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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be SHOCKED that I was attacked this morning by a 90yr old man!!!!! And they say its TEENAGERS that are the HOOLIGANS!

72 replies

MsF · 01/07/2009 13:53

To be fair...technically.... I was 'in the wrong'...I had parked on his 'white lines' outside his driveway...but had NOT obstructed his driveway.

I had taken DS to see the Paediatrician opposite tghis mans house.

I did realsise what i had done...but thought that it was OK as he could still use his driveway.

So...I admit i was wrong.

However, what he did to me was so scarey- and had my autistic son screaming/crying....and 2 neighbours came out to restrain this man- as he was shouting- pulling at my car door- pulling at my open window.... and trying to grab me out of the car.

he said he had called the police- and did not want me to drive off . he threatened me....

and he says he is in his 90's.

so now i don't know whether to laugh or cry...i am dreading the newspaper headlines this week..."Man in his 90's dies of a heart attack after road rage at mum driving a ford Ka" (!!!!!)

I was shakey for about half an hour- and one of the neighbours offered to act as a witness should i wish to press charges of assault!

I shall not be doing that.... however...if he did call the police...and if they do contact me to slap my wrist...then i shall say what happened.

I can honestly say that the shouting on eastenders was NOTHING compared to the anger of this man!!!!

OP posts:

Bathsheba · 01/07/2009 15:54

What I'd do in this situation os phone the police station on the non emergancy number and just clarify the situation...

Not so you can quote the police at the man or anything, but just so that you know in your own mind if you were right or wrong...and it might very well be when you speak to the police station that the community officer might "have a word".

I've always found the police on our non emergancy number to be very very helpful.

MoonchildNo6 · 01/07/2009 17:16

I have a bus stop outside my house and the buses invariably park accross my drive even when I am waiting to pull out. They make me sit there while everyone gets on, while they all sit down and while the drivers texts their mates - I assume due to length of time they spend at the stop! As much as it drives me nuts, I have yet to get out and attack them.

I would report this man, I don't think it's age related, I think he is just a very aggressive (and possibly quite dangerous)man who happens to be older.

FenellaFudge · 01/07/2009 17:38

How horrible. What a vile way to beahve towards someone.

Am very surprised anyone could think this man was justified in attacking a stranger on the street.

I can understand that you have to consider the possibilty of dementia but to say that he was justified because of the parking issue is ridiculous.

I'm sure all but the most unbalanced of violent thugs will have some spurious "reason" or another for physically attacking another person.

screamingabdab · 01/07/2009 17:48

MsF Sorry you had such a frightening experience. The man's behaviour was completely unacceptable.

The fact that his reaction was so disproportionate would lead me to suspect that he might have dementia. Around 18% of people over the age of 80 suffer from dementia.

This is not to justify, but to explain. I would take Bathsheba's advice, because whatever the reason for his outburst, it would certainly help you, and possibly help him, to have it brought to the attention of the authorities.

This is a professional opinion

Original poster

MsF · 01/07/2009 19:01

Thanks all...

OP posts:

PeachyTheRiverParrettHarlot · 01/07/2009 19:10

People park outside here all the time, blocking us right into the hosue (no rear access, door onto street and cant get pram out)

I get and I get but I would NEVER rant about it or threaten someone. I assume that quite often they are visiting teh ASD unit oppsoite and cant park for school mums. Not OK but I can understand and practie empathy.

however I was cornered by someone recently because DH (ie not me- very key that fact) asked him to wait two minutes to move the car so he could pass, man scatched our car and then went parked up and cornered me and ds4 (he ahd seen us leave the house just before to drop ds3 at school)- I was scared rigid.

We did have police out but they couldn't ID him- though am certain I saw him yesterday driving into next doors car, scartching it swearing and driving off. I was a bit too scared / vulnerable feeling to get the police back tho I have the number.

But you know OP these people are twats and it is not our fault. I would have understood ahd man had a word with DH and not got involved (DH can handle it- dida lot of that sort of thing at last jaob) but the mentality of someone who could deliberately corner a Mum and small toddler-

(Acnowledge DH should have moved car but was just topping up with opil after leak and reutrned oil into house- as I say house onto road soliterally two steps in and back, moved in under 3 minutes)

iamsoexcited · 01/07/2009 19:28

I'm quite shockd by those posters that think its ok to physically attack someone because they have done something you dont like/approve of!
Shit really??? I guess my XH was in the right then all the times he attacked me because I "pissed him off" !
Get a life folks .....OP you are totally NBU!!!

iamsoexcited · 01/07/2009 19:29

oops forgot to change back!

pickyvic · 01/07/2009 19:46

mrs F i can safely tell you that its not a criminal offence and if the stupid old bint had reported you - the police wouldnt have done anything about it. So relax.

talbot · 01/07/2009 20:20

I am seriously shocked that some seem to suggest physically attacking someone for infringing parking restrictions should go unreported.

