribledecor

Giraffeisn'tsobadIagree

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 01/07/2009 17:41

shitthespacebarhasgonenuts

OP posts:
IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 01/07/2009 17:52

I had a similar moment with dd last weekend, we had been out at some Highlandd Games at a local park we had eaten from the food stalls, she had been bought a few things, had a go on a couple of rides and made a few free things at some stalls and we had ice-creams and she was still moaning she wanted this that and the next thing as well.

It really did make me cross that she had, had a lovely day out, we had done lots been out all day had stuff to show for it and it wasn't enough. DS on the otherhand is 2 years younger and is always happy with you've had your shot no more money for this etc.

Littlepurpleprincess · 01/07/2009 17:52

It could be worse. I walked past a family today constisting of mum, dad, a girl of about 9, and an older sister, about 16.

I was behind them and the older girl stole her sisters hat and said "because I don't like you" and the mum just said "oh, don't do that!".

Then the 16 year old moaned, "why have I got to come to the shop anyway?" and her mum said "to help me carry the shopping". The daughter then turned around and said "But why would I help you carry stuff, I don't want too!".

AT 16 YEARS OLD!

The mum just shrugged it off, but I would have said:

"You don't PAY for it! You won't CARRY it! You don't bloody eat it then!!!!!"

If DS ever spoke to me like that.

Obv I'm guessing her age here but FFS, a teenager should know better than to speak to her mother like that. Little cow.

So my point was, your kids are probably lovely, the kids mentioned above are spoilt!

FairLadyRantALot · 01/07/2009 18:40

purpleprincess....that is just teenagers though....lol....they just like to moan for the sake of it

Fennel · 01/07/2009 20:30

I wouldn't feed a teenager who spoke like that.

It's Unconditional Parenting that says you shouldn't praise or threaten or punish or anything like that. I have various friends who try it. But dd2 doesn't approve of that either "why don't they just tell their children not to do ....?".

I quizzed dd2 some more about her objection to being praised for good behaviour, I pointed out that in dd3's reading book there was a little note "Parents, remeber to give your children lots of praise." Dd2 harrumphed and said that OK, if the Praise Officer turned up to inspect parents' praising efforts I could praise her, but otherwise please not. (then we had some jolly role play where dd3 pretended to be the Praise Officer visiting us, but it got a bit confused cos dd3 thought it was a Prays officer and expected us to be praying when she visited....)

I think dd2 just can see through fake emotions and knows it's just bogus, all that parental praising for crap. She knows we are just doing it because the book tells us to.