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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To object to an old lady telling my DS1 to shut up!

66 replies

Tryharder · 26/06/2009 19:14

DS1 (4) and I went swimming this afternoon. It's a swimming pool of a members only gym and members' children are only allowed to swim between 2pm and 5pm. So it can get quite noisy and splashy with all the kids but that's only to be expected.

As it was, there were hardly any other people there this afternoon probably due to the nice weather. DS1 was being a bit noisy and splashy but was genuinely enjoying himself and playing in the water (he's only just learned to swim)

There was an elderly lady swimming on the other side of the pool in a section cordoned off for people who want to do laps so DS1 was definitely not getting in her way or splashing her. DS1 was talking to me about something when she raised her head and said in the nastiest tone possible "shut up!". I couldn't believe it. I said to her "don't tell him to shut up - if you want a quiet swim then don't come in the children's swimming time" or words to that effect.

But in hindsight, I'm fuming and wish I'd said something a bit harsher. Poor DS1 - he looked so shocked and dismayed and he was being such a good boy and trying his best to swim well.

OP posts:

Qally · 27/06/2009 11:03

I think you handled it beautifully - set your son a good example of being assertive but not rude, and defended him.

But it horrifies me how rude people are to children. Why on earth do they imagine it's okay to talk to someone that way?

Lissya · 27/06/2009 11:16

Ooooooh! @ BB

LupusinaLlamasuit · 27/06/2009 13:15

Oh yeah BB. You convinced us all there with your thinking seriously about the issue...

Ivykaty44 · 27/06/2009 13:26

Some old people are rude and have also had this manner whilst they were far younger - they didn't get rude when the got old they were always this way

Man at pool got man on lounger next to me to move and then tryed to talk to me by saying " pisses me off when clothed people use the loungers" I ignored him as I dont really want to talk to someone who swears to start convo and who cares if people are clothed on lounger or in swim wear its a free country Yes he was old and rude and has probably been like that all his life - than goodness I don't have to live with him.

EyeballsandherSunburntNorks · 27/06/2009 13:29

I think the age makes a difference because we are always taught to respect the elderly and it's a shock when the favour isn't returned IYSWIM.

At 12 months old my dd was told to shut up by an old lady at Mass. She was sitting next to us in the children's section of the church at the family Mass and dd was chatting to herself nicely. I was very upset by that as it was the first time I'd had hostility directed towards my pfb.

expatinscotland · 27/06/2009 13:36

I'd have to told her to go and get knotted.

milou2 · 27/06/2009 13:44

OP was absolutely right to defend her child. Since no one on here knows for sure what this lady in the pool is like in the rest of her life, all we can go on is this little snapshot, and it isn't a pretty one.

If an older person is kind and thoughtful they tend to show it every day, if they are not then it shows every day too.

Actually most older people I know are lovely, so that's why I get such a shock when an older person is horrible.

MildredRoper · 27/06/2009 14:03

Since I've had dd I'm delighted by the fact that loads of older women, and quite a few older men, stop to make a fuss of her in the street or in shops.

It is usually older people who do this and I had actually been wondering if you start to like stranger's children more as you get older, or if their generation is just more child friendly?

Yanbu to OP though. What a nasty peice of work.

Iklboo · 27/06/2009 14:18

I would probably have said to DS in a lid voice 'that's very bad manners isn't it? Shouting at people to shut up. Very rude indeed'

simplesusan · 27/06/2009 23:02

I once had a go at on older (50-60s) woman who told my ds to move out of her way in a market. He was about 5 at the time and there was plenty of room but the silly cow wanted to walk on the exact paving slab that he was already stood on rather than do the logical thing of walking past him as we were stood there first and not blocking the way.
Anyhow normally I would just tolerate such rudeness but on this particular day I thought how dare you tell my child to move.
I told her no, you bloody well walk round how dare you speak to a defenceless child like that. She look shocked tbh and replied that she had bad legs! I knew straight away from her face that she knew she had done the wrong thing but had probably been speaking to people in that manner all her life, and no, before anyone says her legs may have been bad they looked fine to me.

IkeaCatalogue · 27/06/2009 23:08

Oh dear SimpleSusan - not all disabilities are obvious or visible; just thought I would point that out

simplesusan · 28/06/2009 00:14

Yes I knew someone would assume she was telling the truth when in actual fact I am certain that it was a complete lie, I could tell from her expression and the fact that she took an awful long time trying to come up with a good enough excuse to justify her rude, obnoxious behaviuor.
Of course I tell my children to move out of the way for genuine people who have mobility problems, but unfortunately she was a miserable git who, like many people, for inexplicable reasons think they can talk to children like shit, well not my children they can't!"!!!!
Once again we were not in the way, SHE wanted to walk exactly where we were already stood looking at items on a stall, rather than take the more obvious route of simply walking past.

stickybun · 28/06/2009 00:41

Think a lot of old people are unpleasant and rude - especially to people who have a lot of life in them, when they themselves are continually going to their friends funerals and coping with chronic illnesses badly. Nothing made me think about how shit I would be at being old than slipping a couple of discs a few years back. Everyday I was in loads of pain and exhausted because I couldn't get any sleep. I was dreadful at being old and it really brought me up sharp - my nearest and dearest will confirm this. I find the easiest way to cope with this sort of thing is to absurdly nice and smiley - it really pulls the rug from under them iykwim.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 28/06/2009 08:03

"A lot" of old people are not anything, just as "a lot" of 25 yos can't be described as similar just because they're the same age.

It really pisses me off.

The woman was rude. Many of you are just generalising because it is easier for you to confirm your own prejudices than it is to actually use your brains.

Here's some suggestions to stretch your thinking about old people a bit:

ageism

you need to register for this one but it is free

seeker · 28/06/2009 09:08

Some people are rude. Some people are not rude. Some people are 25. Some people are 89.

Noe of these statements are related to each other in any way at all.

It is just as offensive to make assumptions about people based on their age as it is to make them based on their gender or colour.

Oh, and I am a bit amazed at "I once had a go at on older (50-60s) woman...."

Does "old" just mean "older than I am"?

simplesusan · 28/06/2009 09:47

I think old does mean exactly that seeker "older than I am".
Ask a 5 year old what old is and you will probably get an answer of anyone older than 15.
Ask the same question to a 15 year old and they may say anyone older than 20 and so on.
It is a relevant term just the same as "rich or wealthy".
Rich to one person is not rich to another iyswim.

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