To get annoyed at people moaning about crying kids at the supermarket?

[mysonben]

Well i work on checkouts at a superstore, more often than not i can hear a toddler somewhere in the queue at the checkouts having a fit, a tantrum , a cry ... whatever you may call it.
And more often than not some grumpy sod will make a annoyed comment about it! Such as " i would have smacked that kid by now if it was mine!"

LOL

i don't like crying children in supermarkets - because they are NOT BEING ATTENDED TO, and the parents don't care if they inflict it on the whole store!

i absolutely HATE IT when i see parents wheel around their shopping trolley IGNORING their children's sobs and screams. MORONS!

Sometimes ignoring is the best way to deal with a tantrum.

Fleetwood, you seem to suggest that crying will be stopped by a hug or whatever. That's patently not the case. In most supermarkets the only thing that would stop the crying is letting them have whatever vile/ unsuitable foodstuff/toy they have seen. Ignoring is a completely valid way to deal with a tantrum of this kind.

IMO tantrums are a way of a child - trying to express something they can't. its a very old fashioned idea to ignore them. for me tantrums are often very disturbing to listen to as the child is obviously emotionally upset and unheard.

if the tantrum is "false" then that is also IMO due to being unheard in a different way, perhaps reacting to being spoiled or manipulated by parents.

i am also amazed also that people think they can just inflict this on a whole store!

IMO tantrums are a way of a child - trying to express something they can't. its a very old fashioned idea to ignore them. for me tantrums are often very disturbing to listen to as the child is obviously emotionally upset and unheard.

if the tantrum is "false" then that is also IMO due to being unheard in a different way, perhaps reacting to being spoiled or manipulated by parents.

i am also amazed also that people think they can just inflict this on a whole store!

Really? IMO tantrums in supermarkets are generally as a result of my child trying to grab a bar of chocolate or whatever from the carefully placed toddler height sweetie shelves.

a hug can go a long way, but i would not be so facile as to suggest that in itself.

an explanation often helps as to why i cannot buy the whole toy store - in my experience children do understand if they are patiently and respectfully explained this, and if they genuinely know their parents are acting in their self-interest.

i know this is not a fashionable idea - it is easier to see young children and screaming, irrational beasts. but that has not been my experience, and i find it a bit sad when i hear it.

Well you're obviously a far better mother than me. Yes explanations are now effective but they sure didn't work when they were 15 months or whatever.

"IMO tantrums are a way of a child - trying to express something they can't."

Quite so. That does not necessarily mean, however, that it is something that it is sensible or even desirable to respond to immediately.

My child is only 17 months so perhaps my views will change as she gets older but she cannot go on thinking that everyone will drop everything and immediately respond to her demands. Life is not like that.

If she is clearly in physical pain, is hungry or frightened, that is one thing. Other things - such as boredom, often a source of tears - sometimes have to wait.

As for "inflicting" it on a whole store - what do you think I do, stick a pin in her then wheel her into a crowded palce and let the fun begin? She is a human being, she is unhappy about something, she is (as you yourself say) "trying to express something they can't" - she is going to cry. She has as much right to do so as the old harridans who haunt certain supermarkets have the right to talk shite to each other in my hearing.

also, if I indulge her every whim, there is every chance that I will spend longer with a crying child in the shop than if i whizz round and get her out.

If you don't like it, I suggest you get a servant to do your shopping for you.

Or do like the rest of us do and accept that one of the down sides of affordable groceries/public transport/budget air travel is that you have to share the space with other, fallible human beings.

when my son was a toddler i never gave my son chocolate from the aisles, so he never knew what they were, and we never had tantrums.

not to say i am not sympathetic to parents dealing with supermarket - pushing power.

ok miflaw, leave your child/ren to scream, good luck to you.

Yes Fleetwood, but when you have 3 children it is not so easy to prevent a toddler from knowing what a choclate bar is.

Ah, the patient logical explanation method - are you under the impression that parents whose children are crying in the supermarket have never thought of doing that then?
FleetwoodMac you remind me of my MIL - her ds responded reliably to reason from babyhood onwards and it came as a shock to her that some children don't. Calm patient explanation is the default method in our house, since it's what both of us grew up with, and most of the time it works. Sometimes, however, when the child would rather be at the play area than the supermarket, or has seen a product designed to catch its eye which s/he can't have, it does not.

I hate supermarkets. I shop online now - but that means when I do have to go to the real supermarket it takes forever as I have no idea where all the aisles are.

Fleetwood - you sound like my MIL too - her children NEVER cried, NEVER tantrumed, NEVER did anything wrong etc etc Perfect angels they were

When ds1 was a small baby, we went to the supermarket. He was in his carseat on one of the trolleys and was screaming his head off. he must have been about 4/5 months old, but he always cried, was awful. Anyway, me and dp are heading down an aisle when an older lady says to someone else "they really shouldn't bring that baby out in that state"
I turned around and yelled "well I've got to f**king eat!"

I always feel for the parents, as it will sound 100 times worse to them

i think the responses to me have been quite nasty and personal, which says it all. there is nothing like a gang mentatlity on mumsnet. i was just speaking for reason (is that a dirty word) and caring about other people around us (that is not selfishness, also not all old people are horrible and unreasonable, some kids are spoilt and out of control). i am not supermum, i never claimed to be, but i like to think about my responses and i like to think about the world around me. i will not be returning to look at this thread, so save your insulting remarks ...

PMSL @ FleetwoodMac calling parents morons and then complaining that people are getting personal!

Ah these naive parents of one who think they know it all [gets personal, since FleetwoodMac has left thread in any case!]

Yanbu Haven't had anyone making a comment in the supermarket(-they don't if you're confident and matter of fact about things) But Ds was rolling a kick bar in a lift with his foor which made a bit of a clanking noise.A woman said to him 'Now,I call that rude !'I was pg at the time and very hormaonal .'yes' I replied but he's 2, what's your excuse ?'

I'm with you Kathy. that message coming from someone who labelled other parents "morons" is hilarious!

Thanks - perhaps you could withdraw the accusation of being a moron at the same time.

I fully concur that children are rational. As such, they are able to learn that screaming is an acceptable way to express pain and grief but is not an acceptable strategy for saying "I want".

Once they become rational they are also ready to learn that the world does not revolve around them and that sometimes, where their needs are not urgent, it is necessary to wait for attention.

As I do not want to raise a freak who is still whinging and snivelling to get what she wants on her 18th birthday, this is the strategy I intend to adopt.

Of course, we may both be wrong - children may not be rational at all.

If this is the case, then there is no guarantee that giving attention will stop the tantrum and there is nothing to be gained by responding as it will only slow you down and further defer your child's wants. I don't believe that's the case, but both lines of reasoning come back to the same position - that sometimes it is actually a positive thing in the long-term development of children.

I HATE hearing my child cry - but already, in 17 months, I have learnt that the right answer is not always the instinctive one. Truly rational and fully human beings need to develop human strategies. They do this by applying rational processes and learning that, in certain circumstances, crying will not work.

Incidentally, this is the reason I do not lie down in supermarket aisles and scream myself when I am bored or tired or when I want sweets. Incidentally, I find not doing so is what my peers judge to be the right response.

Fleetwoodmac talks shite.

Lol at trying to explain to a 15 month old!!! They are still babies really!!!

I've looked and looked but I can't see anyone's message could be construed as a "nasty" or "personal" attack on fleetwood.

Wish i'd made one myself now - too late though!