I live in a small lane which is double yellow lines all the way. Our off street parking soace is frequently blocked in by visitors to the houses behind and once or twice, I have been unable to get out for an hour or two. But I have never even raised my voice to the offenders let alone assaulted them. My god, what is the world is coming to when parking is seen as a reasonable justification for physical assault.

sobloodystupid · 01/07/2009 20:29

summat similar happened to me. I was parked outside a shop picking up a high chair for ds. While wheeling his buggy and carrying high chair back to the car, an old man shouted at me that I was a typical f**g woman and that he wouldn't f*k me with a bargepole! He was right in my face and only the fact that it was the middle of the day in town stopped me from being frightened.
I ignored him and when I was all loaded up, beeped and waved cheerily at him as we passed.

Original poster

MsF · 02/07/2009 08:50

Thankyou all for your support and backing.

DH asked DS what happened yesterday- and through his 10 year old eyes- he saw a crazy man blocking his mum from driving away.A man who started to make the car wobble when he pulled on the door.

(he also expressed concern when i said i was off to tesco at 7pm...he worried that i might see that man)

but he also mentioned one of the 2 neighbours who came to help...that she had a lovely kind voice when whe asked him directly if he were OK.

So for him i focus on that lovely lady.

OP posts:

screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 09:23

Just to add, by the way, that not everyone with dementia is aggressive or violent.

lizziemun · 02/07/2009 09:37

MsF

Can you phone the receptionist at the doctors and explained what happen and see if anyone else has had probelms with him before.

Fruitbeard · 02/07/2009 11:04

MsF

My dad has dementia and this is exactly how he behaves. Thankfully he lives opposite a fire station and not a paediatrician's, otherwise I would have thought it was him... my parents have a white line outside their driveway and he watches it (and the patch of pavement next to it) like a hawk.

Last time I visited I pulled up (legally, in front of the house, on no lines of any colour) and he ran out and started screaming at me - took him a few minutes before he realised it was me - and it was bloody frightening, even though I know him. Scared DD as well, so I do have every sympathy for you.

QS, I know you've parped yourself, but in no way can the OP be blamed for this elderly person's violent reaction. I'm really surprised you feel otherwise.

screamingabdab · 02/07/2009 11:38

Fruitbeard Useful post. I used to work with people with dementia and their families. So sorry you are going through this.

junglist1 · 02/07/2009 19:39

This was in front of your son?? Sorry but if it was a younger man I would have gone for him with no apologies whatsoever, as I have previously done with a happy slapper who punched me in the head. These people need to learn not to pick on women with children. Restrained, eh?

Original poster

MsF · 02/07/2009 23:52

i'm now feeling worse about how my son felt..i feel i acted the victim and should have been stronger in front of my son- however- it all felt like it was happening to someone else-and i don't even remember starting the engine and driving away-

i haven't reported it to the police as i refused to let DH take me up the road this happened in (to get house number) as i am certain DH would do what he 'joked' he'd do which is to deliberately park on this white line- to provoke this man.

THAT is not helping anyone.

so ... think rather than officially report it...I will drive up there one night (in the dark) get the house number...then rather than submit an online complaint- i will do as some have said on here- phone the community police officer and ask for a 'chat'

OP posts:

Original poster

MsF · 03/07/2009 00:03

fruitbeard thanks for such an honest post- I like to believe this man has a difficulty that affects his behaviour- otherwise i would be scared to go out!!!!

I have OCD myself and my 3 sons have Aspergers (Autism)2 also have ADHD... and i think the reason i was so 'calm'...acting the victim .... is that i frequently have to deal with 'similar' outbursts from my DS's...as they have 'difficulties' which affect their behaviour....infact ds2's hysterical fits of anger towards ds1 sometimes scare me too. So i think i run on adreniline most days...therefore when this man started to rant...i did not get the 'fight or flight' response that the neighbours who ran over seemed to have...rather i reacted how i have to at home sometimes- which is to retreat into my 'invisible bubble'....but the guilt i have is that for a few seconds...I retreated- and did not take my son into this bubble

if i had reacted differently...ds may have not got so upset????

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 03/07/2009 00:09

I think your idea about a chat with the CPO is a good one. Fruitbeard knows what she's talking about- good points made there, I think.

dawntigga · 03/07/2009 09:27

We had our car attacked with a hammer once because we didn't know a match was on and parked in a no-parking zone. Genuine mistake. Would have apologised but to freaked by the hammer.

Nothing surprises me now

dxx

Dizzyclarebear · 03/07/2009 09:46

OP - you do need to report this. As others have said, it is a sign of dementia (have had two grandparents with this). In early stages men are often aggressive. Not always, it does depend on the part of the brain that's affected.

Anyway, not everyone knows how to access help / or are too proud / or their loved ones aren't aware of the seriousness or that 'help' doesn't mean 'putting in a home'. Tell the police, who will get SS involved and if his family are talking to SS it's not just their word for it that help is needed.

on the other hand, if it's not dementia, he's just a violent man and why should his age make it ok? He didn't start by politely asking you to move/pointing out your mistake. What if the neighbours hadn't held him back?

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