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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have dished out a punishment that was promised at the weekend?

54 replies

LovingTheRain · 29/06/2009 16:03

Yesterday DD1 was behaving in a really silly way and not doing as she had been asked.
I gave her a warning and then told her that if she carried on she would not be allowed to meet up with her friends at the pool after school today. She carried on and i told her that she was not going to be going swimming etc etc. I don't think she thought i was going to go through with it but i have
When we got home this afternoon she got her swimming things and asked if i could drop her off and i reminded her that she would not be going because of her behaviour yesterday. She's been crying and sulking on the sofa telling me what an awful mummy i am etc for about 20 mins now. Atleast she won't be doing it again any time soon!!

I don't think IABU as she knew what the consequence would be yesterday.

Am I BU?

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 29/06/2009 16:04

I don't know, does the severity of the punishment fit the crime?

bumpybecky · 29/06/2009 16:05

how old is she?

littleducks · 29/06/2009 16:05

how old is she?

muffle · 29/06/2009 16:05

God no, you have to follow through with this kind of thing. It's not that serious is it? - she can go again soon. How old is she?

Colonelcupcake · 29/06/2009 16:06

I don't know what her behaviour was so can't comment on that, however, I would have given her the opportunity to earn it back (simply to avoid mummy guilt)

Original poster
LovingTheRain · 29/06/2009 16:07

She's 10 and was going to be meeting four of her friends and one of their Mothers at the pool. I rung her friend's mum to explain so they weren't looking for her!

OP posts:
Mutt · 29/06/2009 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theyoungvisiter · 29/06/2009 16:08

I'm not sure if YABU or not - but I think the punishment sounds a bit odd and random. Why not do something more appropriate at the time?

5inthebed · 29/06/2009 16:09

She is 10, she is old enough to know what is right and wrong. YANBU.

Original poster
LovingTheRain · 29/06/2009 16:09

She can go again soon yes . We have a pool in the back garden anyway so it's not like i am depriving her of her swim!

OP posts:
bumpybecky · 29/06/2009 16:10

at age 10 YANBU

idranktheteaatwork · 29/06/2009 16:11

YANBU.

Child is naughty, child gets a warning to stop, child carries on, child is told of the consequence if behaviour carries on, child realises the consequence.....

Have no idea why you would describe that as odd or random. Has more of an impact than " no telly for an hour" or no pudding etc etc.

10 is plenty old enough to know why she is not going swimming.

Mutt · 29/06/2009 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

muffle · 29/06/2009 16:12

I think it's good on occasion to actually show you mean business - and although it's given her a shock because she didn't believe you would, it's actually a fairly harmless consequence. She hasn't missed a big do or someone's birthday or anything. And hopefully she'll remember (or you can remind her) next time you say "If you don't behave I will xxxxxx AND I MEAN IT".

She'll respect you more for it.

Mintyy · 29/06/2009 16:15

Yanbu. I feel a little sorry for your dd (she is learning a hard lesson) but not because I think you've done anything wrong at all

dilemma456 · 29/06/2009 16:15

Message withdrawn

katiestar · 29/06/2009 16:16

YABU as I don't think
a}it is fair to give backword to the other girls and mum
b} I think it is abit humiliating as it involves explaining to others why she won't be coming.

stoppingat3 · 29/06/2009 16:28

YABalittlebitU, Not from stopping her going as that is what you threatened, but maybe next time you could chose something less public for her to lose.
Its really hard but I remember a mum at school who kept calling me and saying that my DS couldn't come as her son had "lost" him playing.
Bit unfair on my DS and probably unfair on the other girls at the pool.
(does that make sense?)

PeedOffWithNits · 29/06/2009 16:38

NBU at all, tell that what you expect them to do/not do, threaten with consequences, if ignored carry through!

Bathsheba · 29/06/2009 16:42

My concern is that the punishment isn't immediate - she was naughty yesterday and you are punishing her by not letting her do something today - so that has elongated the whole process, and yesterday's naughtiness hasn't been put to bed and moved on from....its still "active" today because the matter isn't closed off.

Was there not something more immediate that she could have been made to do without yesterday (TV, computer game etc etc)

lisasimpson · 29/06/2009 16:46

agree with Batsheba - quite right to follow it through but would consider something more immediate next time.

sweetfall · 29/06/2009 16:47

at 10 you're doing completely the right thing IMO

pranma · 29/06/2009 16:47

Its just a bit hard that her friends and her friend's mum have to know she is being punished-the 'crime' was at home so I feel the consequences should be private too.However you were right to follow through.

ABetaDad · 29/06/2009 17:18

YANBU - DS1 had similar treatment from us age 9.

I know it is not 'positive parentng' but it works.

pointydog · 29/06/2009 17:27

YANBU. You have to follow through what you say.

But next time either make the consequence immediate or smaller!

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